Walk the talk.

Something , and infact I'd say a lot has metamorphosed in me in the past few days.
 I feel responsible with a guilt riding over my head making me cringe.
But the difference is that I want to take and act on that responsiblity.

Now that this sapience has conceded , am desperate to makeup for the loss of the past years of what I would name as the prolonged teenage f**khead 'me' phase!

Its as if I'm only a couple of mins late on the platform when the train I had to board on - has already departed.
I will have to run. Sweat a little. And then I'll catch it. I'll do.

But its scary to think what if am unable to catchup ?
 It makes me groan out aloud. The thought makes me weep inside , for all we know - I'd take the blame over me.

Its time to take charge of everything. Its time to get onto this track. I have to and I want to make things allright. I want to take care of my family.
They are all that matters right now.

Yes , it was about me. Everything has always been about ME. Whether or not I was happy? Whether or not I was fulfilling my dreams ?  Whether I was not getting what I wanted ? Me. Me. Me!
But I forgot there was so much more to me , of me & about me.

My thoughts. I am working on my thoughts.
I'm putting efforts to heal my body mentally , spiritually and emotionally. It will take weeks , months... but I'm determined not to let anything make me slip from here.

Health has been on my list for quite a long time. The problem with me is that all my pursuance fails at a point. So I HAVE to be persistent. I can't afford any other option this time.
 I'm pursuing fitness. Giving myself Ayurvedic tonics and doing yoga and cardio.
I am expecting and aiming for a radical change in myself by November. This Diwali I'm gonna give  this wonderful gift 'fitness' which I have denied myself intermittently.

It feels good when you try to take things in your stride. When you are at least being honest to yourself. I've already wasted so much time and I'm not allowing that to undermine my enthusiasm.

Nike's mantra is for everyone - Just do it!

Hong Kong. Macau!

This is month old post lying in drafts. :| Totally unfair for it to be there. All I had to was edit , add and hit publish.

Pre-trip , I would have ideally exaggerated ( atleast NOW I will use this word ) about how this trip could be something I would trade anything in the world for.
And then when it happened..when it really did..despite all of my nightmares - it doesn't feel complete.  Like you know that feeling of euphoria or post-travel post-good-times zeal. That's missing.Its just not there.
Ok there were some fights involved. Arguments. But eventually we had fun. We enjoyed. And I was with the best people of my life. And yet..it was incomplete..?

I guess this is a different kind of travel hangover. :|  If I would be saying this to my friends  , they'd probably say " Han han Different toh rahega hi..tu apne desh se jo wapas aayi hai " :D

Confused ? Well.. In all the planning and packing , I forgot to scribble a post about all these Chini jokes made on me before we took off to Hong Kong.
China is considered to be my motherland by one and all.
My friends asked me to make sure that I find my real parents :D Because my Indian parents are so Indian and am soooo Chinese :D
I always disagree about looking Chinese which people claim only due to the fact that  I have small eyes ( how unfair! ) But I certainly have doubts about the possibility of being adopted for some family genes are just not running into me! :P
Some others jokes went about ..
" Tu apne purvajo k desh ja rahi hai "
" Don't get lost ok. Your parents will probabaly bring someone else back thinking its you!!"
" Click pictures with Chinese people. Then we'll play find 6 differences" 
lol this one's  a personal favorite :D


Post-trip post. The travelogue :

Macau

If you ever plan to go to Macau. You HAVE to stay at the Venetian Macau Hotel. Its so huge and beautiful comprising of the hotel , a mall and ofcouse-  the biggest casino! All suite rooms with king size beds and huge bathrooms fully adorned with mirrors.

Magnificent Hotel Lobby!

The hotel is so huge ..it actually took us two days to learn to move about it.

The casino was awesome. We lost everything we put in :D :| except dad who won 36 times on roulette ;)

The entire Venice theme is  alluring. ( This is the shopping zone ! )

The hotel has an Indian restaurant named Golden Peacock which serves Indian VEG food at affordable price. So thankfully we didn't face much issue with food. Moreover if you stay at the hotel - you get vouchers which you can redeem & make use of at the restaurant , buy goodies and some listed stuff , go for the Gondola ride which otherwise costs more than 100 Hk $ per person. :\
Mac D is a waste for veggies. It smells awful :| Plus its expensive.

The Italian Gondola Ride.

Our Gondolier was Lia from Italy who  impressed us with her Hindi speaking skills. Greeting us with Namaste and calling us all 'sundari' :D .She knocked us off when she sang 'Chin ta ta' while also doing its signature step ! In return we sang Senorita for her :D Lia made the Gondola ride a lot more fun and there is no doubt about the fact that Indians are loud - so yeah we got a lot of audience :D

Macau Tower.

A view of Macau from the tower.

 You can experience one of the highest bungee jumps in the world from the Macau Tower. ( 233 meters!)  We watched 4 people bungee jump. It hardly takes few seconds for the fall and its quite thrilling to watch let alone do it. ( Of course I couldn't convince my parents enough :P ) 

It costs around 3000 HK $ ; approx 24000 INR. 

Macau is a small place and a 2 day stay is more than sufficient. 

Hong Kong :

It takes about 45 mins to reach HK from Macau after you board a ferry.
We stayed for 4 days. Hong Kong is like an extension of Mumbai with wider and clean roads. Old HK looks exactly like Mumbai except for the Chinese signs and billboard. 

Day 1 : We strolled around TST ( Tsim Tsa Tsui )  which is in Kowloon ( old HK). If you wanna book a hotel , this is the ideal place to lodge at. The subway is close. And the entire shopping area in in TST. It has a lot of major brands. 
There are a couple of Indian restaurants as well. 
Note : Finding vegetarian food in HK is a tough task. There are top end Indian restaurants which are of-course expensive. The Woodland Hotel at TST is a very good option.

Ocean Park

Day 2 : Ocean Park!  I found this one hyped. I mean , yes it must have been pretty famous 2 decades back. Dolphin show must be quite a thing that time.But essentially its a place for kids to enjoy seeing penguins , polar bears and sea lion. Thankfully some of the adventure rides came as a respite for us adults. The weather sucked. It was blazing hot!! 
The light show at night was a beautiful thing to watch.
 
Day 3  : We took a day off which was a very wise decision as the entire day at ocean park combined with the scorching sun had us totally drained out. 
We went to Mong Kow which is close to TST and famous for shopping. I couldn't get what the entire hyper around it is for! We did bargain but eventually  had to pay a high price for clothes and bags. So no! HK isn't a shopping destination ( with ref to bragain-shopping) unless you want to splurge on expensive branded stuff.

Took the metro ride to Central HK. All the stunning corporate buildings welcome you to the main HK. We were too late to catch the tram ride , hence missed going to Victoria Peak! :(
The Times Square and Stanley Street are in main HK ( for extravagent shopping :D )

Day 4  : Disneyland! 
I would rate out visiting Disneyland as the 10/10 sole reason to visit HK :P Who on earth wouldn't enjoy this beguiling place! Every damn thing about this place shouts richness. The park has been so nicely designed , you feel like you've entered an  entirely different world! Each and every ride & restaurant is chockablock with fairytale elements. 
The cartoon characters take you back to your childhood. How we miss Misckey , Uncle Scrooge , Aladdin & Mermaid !
The Lion King Show ( Live by theater artists) is spectacular. 
And the best ride was Mystic Manor. Its just superb!

  
Disneyland bewitches you at night - specially with the fire-show. 

I made this trip with my family AND my two most loving sisters.So this was the first trip of its kind. I had nightmares about its success since two such planned trips previously never happened!

And even as Prats gave a goodbye speech when we departed for India about how our fights didn't matter and lets just enjoy this moment because its the first and could be the last trip together..

I whined silentely.. Why last? Why the hell it should be the last ?! Just because I was stupid and annoying ? How could you do this to me? Why last?!!

To say she read my mind and replied - "who knows what happens in the coming days and where life takes us all."

Damn. That pinches!

She made me feel so guilty about being such a jackass. 

I wanted her to scream at me. 

To scold me for being immature and whatever the hell I was being :/

But the time's gone.

And all am left with are memories..  A LOT of them..about this amazing vacation to cherish about.

Things I'd never like to forget. Things that bring instant happiness to me :)

Those Chinese conversations. 

Public embarrassment missions.

Emptying our pockets out at casino!

 Photograph-obsession.

 The day wen we missed to go to Victoria Peak & all the jokes about the same :D 

Disneyland !! 

We've resolved to go back to Macau to jump off the Tower :D

* All pictures posted here have been clicked by me :P There is some jinx attached with me and cameras. My (new) camera started acting weird.Add to it - I lost the charger!! So had to save the battery for disneyland .Sadly it was so hot even on the day we visited disneyland - that none of us had much energy or enthusiasm to click ! Talk about obsessing for clicking pictures :P

Water splashing.

There was a time , say almost an year or two back when I used to dread festivals.
It would only mean being stuck up in home , and doing just  about nothing.
Physically present in a pretense of a happy environment.
 And yet mentally fighting with the loneliness.

Festivals are meant to be 'celebrated' together.

Not when one of your parents prefers watching the TV or say is least interested in forming a little social circle.

When another one of your parents is busy doing the household chores.And is upset to be holding onto the routine even on this day.

So what do you do ? Deck up and sit quietly. Or watch TV.
So much for the chores that you are not good at anyway.

I don't think that's anybody's idea of celebration or festival.

I don't feel you can celebrate alone.

So what's changed now ?

The relations with the extended family.  A little much to  do rather than just watching tv.

I wouldn't pretend I'm happy. But then I'm GLAD to be occupied , on festivals.

Else my heart would shrink the tiniest on knowing I'm the only one not 'celebrating'.

Lets also say..I've conditioned myself to be indifferent.
 I'm so saturated , it hardly matters to me.

I look forward to spend time with cousins. Laugh along..share old stories et al.

But deep deep deep inside my heart , I'm hurting every bit.

Holi was no different. Flower holi like last year :D
Singing bhajans.
And some 15 mins of water splashing.
Thats about it. Something's better than nothing. Thank god for that.
And well , yeah...that's it :)

The story of a Marwadi.

 Part I :

Guests

More guests
And even more guests!

Brownie points :
Special food cooked at home.
Home would never look so neat & perfect in every possible way.
First class.

Turn offs :
Thrown out of your own bedroom to accommodate them.
The talks about what you do.
The impossible- to- miss-stares after you tell them what you do.
The calculation their heads are doing to define the appropriate time for marriage (of course for you) - which is anything less than half of what you might have planned for yourself.
Self-praise. Too much.

PART II :

 Cultural Laxman Rekha 

Thesis :
No night stays @ friend's place.
No partying.
Guys not allowed to enter home.
Talking on phone with guys restricted or nil in some cases.
Books are friends. Why hang out ?! :-|
Issue :  Virginity , I assume ! :P

Brownie points : seriously ?? None what so ever.
Note : Most cases of eloping are a result of ones daring to cross this Laxman Rekha.
Most cases of guys getting spoiled too would fall in this area.
The more you restrict - the more boundaries crossed.

PART III

Marriages

Love marriage is an alien territory.
Typically the vices for our folks are :
Smoking. Drinking. Eating non veg.
And the fourth is - Love marriage!

The tedious ridiculous process in history of marriages : Arranged marriages!!
Check each other out. Read bio data. Interests and other such things.( Most of which are written just for the heck of it  :P )
One hour of rendezvous.
Few days time for approval--- without going out on date or contacting each other!!
WTF !!

PART IV

 Weddings

 Turns offs :

Read Part I  +  pretense  in every whichever way , in every whichever section.

Brownie points :

Get-togethers. Time off with cousins.

 The various functions which don't make much sense :P but fun to be a part of.

PART V

Miser ??

Stereotypes are stereotypes.

Definite believer in  : If you have it , flaunt it.

Reference : Diamond obsession . 

Reason : Competition :D

Baring apart few , most of the rich ones  live luxurious life et all. But they're misers in some areas.

Indulgent lifestyle.

PART VI

Family

 Joint families > Quarrels > Partition > Nuclear families.

a. Nuclear forever.

b. Nuclear yet bond with extended family.

c. Nuclear , bond with extended family , relatives , society..etc etc :O

Joint families ? - Extinct species. Fun. Pros & cons.

PART VII

Religious Values

Don't question. 

Just follow. 

Believe.

(  Personally I have no issues :P )

PART VIII

Passion

Business is in the blood.

Money. 

Stock market.

-----

Overall ..business families. Highly conservative. Typical Ekta Kapoor serials in some cases !
They want girls to get best education. But to not work after settling down into another family. ( ???! )
Baring apart the unnecessary illogical immature social and cultural rules our folks have  : Marwadis are nice people :P 

I always warn my friends not to fall for marus. Life after marriage in marwadi family is kinda difficult :P

Off color. Balloon vigour.

Holi = Water Balloon fight!
A ritual started last year which I believe was fun - the kind of fun you have to pay for in the form of pain.

The balloon shots hit hard.I couldn't lift my hands yesterday. My arms were paining so much. :O
And I don't know why I was targeted so much by our very well accomplished balloon hitter.

I think last year's balloon fight was more fun. I really wanted to play more with colors this time. But somehow that didn't materialize.

This year's Holi was unique though. Because we not just played water holi but also flower holi! :D

-- I've lost my appetite for blogging. Felt mandatory to make a 'festival entry' since I almost always do that.
And that's that. Nothing more to say write.

The one who left.

I thought she already left. I had just woken up from a lazy afternoon  nap. It was almost 4 pm. She must have left an hour ago ..I thought.
And I couldn't even say goodbye ?? 
I was trying to comfort myself with the fact that I had to say no goodbye and that it saved me all the emotional hurt. But then...it felt incomplete. And somehow I wished I had never dozed off.

Just then , I heard her voice. I rushed downstairs to catch up with her.

She hugged mom & mom hugged her back. I don't remember if mom's ever hugged me like that in so many years. I wasn't feeling jealous of that. I just couldn't take it.
That she had meant so much and that she was now leaving.

She sobbed and kept on expressing her gratitude , mentioning how mom had been a mother to her all these 5 years. And that was it. I started crying too. I know goodbyes are always difficult...but I didn't know I would cry for her. She wasn't  my friend. I guess she was a lot more than that. I cared for her in my own strange way.

She didn't come to me to hug. I wanted her to. I didn't go towards her either. I was waiting for her to say that she would miss me too. I don't know what it was. But I felt obligated to let her know that I would miss her.

Mom gifted her a pair of gold earings. She is getting married in two months. She was leaving for her hometown and she wouldn't come back again. I cried more. My little bother promised to write her letter and requested her to reply. She smiled her smiled.

At the door , I hugged her and asked her to take care. She cried again. Then dragged herself out without saying a word more and went away.

Back in the afternoon I was wondering not saying goodbyes was better. It hurt after-all.And it felt void. I wondered if it would have been nice to not be there. But the void was filling. You have to put the curtains down after every show. And this part would have been left incomplete if I would have skipped it. I was going to cry anyway. So why not with goodbyes?

Some people become such an integral part of your lives even when you would never expect them to. Our maid is an year younger to me. She has been very faithful , loyal and easy going.No complaints ever!
At any point of time , she had better idea about the things in my house than I myself did! She was a great helping hand to mom and has been an important person even for my kid brother. She has raised him too , in a way.

I wish her good luck. I pray she remains happily married.

Thanks for everything. You'll be missed.

Damage Control :P

I hosted the party thrown to celebrate my sister's recent achievement - She cleared her CA final exam =)
This was the first time I got the chance to be at the center stage. And I'm proud to have managed pretty well :D

To make the party interesting and more fun...we decided to dedicate songs to our family members.

To my grandmom..
'Hum sath sath hai...' :P

The couples..my uncles and aunts..and my mom dad were dedicated old love songs.

'Ae meri zoharzabi..tujhe maloon nahi '

' Kya khoob lagti ho..badi sundar dkihti ho'

' Tera mujhse hai pehle ka naata koi...yuhin dil lubhata nahi'

' Aankhon mein teri ajab si ajab si aadyein hai'

For my aunts ( dad's sisters ) -

Phoolon ka tarron ka..sab kehna hai...ek hazar mein meri behna hai

Cousins :
Just married  - ' Tere mast mast do nain'  and  'Tum jo aaye zindagi mein..' :P

For my brother ( first cousin)
"To the most eligible bachelor...."

Bachna aee haseeno .. ;)

"To our fashion sensation.."

Fashion ka hai ye jalwa.. :P

For my darling sister.. [ The one who is a Chartered Accountant now ;) ]
Few days back she told me how she always wanted to be a choreographer to which I was like :O what ?!!
And then we thought why not reveal this secret desire of hers to everyone ? :P
So I announced and let the cat out of the bag :D
But..there was a problem. The song didn't play.
..to which I was like " Ok..looks like the song skipped.. now thats quite a secret"
And before I knew it...I sang for her :D :D  
Damage control :D

Dance pe chance mar le..

Then she dedicated a song to us sisters.

Tere jaisa yar kahan...kahan aisa yaarana :)

Next..the best dedication :P --- to this cousin of mine who talks with such etiquette & all that jazz...that his usage of hindi words can absolutely stump you :|
" Agar aap inse baat karenge ..toh lagega ki aap kisi shehenshai duniya mein pohoch gaye.... when you talk to him the background music would be something like this.."

Aazim-o-shaan shehensha :D

lol..he was darn embarrassed :D
 ( And the idea was mine ahem :P )

To the Wikipedia ( this guy can talk about anything!! and you cannot beat him with his knowledge update!)
 ' I'm the best..I'm the best :P'

Last  to our youngest lil brat

'Bum bum bole..masti mein dole' :D

So much fun!! :D
Oh yea..the food was awesome!
This was one of the best family get-together :)

'Heavy' weekend.

We folks work upon a different calender. Our Rakshabandhan is always celebrated a day after Ganesh Chaturthi. So we happened to bask in the celebration  for the second time ( had already conducted the ceremony during the mathura trip )

It was an awesome weekend I've had .. we all have had.
Ate like a glutton .Felt like my stomach would explode about at any moment!
So it started off Friday night when we all went for the movie Dabang with my family. Got to spend more time with bhabhi! ( bhaiya got married just about 2 months back & came down hometown only now after the wedding )

Saturday we sisters got our much due party from my 2nd elder brother! He switched his job from the Bank to Reliance obviously getting a higher package! So we were not going to let it go just like that.We were hellbent on not doing away with his excuses. And finally..we got our dinner treat!

Went to Ten Downing Street & had mouth watering pasta along with the dinner.
Since all our pestering was for dinner treat along with cad-b , my bro wouldn't let it go away either.So despite the heavy dinner..and all of us already nagging about the fact that we won't able to eat anything more - we were taken to cad-b for the chocolate milkshake!! I mean at this point I would have ideally puked but then it was chocolate & no matter what - 'I' always have sufficient space & appetite for chocolate ice cream / milkshake.Had cad -b.And it was yum! I felt like I must have put on half a kg by then.
I wonder what it was like with my younger sister whom I often call 'Sugar Free' because she abhors eating sweets , ice reams etc! lol Poor her :P

Sunday was the day to get richer :P And maybe for that matter - even healthier! ( not the fit healthy..the fat healthy ) Ate a lot again.. lunch with special marwari dishes that are heavy enough to be equivalent to eating food for 2 days! But that was just the main course. Sweets are an indispensable part of any fest - whether you happen to be into the category of my sugar free sister or the rest of us :P And so it began. With rasgulla and laddu! This is the first time I didn't quite enjoy sweets. Too much of sweet just leaves you sour :O  And again , I must mention I feel bad for my sugar free sis :P  She was so badly forced to eat the laddu :D lol

Coming to the part where we got richer...my bro & bhabhi gifted us snazzy tees.It didn't fit me.I knew it wouldn't.Not after all that food & sweets we had in 2 days. ( Ok how lame..it didn't fit me because I'm on the healthier side since like a couple of months :P )
My other cousin brothers gave us money. And my younger bro has promised to gift me a Blackberry phone. And if I tell anyone that I already have plans not to get it - all of them are going to kill me! Its been like 2 months I'm trying to figure out which cell to buy. My Nokia has already gone through what I call "plastic surgery" because I've had to use ticso tapes to put the backside cover firm.Currently even the keypad is paralyzed. And yet I wouldn't buy a cell phone because I'm CONFUSED.

I wonder if I'll ever decide what to get .I'm in so much dilemma that I prefer my old distraught battered cell which is lame. Avadh remarked that I wasn't getting married to think so much :P lol
I've been pointing out at least one flaw with each & every option I've been given so far. What to do..there's no prefect phone out there ! And if there is one - its out of my budget , by default!
Ok before any of them rushes out to kill me..I'd better just go & get something!
Hopefully. Wish me luck!

Parikrama.

Made a pilgrim trip which now seems like an yearly affair . This time I went to Mathura Vrindavan - The birthplace of Lord Krishna , also known for a lot of other famous related tales.

We gave a 21 km Parikrama around the 'Govardhan Parvat' / hill - barefeet in 8 hrs. I don't know the significance of this Parikrama and nobody had the answer when I asked for it. The parvat or hill was lifted by Lord Krishna to protect  brijvasi ( people of Mathura ) from sloshing rains.


We saw people doing the Parikrama by completely bowing down on the road - one of them bowing down 108 times at one place!! So our barefeet parikrama didn't seem like much of a deal except when the last 5 kms got really painful with every muscle in the leg crying for rest. But we made it.Like a thousand others.

There were more than a hundred thousand or maybe 1 crore people [ don't remem the figure] who gave Parikrama in the last week. I always wonder about the religious beliefs. Nobody asks WHY ? Everyone just makes a move.And so did I.

Despite my unanswered questions - I gave the parikrama with full faith.
There wasn't anything electric or divine about this place unlike how usually pilgrim places make you feel.The roads were littered with garbage & cow dung. And yes , we walked through all of that. After our first one or two km of walk , we were immune to the cowdung and the dirty roads.

Its an annoying and disturbing fact that a pilgrim place like Mathura which is given so much importance and  has such a strong religious association - isn't taken care of the way it should be. Dunno why the UP Government is sleeping! With a swarm of devotees visiting Mathura Vrindavan every year , something should have been done ; atleast by now! 2010!!. The complete infrastructure is a mess. Its not about making an 'easy' parikrama route , its about keeping the sanctity of that place in its right form.

> We gave the Parikrama the second day. The first day we went to Vrindavan to visit temples. The ISKCON temple was absolutely beautiful and ELECTRIC - that spark of spirituality and closeness to divinity that I was longing for.Stunning.
Saw a couple of foreigners singing bhajans and dancing in their own world.


> The third day we visited Neemgav. Now this place definitely stirred me inside out.I always thought my roots are from Rajasthan.But we basically  hail from the 'Neembarak Sampradaya' or clan which is Five thousand years old. My forefathers had lived in Rajasthan.We have some people out there keeping a record of our family chain which is how we are aware of the names & place of birth of our last 9 or 10 forefathers!
So we still come from Rajasthan but we BELONG to Mathura - that's what I concluded.

 Lord 'Neembarak' is an avatar of Lord Vishnu after whom the place got its name - Neemgav.
 We also visited the spot where 'Lord Neembarak ' supposedly  meditated for years.

The Neem tree under which he meditated is said to be 5000 years old. I had a funny stupid yet sensible thought that maybe they should conduct carbon dating on the tree to truly know if the tree is 5000 yrs old :|


Evening was reserved for a trip to AGRA to visit the Taj mahal - a monument I have been dying to see.I'm NOT exaggerating. I badly wanted to see it. All my other cousins were quite indifferent to the idea of going Agra - one because it would have been a total of 5 hrs of car run ( and all of us were already quite tired ) & secondly because nobody was so particularly interested in seeing Taj Mahal - at least not as much as I was!
The other option they had was to visit more temples. It was but natural they chose Agra :P
BUT we got stuck in major traffic on half our way. It was 4.30 and we had 55 kms more to go. The driver suggested not to go any further as the gate closes down by 5.30. We still feel he made us a fool and that we could have made it to the Taj Mahal :((
---  And since I was the MOST excited one to see Taj ..my cousins constantly teased me as the plan went kaput!!  It was funny - the way they teased me.

I gave one short statement - that the world will conspire to make my wish come true :P lol Ok this one was a bit too much ..so I promised that I will specially visit Agra sometime to see the Taj :)) to which they gave invisible pats and inaudible applaud :D


Fooled that we were - we had to deviate our way to a nearby temple and this place called 'Akshay Patra' . Ok now this was one GOOD thing to see . Its a kind of a factory where about 40,000 chapatis are made in ONE hour by machines - right from the kneading of the flour. A complete meal is prepared  by the machines and this mid-day meal is served to school going kids.Its very well controlled and organized.Sophisticated.And obviously a non-profit initiative. Awesome , ain't it ??
The temple right next to this was that of ISKCON again. And the Darshan we had here were the MOST beautiful I've ever had in my life. It was DIVINE. The idol of Radha Krishna was decorated in a way as to make it look like they are dancing.


> The fourth & last day we flocked to the Ghaat of Yamuna river - the 'vishram sthal' [ = relaxtion place ] of Lord Krishna.We were at the ghaat in Mathura. Right across the river is Gokul - the place where Krishna was raised by Yashoda - and this path across the river was crossed by Krishna's father to save him from being killed by Kans.
[ I know I know I'm giving extra information but I feel its necessary to mention since I revised a lot of things  about the epic tale during this trip ]



============================================================


We boarded our train in the evening.
Coming to the more significant details - I had LOT of fun with my family & cousins! We were altogether a bunch of 26 people. I'm very happy to have made this trip. During our train journey to Mathura : 18 of us sang bhajans together for about an hour.( Thankfully nobody in the train complained!!)

I wish somebody takes the initiative to make Mathura a cleaner neater and beautiful place.
And I wish my wish to see Taj is fulfilled soon. Quite strangely I wasn't turned off that we couldn't make it to Agra. I have become indifferent to my unfulfilled exciting wishes :|


I loved spending time with my cousins. They were fantastically funny & fun as always :D
We played cards which  seems like an established compulsory  ritual at all our outings.
Mathura will remain one my most memorable journey.

Can't bottle it up...

Getting back to old routine is tough after spending an amazing time that stretched over for two weeks.
To contain all the excitement is even more tough...because it all got over within minutes.And now it all feels like a long long dream.
So yet again..there isn't much that remains for me to jot down.
And even as am angry that I'm unable to convert sundry photographic moments into words , what bothers me more is that - Old life is going to bite me crazy. :x

Summarizing the last few days : I've had a BLAST - dancing , eating , laughing , traveling , and putting on some of my best glad rags.

Its been a roller of a fortnight.None of us aware of time or week day ..and all of us soaked in crazy celebration ;)

It was the best wedding I've attended so far.And the best of best time I've had with all of my family.
A special mention : Sumptuous lip smacking tongue crackling  food.

We put in a lot of effort in making our Sangeet a success and thankfully it paid off ;)

Its indescribable..of how much I have enjoyed.
Letting the tiredness wear off.
Will be back with a bang.

I'll probably know all the ceremonies by heart

 My brother ( first cousin ) got engaged! Everyone's extremely happy :) We all have been excitingly looking forward for his marriage since he is the eldest in our generation.
The wedding's only a month away.We all are busy deciding songs & theme for the Sangeet and desperately finding a good choreographer.

Yesterday I went over to my sisters' place to finalize all of these things.Instead we ended up putting on random songs and danced like maniacs (monkeys).Hopping , laughing , teasing - we happened to keep a dance competetion & made the younger sister - the judge.I won the monkey dancing competetion :P

Another cousin of mine from maternal family got engaged today!! And I might attend her wedding if I don't have any of my exams clashing.Actually I really do wish to go for her wedding whenever it'll be.Its a nice excuse to spend super fun time with cousins :D

Oh and did I mention that this relative of mine..who basically belongs to my grand mom's family is going to get married in November :P His wedding would be in Jaipur and I want to go there as well :D I have met the one who's getting married...so its not like I would end up attending weddings just for the heck of it :P
My grand mom's family is huge.I haven't met half of them and haven't seen the other half since ages.It would be nice to get to know all.

Wow.Its going to be a full on wedding year.My plate's full :)

We marwaris have a number of functions and ceremonies.
I think by the end of the year I'll be well versed with each of those :P

Getting to Know ??!

Ever wondered HOW you and your best buddies became the most nondetachable souls ?

I bet there's no answer to this and I've figured why ..why is it that you never realize how  you've become so close to someone without ever planning it in advance.
Of how you CONNECT so well.
Of why it doesn't happen between you and everyone else that you know.

And know what ? Its because you never deliberately try to 'GET TO KNOW' after you've crossed the comfort level stage.

You let it happen all by itself.

Take for example the virtual world.The more effort you make into asking each other 'about themselves' , the more the chances it wouldn't strike.
You understand a person BETTER when you know them through natural conversations.Something that happens in friendships with our best buddies.

Do you remember ever initiating the first talk with your friends ( who now are the best ones ) by asking them "Tell me about you?"
Or asking their Favs ??

NO! A spontaneous natural conversation is all that did the magic.

And that's why you know more about each other through the other talks that you've had than directly asking them about those respective topics.

Funnily , sometimes you do not know of ALL of their true likings and dis likings.And its perfectly allright.

 I strongly feel one must not try too hard to GET TO KNOW the other person.

Move with the flow.And you'd never know how much you do know =)

Fight

I played Holi after some 5 or 6 years and it was just GREAT!
Ours wasn't a violent Holi , something I define as the one where all sorts of colors are smudged upon tidy faces giving no chance to the victim to run away.
No we don't do that.

Instead , we hit each other with water balloons :D which hurt like hell.

We were 5 of us and got ourselves divided into two teams 4-1!
My team was Fantastic 4 and our opponent - the sole member of his team - was named Home Alone team :P
And this entire water balloon fight was named Balloony Tunes! :D

For the record , Home Alone team won ! :o

-----------------

I saw Teen patti which is a slutty movie.Seriously sick.
No base.Random.Poor presentation. Poorly crafted sentiments.
21 was so snazzy.Dazzling.Teen Patti ain't even 1/100th of it.

As for Karthik Calling Karthik...I found it OK.They had a good subject to tip on.Although it wasn't much of a suspense to me as I've previously read a lot about Alter Ego , thanks to the movie Fight Club.
Have always been fascinated with that topic + having had watch the movie with my psychology friends ..my knowledge was only updated.
My friend told me that there was a case somewhere abroad where a woman had 100 different personalities :|
Scary , ain't it ?

When we were watching KCK , my friend and I said in unison , that its alter ego
It ain't important but just to note - I then told her after my...ahem..*analysis* that the protagonist is recording his own voice.
I was so proud to figure that out :P
Unfortunately ..I couldn't ruin the climax for my other friends.
How I wish I could do that!

I've already been a quite movie spoiler earlier.
It works this way - If its suspense : let the cat out of the bag.
In case of a much awaited movie on the go : give a false storyline.
...Which
Is
An invitation to all sorts of abuses and death threats :-)

The animated talk.I Like.

Chaat stall
P2 : Raj-kachori ?
me : Yeah!!
P2 : meetha chahiye ? ( knows  that I want 'meetha' )
me : umm thik hai..dekh le  -sounding disinterested-
P2 : Bhaiya meetha kum karna
me :  -looking around-
P2 : chalta na kum meetha ??
me : umm han..
P2 : bhaiya thoda aur kum karna meetha
me : -still looking around-
P2 : pakka ..chalta na ?
me : han jaisa bhi tujhe chahiye
P2 : Accha toh bhaiya meetha dalna hee mat
me : *alarmed* abey oyeee..NAHI...meetha chahiye!

Lol! That cracked me up.

me : Yaar..where did P1 go ?
P2 : Phone kar na
me : 360 degree look around
P2 : call call
me : Han..woh rahi...wahan - pointing aimlessley somewhere-
P2 : Accha phone nahi karna tha isliye mil gayi woh...
       kanjoos!
:D


P2 : Enjoyed so much today
me : All because of my presence.
P2 : oh yeah..- giving a go fly a kite look-
me : We didn't eat that stuff
P2 : I never eat so much in weddings.
me : Weddings mein aake khana nahi khaya toh phir kya kiya ?? :D
P2 : Right.Lets attack.
:D

P1 the slow eater , the dieting babe.Strictly-no-sweets.
P1 : You all done with dinner ?
me : of course..two times over! 
P1 : Giving me the oh-I-know-you look.
me : Come on..you guys go eat! I have to leave in 10 mins
P1 : Ok
me : 30 mins for you right ?  -chuckling -
P1 : giving me the kill you looks. No!

me : hey you..( to  p1's friend ) the sweets section is right there..diagonal..Go take her there first! :P
P1 : giving me the  -I'll fry a jalebi out of you , so you better shut up-

love to tease P1 each and every time it comes to food. :D
In fact .. love to tease just anyone that I can :D
Honestly am good at it - At least with those ..jinki mai rag rag se wakhif hoon :D 

Yeah am flashing my teeth far too much.Can't help it..Really happy :D
Spending time with my two most lovable sisters makes me go on a roll.
And thankfully my birthday wasn't a disaster either.
And ..of course ..more weddings coming up.Great food basically :D

Crackers

I'll be lying if I say Diwali was Great but it was fine & fun.No complaints.No grumbling from my side.Its been too fast like always.And some muck-in-your-face moments just made it worse.There are such unimaginable characters around ! Some people are really sick.But then , I don't care.The problem is : its a disaster when some really close people have something very hurting to say.

Its getting too much for me to get over so many emotions at one single time.So many decisions.And so many comparisions.However , somehow I didn't feel that pang of guilt , rage or regret anytime.Maybe I'm just too tired - to react , to boil my blood over or to shed tears.

Anyway , Diwali : I socialized a little bit.Stepped into my neighbour's home which otherwise I wouldn't ever do.I mean most of them are useless or pathetic or DUMB! And then I'm not quite fond of anyone except my extended family.Family's family.Simply great ! Neighbours are neighbours - they spy , they gossip , they are never there for you for even a tiny help if required , and they are just not your family.Why would they care for you ?!

I do LIKE to interact with people , talk to them ; wanting to keep a sensible conversation going on but my neighbours are not sensible enough.I mostly feel like I'm surrounded by strangers.People seem so busy to respond to a smile.To say a hello once a while.Act so weird.Its pathetic.But anyway , not all of them are that way.There are FEW nice people too.And its always good to talk to them.

One of the reasons why the non sensible ones are categorized into that field is because of their patent dialogue : "Kitni baadi ho gayi!" As if I'm supposed to be 10 yrs old - forever!

I didn't fire crackers.I'm not crazy about it.I like watching people do that.I like watching the sky glitter.But I hate the noise.Some crackers sound good , others- most - are deafening!

I wonder why am not hyper with festivity.Why I'm not over excited.I haven't been whole-heartedly mentally PRESENT in last couple of days in any of the activities around the home.
I'm just not me.Not the hyper me.Not the normal me.Not the shy one.Not the sad one.Not having stupid crushes either.Just someone I haven't ever been.So lifeless.

Somewhere I know what's bothering me...

and ...

we are back to square one - Its bothering me , AGAIN.

I would have been able to keep the troubles at bay..had I figured a solution which I just don't see coming to me.Whirlwind of Trash!

* BB : Wanted to see Inglorious Bastards.

P2 : oh..I didn't hear of that movie.

BB : You just say..we are going for Inglorious beep beep.

And then , we actually laughed =) I love it when I laugh at something which isn't a 'joke' but timely funny.Love the moment.

Felt pretty much divine

I've been so busy last week that I haven't had the time to look myself into the mirror :P
lol.. I wanted to use this particular line/phrase since such a long time !

I don't know where to begin from.Of whether how hastily I made a plan or how proud I am to be making an abs right decision , of how am upset that the week is over & am back or that I had a wonderful time. I have just toooo much to write & share about.
ok , WONDERFUL TIME part
We had a family get together at Tirupati.My maternal family get together.We were supposed to be 80 ppl but cut short to 61 at the end.None of the kids were going to come.
kids = actual kids + the unmarried teens/adults :P

but thanks ..really thanks to swine flu that the ones staying in pune & blore had no school/coll which forced them to come :) I was so eager to be a part of this & since last 2 months I'd been telling mom that come what may..I'm gonna go to Tirupati.

The reason wasn't just meeting everyone.I really wanted to go to a pilgrim in any part of India & it cldnt get better with a family meet.Know what ? there's a saying that 'tum bhagwan k darshan k liye nahi jate..bhagwan tumhe bulate hai' ( essence of some context lies in its regional lingo )
It so very much fits in my case.I had cancelled all my plans to Tirupati but then suddenly 2 days b4 the meet , my cousins said that they'll be going & there was just no way I was going to sit at home & miss all the fun.

There wasn't any direct flight to b'lore on the 15th of Aug & that time I felt maybe I won't be able to make it. But I don't know what made me change my mind & calculate other possibilities.Before I cld even make sense out of how fast things were moving , I flew to mumbai on 15th evening , reached home at 10.30 & stayed awake till 2 in morning.Had to wake up at 3.30 to catch a flight to Blore.
I wanted to stay in B'lore for atleast a day but we had to rush.I reached Tirupati by afternoon & everybody was taken aback that I'd managed to come . I was given a warn welcome that brought instant joy.

Spent the rest of the evening playing cards :P yeah we 'kids' didn't have much to do apart from that.I counted later - there were 16 of us packed in a small room playing cards , giggling - Nik & Monkey teasing me & Rach + cracking envy jokes.
Gross they were as usual!

Next high-tea.
And then started the programme for the evening.I told Rach ' Time to feel Divine' .Everybody sang 'bhajans' for about 2 hrs.I don't think I stopped clapping even for a minute all the while :) I enjoy listening & singing bhajans specially the ones sung live.
After dinner , we kids got back to playing cards & of what I remember stayed awake till 1 only to wake up at 2.30! Hurried & scurried to get ready by 3.30 sharp.Then we left for the temple.It took us two hours to see Balaji God :) At Balaji temple , you've gotta go through a long route to reach the entrance of the temple. Those 2 hrs passed away in a click because again we all sang bhajans.And I again said to Rach ' time to feel divine' :)

Around 6.30 we all headed back to the place we were staying at.Had breakfast.Again in afternoon , we went for darshan.On the way to the temple , there was some kind of disturbance caused by other people.They were almost ready to kill us :S Our group splitted , so all we were doing is trying to collect everyone.But the others took advantage & seeped ahead.I felt claustrophobic.It really got scary.Those ppl were yuck.

Darshan was really nice.Bubble was my religious wikipedia who told me things I never asked her :P She had an explanation for everything..Of why things are the way things are. Irked me a little at times but I was so low on energy that there was no point losing my temper , lol.
I hardly slept for 4 hrs in those 48 hrs & I was still ready to play cards :D

We were playing this game called 'Killer' where there's a detective holding the card J & the killer being the one holding the card K.The killer is supposed to kill everyone else by winking & the J or detective has to tell who the killer is.After being winked , one had to say 'I am dead'
Full on time pass :D

On this evening , we all sat together for Sundarkand. I chanted all the mantras except for few times when I almost slept.Was very tired.
And later on , we celebrated Rakshabandhan.I didn't earn much :(
That night too we were awake till 1 in morning.Next day we came down to Tirupati ( Balaji temple is at Tirumalai ) & visited two more temples.On our way , we listened to Telugu songs :D lol

At 7 , we were in our train.One full boogie for us !That was super fun :) Enjoyed the journey back to my maternal hometown.
This was the only time that I didn't want the train journey to end.
Btw , we played cards in train too :P

Brat was crying because he thought he had swine flu :D No I'm not going to 'lol' or laugh at this one , I was really 'awww' for him.I mean my sweet lil 16 yr old Brat cried ??! :D He is Adorable :)) Nahh not at all stupid.

Spent the rest of the week with my cousins , first at my nani's house & then in Pune.
Enjoyed every SECOND of it.
Had paneer tikka masala three days in a row and inspite of that being my fav , I missed ghar ka khana ! Had hookah too! Liked apple flavor.

One thing I know now - what makes me the most happiest is Family.I used to skip these events , weddings etc 2-3 yrs back but once I attended two weddings recently, these ppl have turned into powerful magnets & there's no getting away form them.

The best part is that : My rapport with each cousin of mine has developed so much. Earlier there were problems : fights, taunts, cold shouldering ,mood swings etc
After all the fun , I used to feel something left out.As if my time wasn't worth it.But there has been a major change since then.I've never been so much happier. Also , its thanks to my non-cribbing + non - nagging mode which is helping.Seriously...seriously..if you stop sulking - every single atom/molecule of every single part in life is beautiful.

The worst part : I'm back :( bloody time has to bloody move so fast!!! every hour there passed like a second & frankly I can write about each & every hour in detail !

The good part : I'm just too happy to have found an inclination towards God which is beautiful.
Content with my rapport with cousins.They make for GREAT friends :)
Content with my weight loss & the corresponding compliments :) Lol ..its so funny , everybody else has put on weight :D

The question : Why is everybody so faithful for Balaji God ? Why do I never see so many ppl together at any other temple ??! :S

The hitch : I cldn't pray properly.I mean they give you 10 seconds to be inside the temple & that time I just went blank.Will regret that :( Everything was too mesmerizing to let me focus on my wish list.

I'm missing everyone.Found a backup in my paternal family though :) We celebrated Rakshabandhan on Monday ! Too late but I guess but we prefer having our own calender :P

I'm not really content with how I've written this post.It wasn't supposed to be this way.I had a lot of things in my mind to jot down & a lot of ways in which I wanted to write 'em down.
Huh but I don't have the patience to write again.And its been too long that I've posted.
So be it !

Selfless gratitude

Sometimes hearing 'Be Brave' in a relaxed -yet -in- all -seriousness -tone from ONE person is far greater than twenty others asking you to take care.

Its a skill to be able to convey a message with all genuineness.The one who hears gains some momentum in his/her strength.Feels good :)

Thanks to my hottest friends for being my coolest energy drink.
Thank you for NOT sympathizing.

Thank you God.Thank you Mom.
Thank you my extended family.
Thanks to P1 & P2.Thanks to my brother.
No thanks to dad : you never warned me ?!?!

I am exhausted .On top of that I'm losing my temper in same magnitude as am draining out.I need to act 19 , for god sake! Or atleast very responsible.Perfectly responsible.So that nobody gets to makes a fuss of my tiny lethargic flaws.


The latest in self-realization is that : I've at last put a debate with myself on hold - of whether I'm selfish or not.
My innocent self doesn't allow me to see myself selfish.I haven't reached a conclusion as yet , but I guess its leading to a way that's telling me that I have faith on my rather indescribable confidence OR I have confidence in my rather indescribable faith BUT NOT SELFISH.Either of the two but certainly one of the two.
I can't let a third option pop-in because that can only be lethargy , considering which is a pain to me.
Maybe I should stop debating.Its OK to be a little selfish , isn't it ? And its OK not to be ;)

Focusing back to priorities - THANK GOD! I mean thank YOU God! :))
I wasn't scared at all.I knew everything would be abs fine.
Thank you dad.( I don't exactly know for what - for telling something & yet hiding something more imp. But thanks now that you did tell SOME thing which is good & detailed )