Thursday, July 30, 2009
So yesterday I was finding my scooty at the parking ( something am ashamed of owning!)
No suspense here.I did find it.
The self start wasn't working.So I had to kick start.I hate to kick start.
I tried doing so a couple of times..& by the time I thought my scooty is back to life..it fainted.
Meanwhile I was laughing.I don't know what was funny about it but I was probably laughing thinking of the previous joke I shared with my friend which too wasn't funny at all.
I lost my balance & the scooty fell.
I let it fell.
And I stood there ..cold ..watching it go bang on the floor.
The way I lost the bal was FUNNY. I mean , I cldn't handle a stupid scooty ? :D lol
All this had to happen in presence of Wicked V.
That guy hates me..or he pretends to hates me or neither.
But he certainly dislikes me because he looks at me as if he is going to kill me.
Not that I hold any grudges against him for telling out my nick name to everyone in school.And then asking everyone to tease me :- jerk But I do find that guy weird.I would have given him the Kill you looks too but then am not so complicated as him :S
What on this earth is the deal with him ??! We never spoke to each other in school as soon as there were rumours that we are together. I loathed him then.Now..haven't we grown mature ? At least..I have ! :P Whereas he seems to be the same arrogant Kid!
We had started talking again..A little hi-bye talk but now he behaves as if once upon a time..I really killed him :D What is supremely funny is that..he kind of blushes when our common friends tease him.When they tease me...I just laugh.Bcoz it reminds me of how silly he'd been.I cannot make myself react angrily nor does he which is why people till this day think there's something between us lol.
It doesn't matter to me much whether or not he talks to me.Its just that my scooty shouldn't have dropped off my hands when he was there.I'm sure he was laughing :( which is embarrassing.
Ok apart from that.I missed out a point when I was talking of how online friends can be different.
I missed out saying that I must be appearing a hell lot different too.
He must be wondering - She knows am there..yet she wldn't look at me.The other day she just smiled.No hi.Nothing. Then when we happened to talk online..she was all cool. Again when we meet....she knew I was there but she quickly flipped her glance & began talking to her friend.Why does she ignore me so weirdly in public ? And talks nicely online ?
That's exactly how he must be thinking & he isn't wrong.Cannot blame him.
I'm really behaving stupidly.Not that I cannot talk to him. I'm not shy bout it.But I'm just being unreasonable. I'm unable to look at him & strike a conversation.Sometimes I feel..he wants to talk but my response has been so dull that he moves away.Its not an attitude problem either.
And its not just him.I think I do this often.I skip talking to people because I find it pathetic to flirt.But every talk isn't a flirt , is it ?? Its not!! I know I don't flirt.How much will it matter if I go ahead & speak ?
Its strange ..I am unable to - take a proper decision & act Or act spontaneously.I do neither.I just hung up cold.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Discuss future ? Don't we all do that ?
Its kinda different in my family ..actually quite strange & funny with my dad.
It makes me nervous at times.It makes me want to fast fwd life the other times.
I wldn't prefer to go into past.I miss my childhood but I still have fun like a Kid.I watch cartoon with my younger sibling.I play along with him.I fight with him as if we are of same age.( Very immature here ) So my childhood & present is one & the same to me.
There's no rewind factor for me. Just forward. When things are clumsy & something nicer is approaching ..I wld just want to FWD time so that I grab the good things as early as I can.
A couple of weeks back ..we were discussing future.My dad wouldn't easily talk of it ..so when he does I make sure I make him spill all the beans.But he is reserved about many things.
One of the things he told me was that he sees a lot of expenditure in the near future.
So I was like..maybe its all of the left over furniture to be bought ? And maybe some of his work-related stuff ?
He repeated A LOT OF.
Oh so ?
He smiled and said he doesn't have a wink of an idea where the money is going to come from & where it is going to be spent.
lol I was amused , as always.
We discussed few more things.I tried tactfully but couldn't make him reveal more future upcoming events.The atmosphere got a little sentimental.Suddenly we ended the conversation.I wish I could derive more.Because its not everyday my father talks of our written future.
My dad can predict.He can predict the unpredictable.And all we have to do is be prepared in our lives.Nothing can be changed ..that being warned of.But he cannot ever reason as to why something will happen & How ? He just knows WHAT will happen.
Its FUNNY.It absolutely leaves me dazed.I wonder how he keeps up with things when he can see future not being very good. Its must be tough being my dad. Sometimes I also wonder ...just how he is able to pull days neatly knowing trouble is around the corner.And for the most of it..I wonder why he doesn't help me with my career. I just need him to tell me once that whatever I've chosen to do is the rightest thing.
I guess it is the right one.But I'm falling weak Dad.
I wish he tells me what I'm going to be.I mean ..after all when its all pre-decided with our destiny & all that higher level of philosophical jazz which I abs do not question as it is out of my range of understandings..it will be nice if I know what life has in store for me. So that I can begin to be THAT , begin to do what will eventually make me what I'm supposed to be.
Weird ? Yeah , this one ain't funny. Am dead serious.
There's a part of me ...the one that I'm fond of calling the Smart & Silent Believer who wants to make every living person on earth believe in destiny , luck & astrology.Prove it to them.
There's this other part of me..who thinks she can avail of the most defining experiences in life only if her dad makes it possible for her which he can but is in no hurry.
For me - Its not very important to Prove people how many amazing fantasy like things befall in and around our lives.
But if it can just strike for once...I'd like to taste the moment which I'm sure will be the most deliciously spicy dish I've ever had.
I never talk of my dad's talent to a lot of people.Not even with my closest friends.They never seen to be too keen to know.Or they never seem to understand what important , unbelievable & magical theory I'm sharing with 'em. If I sense that..I never speak of it again.But I've had enough of talking bout it to myself.
For I believe , if you know something special ...let the world know it too.
Because not everybody here is extraordinary.Really.
Don't have theories like those of the Old Egyptian Pharaohs who believed they will take Gold along with themselves after they die which is why their followers buried ornaments etc in their coffin.
Similarly Whatever it is here..enjoy it , spend it ( knowledge , money ) right here. Magical secrets need to be shared too , right here.
My belief in God has become stronger & much more confusing ever since I know of my dad's incredible talent which few more people share.But his take on life is the best I know for sure.
I've put a full stop on questioning God's existence.
Its not necessary to debate that anymore.
We see it only when we believe it.
Title courtesy : The book by the same name.
Friday, July 24, 2009
I knew all the three of 'em.That made it worse.It was like being surrounded by not just tall but familiar giants.Almost mocking me for being short :(
So the three of 'em were talking bout their result being declared.And my tall already hyper friend went super hyper on knowing that the result's out.I knew I sld be scared of this girl for being so anxious.Because when she is super hyper...she blurts out unnecessary things.I don't know when & how & WHY , but all of a sudden she said , "M..she is N "
Huh I was staring at her like I had suddenly transformed into a lioness from a lamb .I didn't know if I sld slap her first or say him 'Hi' first.I managed neither. I was frozen.
I knew the guy is M.That one person I been talking to online on & off since last three yrs.
M & I have more than a dozen mutual friends & acquaintances.But I'd never seen him nor had he ever seen me.
I had told my friend of him because I was curious to ensure that he is M.The other day both of us got to know he is M.But I was stubborn that I wldn't go & talk to him since he always seemed to be more interested in talking to me. Fair enough ?? Fair enough!
All these yrs , M occasionally asked me my cell no. & I gave lame excuses like I was sharing my cell with mom :D on which he said that he wasn't going to call me . So I was like..Oh good , whats the point then ? :P
I just found it a bit too weird to keep contact with M when I had only known him online.Maybe I bother too much bout what others might think.And since we were in a close network , I thought we'd naturally meet some day. I just wanted to keep it this way.
BUT to be introduced THAT way ..was embarrassing specially when my friend didn't know him at all ( except his name ) All I told my friend was that if he wanted to talk to me..he sld have been the first one to do so.But guys are difficult. :- to understand , keeping M in mind. And my super hyper friend is even more difficult to handle !
I'm dead sure he knew who I am .And yet that day he said , "Ohhh..I didn't know"
That was far from being innocent.
This is the first time I've met an online friend/acquaintance.I was comfortable meeting him for the fact that he wasn't a complete stranger. And yet..I didn't want to be the first one to go upto him & talk.All I can say is people are so different when you chat to them & so different when you meet them in real & I'm saying this even when I did not talk to him much.
But somehow I tend to paint a picture in my mind of how that person's body language must be. Assumption as it is..bound to have variations.
If someone chats to me in simple normal English..I have a different picture of that person in my mind .And if with those same words ..dat person wld tok 2 me in dis rathr common chattin style of eatin lettrs..I'd have a very different opinion/picture about that person.
I know thoughts matter more than a person's chatting style but I somehow always seem to analyze or picture them on the basis on their typing , lol. WICKED!
Anyway. Curiosity killed the Cat. If I hadn't been so curious to know who M is , I wld have never spoken bout him to my friend , and then my friend wld have never introduced us in a way that wld have left me feel so dumb.
It was even more embarrassing when the third tall person, M's friend chuckled & asked him "Offline ??"
Super hyper friends can do senile things.Remind them to keep their mouth shut.
People you talk to online are very different in reality. Not good or bad , just different from what you assume them to be.
Guys are difficult.
The title is senseless.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
This one is in sync with my last post. ( As a matter of fact..I recd the message few hrs after I posted )
You don't have to be super nice always.Sometimes you have to show your bad side so that you can know who can ACCEPT you even at your worst moods & times.
Life is Like a tennis Match
If you want to WIN , you have to
Play crucial moments coolly
It starts with 'LOVE ALL'
Someone tell me ...where ALL are ?
A beautiful dress is of no use
Until it Inspires
Some one to take it off ;)
lol I like such 'twist' messages.
Whats 143 ?
I hate you
I love you
I miss you
Scrutiny Assessment under Income Tax Act.
Lol.One of my CA- mates sent me this :P
It was long said 'The only time a Black would lead the US would be if & when pigs would fly.'
Only 100 days into office and SWINE FLU
When I cry ...
no one sees my tears
When I smile...
no one sees my happiness.
When I'm angry..
no one gives a damn
Ek ladke ke sath kya ghoomo..puri duniya dekhti hai !
Lol.. My fav :D
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Maybe Its one of the ways to save oneself from getting hurt. But how will life move on without looking up to someone ? Isn't it natural to expect ??? And pretty much Justified. Why would someone expect anything out from a stranger ?
No genuine relationship can ever shrink on the basis of expectations unfulfilled. I mean give a break! We all have mood swings. We all have our own desires.And we all are selfish. So what if once in a blue moon we or someone else do not do things as are assumed ? It will utmost hurt .So many things hurt in life.We all are used to being hurt in some or other form.Whats the big deal anyway ?
Everything in life needn't have hard & fast Rules. Flexibility is so important.
I expect.I bloody expect a lot. And am not crushed to death when I'm disappointed.
I understand everybody has problems in their lives & they cannot always behave the way I want them to. Give 'em the freedom .Don't shoot.
Although the expectations and non-expected events or words depends on time & situation..generally there is no need at all to frown over it.People can be different , they can be indifferent. Keep the options open.Yes , if someones deceiving , then the situation differs but otherwise I accept that I expect.
Now onto friendships & being mean.I call most of my close friends mean out of fun.But on a serious note ..I wonder why people do not realize that Friends are never mean & if someone is mean ..why is that person a friends in the first place ?? What are friends ? People you have fun with ? People you can confide upon ? People with whom there is an unspoken pact that they will be there for you each & every time ? Then how much does it matter how many times that friend of yours ask you for a favor ? And why not ? Friends have the RIGHT to demand anything from you.Because again here , they expect ;)
I've felt a lot of times that my 'friends' came to me just when they needed me.Now when I look back , they were at my call just when I needed them too. But I also know..some of 'em are not my 'friends'. Those are just the ppl I KNOW. People I may have talked a few times with.Shared something.But not friends.
Not that with keeping expectations from others & others with me ..I can always promise to help.But I won't cheat.I may lie if I feel something is not right or my excuses aren't worth , but it will all be for the good in the end ; that keeping in mind that I'm easily envious of people around me.Of my bestest friends. I may have even bitched bout them which I still am not guilty about. It was a part of my mood swing.And its like every year , my friends must grant me 5 mood swings for free where I can go about the unexpected.If there are more , they must penalize me.I won't mind.
Most things in life are actually Simple.Clean.Clear.Calm
They just look complicated.
July to me seems the month of self realized philosophies.
Friday, July 17, 2009
There are a hundred thousand and more people in the form of sea shells & conch.
Some you pick , some catch your attention , some hurt you when you walk over them , some are discolored but in the end - they all are the sea shells ; the people - The people you've met & the people whom you've known for a while or more.They somehow stay with you.They become a part of you because you are at the beach.But they never mean much to you..because they all look Alike. Because they all are a part of a unique herd but not so unique as individuals.
Now what if you find a distinctive feature in the collection ?? But you hide it..not because you do not want anybody to burgle away your booty but because you believe its not a pearl you were looking for or wanted.Nothing you can show off.
You dig a pit in the sand.Conceal your discoveries & long forget you'd accidentally found one.You assume its just another thing.Nothing unique.
After a long time ..you find yourself digging the same place.Yearning to see your hideous material out of curiosity.Did anyone else find it ? Is it still there ? If it is..should I take it along ? Will it be of any use ? Just another shell ?
You are tired.Not lazy but casual about looking for a long forgotten shell.So you leave it as it is.And since it is a vast patch of sand you have footed upon , you decide to naturally run into other shells.
You still don't know if it was deliberate , if someone just wanted you to know what you have been missing but all of a sudden someone calls you out , runs towards you , places something in your hands , and says " You really were looking for it , weren't you ? Why did you give up then ? If anything precious deserves you & you deserve it..it has to come to you even before you realize its worth."
I found the shell back or should I say the shell found me ?
There was a pearl inside it which I never noticed but to this day - I want to declare its worth.
The best part is my pearl shined like a thousand diamonds without any polish =)
I am thrilled . As if butterflies weren't enough for the week , lol.
Sure am popular for a few disguised pearls ;) So what if they're only a FEW ? Quantity doesn't matter.Connection does. ..Apart from quality.Pearls are highly qualitative btw.The weather is beautiful.Adds warmth to the entire episode.
Monday, July 13, 2009
I'm getting attracted to Sad sappy songs at the time when I'm having crushes.Its been TWO years after which I'm having butterflies in my stomach/getting anxious for a guy.All this time the butterflies were for action movies , thrilling novels , not seeing or surprisingly seeing a special online friend , few compliments once in a blue moon & of course shopping.I didn't know it will be so SOON that I'll start liking someone again.I wanted to wait.But of course , this one ain't no serious/strong liking , nor am I gonna turn it into that.I cannot fall weak this bloody time!
The major issue right now is the choice of songs I've been listening to.Listening to highly emotionally challenging songs is not a great idea when you are already feeling low.It brings a lump in my throat.The problem is , I feel as if some one's making me listen to these songs.I mean no matter how much I decide , I just click onto the ones that are sentimental.I'm not even deleting them! Nor will I ask anyone to do that for me.Its like am being dragged to songs like an addict to a drug.However, my drug doesn't make me feel high.Its not harmful either :P Huh What kind of bloody drug is this ?
Ok I have an answer for this one.I got a text from a friend which I'm modifying to bring my answer.
I'm so addicted to the drug of sad songs that if I have nothing to compensate for its deficiency - I'll use noodles to hang myself , sponge to hit me , rubber knife to cut my vein & water pistol to blow my head.
That should land me in a thermocol hospital/rehab , lol.
And thermocol reminds me of something I saw on TV few days back.It was on 'India's Got Talent.' There was this group called Illuminati which staged the most popular video game 'Super Mario'. They used UV effect & had the entire set of the game made in thermocol - like the tortoise , the Dollar points , bricks etc.It was so damn creative !!! I loved playing Mario in my childhood.The way they staged it - it was as if you're watching a Mario movie !
I was impressed.Superbly creative.
Friday, July 10, 2009
One thing I've learnt in this unusually non-over-analysis & self-observation state is that solution to every single thing is not cribbing about the problem.Grumbling doesn't help either.Even when there isn't a problem in the true sense of the word , there is really no need to grumble.
Secondly , I've been criticizing every little detail around me.Be it movies or being upset about the new furniture at home.I made mistakes.I never actively took charge of what was being done to the house.Now I don't deserve to complain!
Thirdly , I really must stop criticizing right now.Its wicked how I've been debating aggressively of how an actor did not do well in a movie.Whats the big deal ? And more importantly WHY ? Its cunning that I of all people has forgotten to appreciate.I have been the one to make an effort to make others appreciate any particular person or thing whether or not I fancy the same.Now I've turned into the fault-finder.
I love to appreciate - could be out of envy at times & strangely mixed with genuineness - but I always did.The more faults I find , the more upset I am.
Now onto the cheerful side - Joining gym has been the most refreshing thing I've done in last one YEAR.Yes! I cld have joined dance class & ignited my passion for dancing but I just couldn't make it.Exercising has been a lot of fun specially when I get to spend a good 45 mins with one of my best friends when otherwise we wouldn't be able to meet & talk endlessly :) That makes the work out much more easier. I have lost about 2 kgs in less than 2 months but my body isn't perfectly toned up yet.In fact , its not toned up at all :-(
Guys at gym are weird.That's the least to say.Some are funny.And of course I found a cute looking one too :P Turns out he is a Gujju.I'm yet to figure out why I always come across cute gujju guys :D I also feel he is someone I know as we have mutual friends.Hmm :P
I met my friend K yesterday after months.Of all the people on earth , I had to turn to him to help me suggest career options.Although I asked him very casually to find me something , he seems do have done a lot of research.The problem now is , he is forcing his opinion. Huh
I was very happy to know that he actually found out so many things for me , whether I liked all of that or not.Secondly , I'm again very happy & impressed to see how confident he is.I mean so far I always thought this guy only likes to brag but yesterday there was something more to it.He sounded supremely confident , sharing all of his achievements delightedly :-) He talked so much that I started wondering if he is talking to himself.I mean I really did not have a chance to say much & even if I did , I'm sure I wouldn't have had a lot to say.Very typical of me.I listen more.I speak less.
Amidst all , I began admiring him.
He is the guy I unreasonably liked a lot.Never thought that I would re-like him.But atleast am admiring him now :-)
I was feeling good & bad.Jealous on top of that.Good as I'm happy to know him the way he is.Bad as we do not get to spend much time together.Jealous as he has definitely made a lot of friends & am not the special one anymore.
He needs to learn to be chivalrous though.I paid for the treat , yet again! lol
I consider it as my fees for his career counselling .Not very expensive :P
But if I constantly pay this way , I'll run out of all my secretly saved money.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Isn't it nice to lazily lay on the couch.Be in your own think-world.Randomly recollecting instances.Listening to the radio.And then randomly thinking of a song which you 'wish was played on radio'.
And ? ?
The rum ball!!! The song plays the instance you think of it!
Isn't it nicer to meet a friend in a traffic jam just when you least expect them to.And the friend recognizes you even when your face is wrapped with the duppata :P And then the friend screams first with surprise & next with anger "Why cldn't you recognize me?!"
am not good with disguises even if its just a duppata.
How would I explain that I've innumerably screamed out wrong names when I tried making out who the person behind the duppata is :P
Isn't it nicest to ..now this one just doesn't have to be a rum ball.This has to be a pastry.
So , Isn't it nicest to...reciprocate a lil geezer to a friend :P
This is in connection with the shock given to me
And it so happened that the very next day I wrote bout it...My friend was in huge disbelief + shock + surprise over something I'd done.
"You did Art of Living ? You never told me!! "
Lol I wanted to say..you never asked me..but Its difficult to speak when you are laughing & making a mental note to yourself What a day!! :D I just kind of hi-five-ed her .She gave me a confused look as if she didn't remember what happend the other day.Specially the smug!
Why does this particular instance wins over all rum balls ? Because it left me
amusingly surprised !
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
"Not that I didn't think of that one..its just now that I've decided to keep that option open."
I cried few days back ..all of a sudden because I realized how super jealous I am of some people in particular . Some rich people :P
I cannot digest the fact that am not having an opportunity to enjoy life the way I want to. And its sooooo envious to watch others making most of their times.I'm certainly happy for them as I'm close to the people in question here...but I'm still jealous.
Confession maybe good for the soul.
However its not helping ease the pain.
I can't wait to be rich. Who doesn't wanna be rich ? Thats not the issue.I want to be!
I've even built up hope on the basis of a family palmist's predictions on my life :P
I know its stupid to plan life that way.And moreover he can be wrong.Just like he said I'd get married at 22.
The latter one should turn out to be untrue but I have no complaints with the former one - being very rich :P
I do not want all the money in the world to brag about it to others.
I want it for myself . I have an exclusive wish list & I wanna make it!
My mum's sis can never stop talking bout the money she has :P Its so funny! I do not idolize her at all :D loll
And then totally opposite to her is my maternal aunt ..who is 10 times richer & yet she doesn't have an ounce of arrogance . She NEVER brags.
I love her for that!
And I love G too , her son. He is sooo unbelievably down to earth!
To the point now
To the $ Riches $
$ I'm joining your league soon $ :P