Central Park NYC

I've been through soooo much shit in the past 2 or 3 years ..that I have no idea what I've become. Maybe little less human. :\
Ok weird.

But now I challenge you to stone my head ( metaphorically ofcourse) - and I won't tether. No reaction.  kuch nahi hoga mujhe . It wouldn't matter to me.
Because I've seen worse.😅

'Things happen for good'. 

I wish to raise questions on this.

Is it good if it makes you stone hearted ?
Is it good if it robs you off of any little emotions that you had kept away from getting bruised ?
It is good if it brain fogs your very being ?

How good really?

But we don't have a reverse gear , do we ? Not to change things that have reached to this conclusion  , instead not having to deal with them in the first place altogether.

All I can eventually take with are lessons (which would serve what great purpose - am still unaware of! ) Lessons which cost me an arm & a leg. A roller coaster of every fiber of my emotion.

I pledged to value myself. To love myself. However, its fizzling out in this frenzy of what seems to be an everlasting loop of keeping hopes on a tenterhook.
And yet I try.
We all want to see that silver lining , innit ? Even if it means we might just have to hallucinate it - just for namesake!

In all of this chaos - which I deliberately refrained from penning down , there's ofcourse something GOOD I'd like to keep on these pages.


Its this wonderful ethereal place. This surreal moment.
 Bathseda Central Park NYC. 

You never know fountains are such a beauty untill you see this one!

Thank you for this.

 Not my click. The clickmaniac in me didn't click the most perfect spot! Pfft.

P.S. : I'm filmy! 

Never a failure. Always a lesson.

 You can't share your best friend. 

Its like keeping half your heart with someone else.

At one point of time , treating two people special 

WILL create a mess.

Rationalizing feelings is futile.
Rationalizing events is necessary.

Moving away is better , wiser both for heart and head.

It becomes easier to squeeze the blame game.

Forgiving and forgetting is relative.

As long as it justifies everything.

Kaleidoscope

Do you know what a kaleidoscope is??
You know those toys that are a tube that you look into and see a beautiful design and then you turn it...and it becomes a different design just as beautiful?
Life is very much like it. Just turn it a little and another beautiful picture is there...waiting....
So when you color all your relationships or the future on past relationships especially ones that didn't work out...then you are limiting yourself
So leave that one where it is...and turn the kaleidoscope for the next beautiful picture!

Don't make the person you meet and like...fit the 'your perfect criteria'...make him be the perfect person to grow with...and fit the criteria to him.


One of those wonderful things you ever said to me.
Almost 2-3 yrs back. I remember how I took time to reply and in fact came with no answer.
Today as I'm sitting and reading over the saved conversation...I realize how right you were!!
truth is..that's exactly how it works! I never subscribed to the idea of perfect person. Never had a check list or criteria.And now I totally relate and understand every single word of the most amazing simple things that you said.
I always believed that if I like someone , I'd like them anyhow. Not for any particular set of predefined elements. And am glad that's the way how it has turned out to be.

Sometimes you say yes 

without scratching your head scouting for logic

without judging the consequences

without desperately searching for a reason.

And it gives a sense of relief to be able to do that.
Because at that moment...you know it came straight out of heart.

 I do not know what the future holds. I do not bother. I don't know why I'm doing this.I don't want to know why I'm doing this. Because right now what matters is being together.
And all that matters is to love. without conditions.
Therefore , that's exactly what I'm doing.

Unlocking Rules

Its good to spill the beans.

To have someone who grasps the meaning of your words exactly how you imply.

Who doesn't read between  lines.

Heck. Its liberating to share secrets. Even though a secret doesn't remain much of a secret once shared!

I was wrong when I thought I can deal with everything by talking myself out.There are chances you could hypnotize yourself as per your convenience. Or worse..make yourself miserable.

Its always better if someone worth knows what you're up to. They can stop you. They can back you.They don't judge you. They guide you.

I may have lost my capacity to be rational. But I know 'you' will always support me. Thanks a lot buddy!!

Leave the leftovers.

~ Never get sentimental with guys. Its just not their cup of tea!

~ You give great advice. Only problem : 'you' never stuck to it all your life :P

~ Your friends really 'understand' your way , the complications you web around when you least expect them to.However they just don't GET some simpler to understand issues you put across.

~ One must have a heart-to-heart talk once in a while. It doesn't guarantee a solution.But the entire matter suddenly seems to be washed :
shot ,
dead
&
into the grave.
So much relief!

~ Never interfere in a verbal fight. If you cannot stop the feud -- at least do not attempt to pacify. The quarrelers can deal it their way ; in whichever way & get things back to normal without your help.

~ Its OK to be a bitch sometimes. There is absolutely no need to apologize.

~ When there is no guilt . . . it doesn't necessarily mean something done/said was not wrong.
Likewise , when there is guilt . . .it doesn't mean something done/said was not right.
Right or wrong doesn't matter sometimes. Nor does guilt . If you've strongly felt for something - just do it & be content with it.

~ Procrastination is like diabetes. No cure. YET you keep hogging on the sweets.Its only after you have a mild heart attack that you realize you must really get into action.

~ Haven't read anything compelling since ages which with its words would holler "Lets get lost"

~ Chocolates are freakishly therapeutic.

Fevicol & Jinx

I had this chocolate pastry 2 days back that had to be mentioned here because it tasted like Fevicol.
I have never tasted fevicol.But sometimes you just happen to figure out from the smell of an edible item how it must taste like.I somehow am able to 'imagine' the taste of other non-edible items too.

Fevicol's one of them.
It smells strong.It just easy to consider how it would taste like.

Now accordingly , I should have known what that choc cake would taste like ( going by the smell which again must be the smell of fevicol > > since it tasted like fevicol ) But that didn't work.It smelled heaven : just what normal choc cake/pastry must smell and taste like.
So I had it all but of course it tasted fevicol :|

I think I also know what a chalk tastes like.And same goes for sand.
The smell tells you so much.
When I was young , I used to not eat veggie , curries or whatever the healthy food stuff I was supposed to eat.And if I happened to be at a relative's place , I would smell the food before eating it.I wonder if I was a cat in my previous birth but that's ironical since I'm cat-o-phobic.So whatever I was and am..I smell food before eating , unconsciously I guess.Most of the times ..its just too tempting.
The smell of the food in itself has my stomach and tongue demons rolling , dancing :P apart from the Ravenous Rats jumping ;)
I somehow , don't find it odd.And I still like myself , even If I WAS a cat.

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My friend VD used to always scold me for playing with my cell phone and she still does.
I would never let my cell phone rest in place.Flip it up and down , use it like an empty bottle and roll it round the table , drop it minimum 5 times a week somewhere or the other, etc.
I just have to do something to my cell phone.Now VD almost cursed me ..that I will break my cell into pieces if I continue making my cell dance to my tunes.
She loves her cell.I mean even I do but only to the limits of how a biscuit phone ( that's how Awin nicked my cell ) is to be loved.She keeps it like its a diamond ring.Has it laminated , always in cover and always neatly kept on the desk unlike me.
NOW..the jinx seems to have done its job , totally reverse.

Her cell was pieces :D I couldn't stop laughing when I first heard that.I actually wondered if laughing was the right thing since we were supposed to mourn for the death of her cell :P
But she couldn't hide her laughter either. In fact she was embarrassed while breaking the news to me.
So well the lesson is : Don't be super possessive about your cell phone.Let it breath , man! Give it space and mostly Make it DANCE! like I do :D

Since she always had the cell in the cover , the other day she didn't realize which side was sealed and bang on : the cell slipped off the open side , lol + it had to fell and crash with the edge of the glass table ..ultimately breaking the screen.Poor lamination charges :P
Her cell might get repaired.I hope it does.

Lesson 2 : Never curse or even imagine of something bad happening to somebody else.You never know , you see :P