Friday, October 31, 2008

Mixed emotions

1 Cuppa coffeee [comments ]
My cell phone is dead ! Broke into 2 pieces , although it was already pretty much broken.It didn't quite have any goddamn features anyway.Living without a cellphone doesn't take much.I just cannot reach my friends too easily.They aren't a click away anymore.

My i-pod is paralyzed.Its back- light is dead.So it gets a little pesky to turn it on & much more confusing to select songs.But I had separate folders for the kind of songs I like to listen depending on my mood.So its not getting all that tough to operate my i pod but still its so weird !
Too much for my gadgets this Diwali :|

Mum was mad , as always like always at me ( for again those typical things ) .She decided not to serve dad dinner .So I was like huh , ok why is she doing that when she is mad at ME ?? ...I got my answer pretty soon.
She orders in an annoying tone , " You make the chappatis & serve dad"
No way ?!
What kind of madness is this ??

Ok I can make chappatis pretty well but hello !?!
She was gone. Its just Dad , me & kitchen for now.
The dough was already prepared , thank god ! It took me about half an hour to make 7 chappatis out of which I almost burnt the first 2 , lol. Oh yeah , its been a long time I'm doing that so little errors are fine!!!
Dad , " I had the best dinner in years." A big smile on my face.I know those chappatis weren't all that but my daddy is the best !! :D
"After all you cooked it!" A much more bigger smile. I'm loving it...go on please?
He needn't say anymore.That meant everything to me , already :)
I love you dad !!

I did lots of shopping.Casuals- none.Just bought glad rags which I wonder when I'd be wearing.I think I won't be even wearing one or two things out of them.And yet I bought it just because I loved it so much, lol ;) But I seriously think I got a little too much stuff.I needed more of casual & formal which I didn't buy because I couldn't find any :| ..yeah the jinx yet again! But since I could find other good clothes , would wanna thank mum , my lucky mascot for shopping :)

Walking down the street at bout 9 , I had the most amazing feeling.Felt liberated.Felt happy.Felt energetic.Felt like I was flying.I
Festivity has its own charm.And what more could it be with a cold wind blowing overhead ;)
I love this street at night , specially during this time of the year.Every house is lighted with those little lightings , Coconut trees by its side , The wind - breezy & brisk , Faint noise of the crackers.And me , walking down alone watching & feeling all of these.
In other words - an indescribable enigmatic mojo , all around . I'm loving it !!

3 of my cousins got engaged => 3 weddings => Lots of shopping => Lots of fun => Lots of good food :D => And lots of fun again ! :)
I just hope no exam clashes during any of these weddings.I don't wanna miss even a single moment out of those glittery events.

And those dark hour moments lasted for 3-4 days.I already see dawn with speckles of orange in the clouds.Waiting for broad daylight in life!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Dark hour...when's dawn ??

2 Cuppa coffeee [comments ]
I'm back to my mode of > my-world-is-shattering , of getting frustrated , of crying for NOTHING , of feeling helpless , of wanting to turn into a robot & behave like one - following instructions - having no mind of mine at all , of being upset , of not wanting to be happy no matter what , being disappointed , of disappointing , of cribbing silently , of nagging , of volcanic temper just waiting to explode in fact not waiting at all ..who said I'm that patient ??

Things are not so great.So I'm nagging a lot.I don't know why I break down for little things like I freaking couldn't watch a movie with friends.I've been crying over little things that shouldn't bother me a lot.And yet , I cannot help it !
What do they say ...The darkest hour is just before dawn. Is that true with me ? Though I don't see what is dark about my life.There are just several things I'm not OK with.Worst , I cannot change them ! So I do only one thing that am really good at - do nothing ( & at least blog bout it )

On top of this , I have an urge to give up the course I'm studying as I'm not getting to do things my way. But its a dead desire. Somewhere its a prestige issue as well. So I have to carry on with it anyway. But I'm not being sincere enough , nor am I honest to I know I have to end it.

I feel like running away somewhere , fleeing in other words.
Its hard to accept but yes I'm not quite liking the way I'm living or made to live.What I think is that when I have all the facilities available to me , I'm not enjoying as much as my friends are!!
Dad is being more strict than he ever was :-|
Spats with mom are a routine now.
Not many hang-outs with friends.
Very very clumsy living .
Music is on standstill.My sir is probably quite mad with me.Or disappointed ?? I'm suddenly charged up & religious towards learning music only when I get to know from him that his other students are doing pretty well. That arouses my feelings , but only to last for 2 days. I'm definitely not proud of this attitude of mine. Freaks me out !!
And to make it real bad ..I didn't score as much as I expected in the music exam :(
Both , my sir & I thought that I did pretty well with practicals & both of us were pretty shocked with the result.

AND...apart from everything else , talk of material things - I lost my fav watch :(
Have no idea how , when , where...but it wasn't on my wrist before the lecture started.And I'm kinda habitual of looking at my watch again & again , so if I would trail back to the events of that day , I think it just fell over while crossing the road ? Or fell over while I was on my bike.
Now , that shows how absent-minded & careless I could be. Another side of my attitude thats freaking me out.
I want that watch back... or somebody fix my Rado watch !!