Friday, October 10, 2008

Dark hour...when's dawn ??

I'm back to my mode of > my-world-is-shattering , of getting frustrated , of crying for NOTHING , of feeling helpless , of wanting to turn into a robot & behave like one - following instructions - having no mind of mine at all , of being upset , of not wanting to be happy no matter what , being disappointed , of disappointing , of cribbing silently , of nagging , of volcanic temper just waiting to explode in fact not waiting at all ..who said I'm that patient ??

Things are not so great.So I'm nagging a lot.I don't know why I break down for little things like I freaking couldn't watch a movie with friends.I've been crying over little things that shouldn't bother me a lot.And yet , I cannot help it !
What do they say ...The darkest hour is just before dawn. Is that true with me ? Though I don't see what is dark about my life.There are just several things I'm not OK with.Worst , I cannot change them ! So I do only one thing that am really good at - do nothing ( & at least blog bout it )

On top of this , I have an urge to give up the course I'm studying as I'm not getting to do things my way. But its a dead desire. Somewhere its a prestige issue as well. So I have to carry on with it anyway. But I'm not being sincere enough , nor am I honest to I know I have to end it.

I feel like running away somewhere , fleeing in other words.
Its hard to accept but yes I'm not quite liking the way I'm living or made to live.What I think is that when I have all the facilities available to me , I'm not enjoying as much as my friends are!!
Dad is being more strict than he ever was :-|
Spats with mom are a routine now.
Not many hang-outs with friends.
Very very clumsy living .
Music is on standstill.My sir is probably quite mad with me.Or disappointed ?? I'm suddenly charged up & religious towards learning music only when I get to know from him that his other students are doing pretty well. That arouses my feelings , but only to last for 2 days. I'm definitely not proud of this attitude of mine. Freaks me out !!
And to make it real bad ..I didn't score as much as I expected in the music exam :(
Both , my sir & I thought that I did pretty well with practicals & both of us were pretty shocked with the result.

AND...apart from everything else , talk of material things - I lost my fav watch :(
Have no idea how , when , where...but it wasn't on my wrist before the lecture started.And I'm kinda habitual of looking at my watch again & again , so if I would trail back to the events of that day , I think it just fell over while crossing the road ? Or fell over while I was on my bike.
Now , that shows how absent-minded & careless I could be. Another side of my attitude thats freaking me out.
I want that watch back... or somebody fix my Rado watch !!


  1. Hey, all this sounds pretty sad...
    And I'm fed up of listenin to "Its just a phase, it will pass by very soon" won't be telling you all that here !!
    Hmm, just enjoy whatever happens! And dont give a friggin shit to anyone's advice! Have fun !

  2. lol..Disaster queen :D..u know wot, life is not dat complicated..we make it complicated..its simple..just eatin n spendin tym but v add on more stuff to it like wearin stylish watches (which if get lost makes us feel life's all bullshit..:P) and hangin out wid frnds (which is not dat imp if v kinda busy)..but well, i think more complex yr life gets, the more sapience it gives n more u enjoy the good dere would b no sadness den v cudn't differentiate happy times, ryt?..You rock girl..juzz chill n stop takin lil thingz all will get sorted out on its own..n bdw, AWESOME TITLE ! :-)


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