Monday, November 24, 2008

Sizzling & sliced

4 Cuppa coffeee [comments ]
Sizzling - I had a great time!
Sliced - Few dark feelings ..terrible I must say

Went to a cousin's wedding which was at Lonawala.
For starters , half the people couldn't recognize me.I met most of them after a span of almost 2 years.They were like "Ohh you are.....". At first I thought maybe I'm looking better than ever before.Few hours later I realized I'm looking awful than any any anytime before!! >> My granddad couldn't recognize me! And yes , got some mixed responses regarding my weight.
Anki - " You are looking thinner" ( Whom I'd met just few months back )
Bubble - "Omg!!! Your cheeks !!" I know I know I know..my chubby cheeks !
Xyz relative -" I was wondering who you are...whats the secret behind putting on ?" SECRET? Did you just say secret ?!!?
Anki's bro - " Haven't you put on a little?" Everyone started laughing coz by now almost everyone had commented. So he said ," Oh right , maybe I shouldn't have said 'little'." Everyone laughed again.
Grrrrrr. I wanted to go somewhere.No! I wanted to just go running over the treadmill! Or in an easy way , to be just able to pluck the plump out of my face!

Ok now what's with everyone ??! I'm not fat! My cheeks are not just chubby , they often swell which is I suppose a problem related with blood circulation etc etc..& grrrrrrr I was so mad with myself.*
THEN as if this wasn't enough , for spoilers I just realized I'm nowhere close to good at dancing.Or if not that , at least nowhere close to my counterparts*.I mean my cousins are amazing dancers !!
And they all were looking great as well! I was awestruck with the kind of dresses each one of them had donned.Not that I was feeling ill about it , but just just ..just..a little jealous* ..yeah ..Nooo..it was something like ..someone's beating you blue & yet you cannot scream.You cannot hide.You cannot run.The most eligible antidote for it is shopping - super shopping - which at the moment
You
CANNOT
do!
To be a lemon among strawberries is some goddamn task , trust me.
*Three nails by now in the coffin of my passionate-feelings.
[ Looks & body , dance , clothes! ]

Moving over to the sizzling part , the wedding was simple superb! My cousins said they weren't enjoying as much as they did in the 2 weddings prior to this one , which I had missed , but for me this was fun.Probably because I met everyone after a long time & also because it had been years I attended a full blown marwari wedding.And I knew what I fool I was to skip the other 2 weddings.

For the dance , they all kept forcing me to perform , encouraging me & praising me while practicing , but in the end I didn't turn up.I wasn't feeling like dancing solo because my dance wasn't choreographed well.And yes , I'm a sucker for praises & compliments in things I enjoy the most.Not that it matters a lot, but it just matters to me when I'm among my peers.Dancing has always been one of my passions and there was no way I was settling for just a cold smile & few well-arranged-cheers.So I skipped it. Didn't regret at all.
And had a burning desire to reinvent the passion in me.Next time , I told myself.

The food was too good.Specially the lunch on second day which was from the bride's side.There were so many dishes & I thought even if I tasted every single thing , it'll be equivalent to eating the meal. I did not even think twice while taking over the sweet the second time just because it was so mouth-watering.I mean I forgot all the comments about my weight.Cannot compromise on good food ..NEVER.

The first night I was present with them , we took off from the resort at midnight to have hookah :P I know its crazy , but I was wanting to smoke like all my male cousins.But the place was closed down.So we returned & stayed awake till about 4 in morning - chatting , laughing , having fun.
The next day we headed for hookah again during afternoon.I just had 3 or 4 rounds of it.Since we had some time left , we went over for a drive ahead & stationed at a point.Beautiful scenery.
I'm not a good photographer , so no pics this time.

And then on the second & last night we all were together , Rach & I decided that we gonna make everyone stay awake till wee hours in morning & of course to have loads of fun.It was almost 1.30 am by the time all the ceremonies ended.And before we could catch the guys,they had gone to bed.But Rach & I knew how to force people to stay awake :P & so we did! Played cards , joked around , laughed , discussed love-marriages vs. arranged-marriages , careers etc etc.
Finally when there was nothing to talk about - I still wonder how could that be - everyone went to sleep.It was about 5.30 am.And I know how badly I wanted that time never to end.I woke up at 8 since I had to leave early.Again, my heart was pacing with the feeling of going away from everyone after having a wonderful time.
But then , all good things come to an end. Why do they have to anyway ?

What remains are the memories.I'm just too sentimental about these things.I shouldn't be because it hurts when I remember those moments.I did not realize how much am gonna miss them all but once I left them & was alone at home , I couldn't stop myself from crying.That doesn't happen with all of them.Its not a good thing to attach your heart to too many people.And of course , not to the one you are having little feelings for.......

In these two days , I liked someone.Not a crush or falling-in-love but just liked him.And the dark feelings kept crawling nearer to me because I knew I'm not going to get to meet him & to know him more.I had butterflies in my stomach & I hated myself for even imagining of asking him out..lol.How crazy could I be at times ? I told Anki about it.And she was like ' Oh good , nice guy ..should we initiate the talks?' lol ..I said no.I knew she was just kidding but I also knew she wouldn't ever understand what that feeling was & what it meant to me.

The time flew like crazy.I'm back & writing about it now ..checking out the pics twice a day.Feeling very lonely.
Can't wait to be with all of 'em again for the next wedding in April.And boy , how I wish he too comes there :P

Friday, November 14, 2008

Factor : Greed to Read

0 Cuppa coffeee [comments ]
# The Kite Runner
Writing style : Excellent
Theme : Redemption, kids , Afghanistan, Kites
Plot : Interesting.
Sub plots : Quite thrilling , predictable at times too.
I could tell Hassan is Amir's step bro.
I could tell Rahim Khan sends Amir Afghanistan not just to bring Sohrabh back to Pak but to take him to America.
I could also somehow tell the man keeping Sohrabh is Asef, the villain.
So with those expectations in mind , I wasn't on tenterhooks & so didn't find the novel too thrilling.But I loved it for its theme , redemption most of all.It felt more like reading a classic than novel.The author is immensely expressive.

The movie based on the same novel is a huge disappointment.Firstly , they shelved most of the story.And thats fair enough because you cannot put everything into a 2 hour movie.The biggest loophole was the fact that the most dramatic & momentous moments weren't shot that well.Like the love-at-first-sight scene , the protagonist's encounter with the villain . At least that could have been much better !The kite flying scenes were good taking you up in the air along with kites & giving a bird eye view of Afghanistan's crazy kite fancy.The star cast was ditto of what I imagined while reading the novel , not fully but for the major characters except for the villain.He didn't look dangerous , there were no green eyes , no kind of grin on his face ..& yes the beard looked too fake ...wonder why he was chosen for that role anyway ?? I always vouch for villains , they are supposed to be larger-than-life figures doing their part better than the protagonist/hero.But this movie did not have that element tch tch !

# Windmills of the Gods
Sidney Sheldon
Writing Style : Its Sidney Sheldon , sir !
Theme : Suspense , Political
Plot : !?!!?! ....Let that be suspense !!
Sub plots : I could figure out one or two things much before the climax , rest is suspense baby !

I don't know if I liked it or not.Maybe I did.Not very much. But a little ? Yeah I did like it!
Probably only for Mike Slade.I like mysterious characters. :P

# Lee Iaccoca's Autobiography
Breath-taking! Wonder how he survived through all those times! I didn't quite understand every technical part , but for the most of it - it was amazing!
A must... for car lovers ,
to-be-businessmen /women
Mechanical engineers or any engineer for that matter,
& a definite must for everyone who talks of struggle & pressure with work. Some lesson to learn.

---
Its time to move onto reading other books .I had put brakes on reading novels because someone made me realize that its a waste of time , it however was too hard to digest & so I resumed reading 'em.
But I better continue reading books that really matter.
Got to finish off Awaken the Giant Within & The Secret. Am half way through both of them.
Tony Buzan's Mind Map book , Use your Memory.
Six Thinking Hats by Edward De Bono.

If tomorrow comes [ Sidney Sheldon ] is lying on my desk too.What do I do ? lol

Currently Reading : Tuesdays with Morrie

Monday, November 3, 2008

Mystically mystified : 2

3 Cuppa coffeee [comments ]
So tell me , if I achieve something in life ..who should get the credits for it ? Just my 'good luck' or my 'hard work'?
What will you do if you get to know the answer ?
Oh please ?!
No seriously ? Look if I say its your Hard work that has been the ONLY reason for your success , it'll inflate your ego.
If I say its your good luck , you'll feel lucky.So..

Thats not an answer.
What are you going to achieve by knowing it ?
Thats not even the point.I want to know!!! Just like you say our lives have been already written.So suppose if I attain something by working my breadth out , am I not worthy of the credits ? Is it just luck we all have to push it upon ?
So you want to have all the things in life without working hard ?
No..but ..oh yeah , could I be that lucky ? :P
Luck plays an important part.It sets the foundation for your goals.It opens the doors for a lot of opportunities.BUT , if you do not wish to work hard ,you are not going to get anything in life.
But if its written...that I'm going to..then who could stop it anyway ?
Like I said..you want everything in life without working hard.But you must know , that is against the law of nature.
And what if even after working hard , I don't get what I want ?
Bad luck as some may call it...practically , I'd suggest just one thing - be prepared for the worst.No matter how confident you are.
And listen , everything happens for the good.Never complain.NEVER!

Practically,all right..only so that I do not break down.But just generally..what if l don't ?
See..like if I do achieve a lot , people are going to term it 'good luck'.Won't it feel miserable ?? that... after long hours of slogging , my hard work is just good luck ? And when I fail..mostly I'll be termed as being lazy , selfish etc etc.So if my failure is given technical terms , why not my success ??
You do not need any kind of certificates from anyone.Be self-certified! Thats the biggest achievement in life.
And btw , who's really talking of hard work ? Are you ?
- embarrassing yet I'm chuckling-
I am ..I am! Ok lets forget people.
Now just tell me universally , practically non-practically , just anyhow , in any damn case... WHAT is it ?
If you throw a stone in air...it flies till some distance & then drops.While it travels through the wind with a good speed , the stone believes it is superior & strong & therefore is proud & egoistic.Stone thinks it the is one & only one who through its own capability is able to fly through.The stone takes the credit.
The wind on the other hand claims it is the one who is strong & powerful & the one which is carrying the stone.The wind takes the credit.
Good luck & hard work is similar to it.You shouldn't be bothered about the credits.It doesn't matter at all because even if you ever get to know the answer , you won't be able to change anything about it.
Make yourself strong enough & rise like a phoenix.Nothing in world can beat self esteem.Elevate yourself.

*
This is just a snippet of the conversation.I summarized it at few points.By the end of it , it got too heavy on me.I don't need more hints.I'm being asked to work hard.How really tough that gets , doesn't it ?
But I wasn't convinced with the answer.Its killing me again just like it did anytime before.

All confused ..am gone !!