Friday, December 11, 2009

Can you define ?

 And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

These are the lyrics of a song.And I can so fit them @ how I feel right now.
I'd been to my college few days back with some of my 11th 12th grade friends ( who were with me in the same coll back then ) And it felt weird - Not nostalgic or that sense of deja vu..since I rarely ever missed my coll -  but something strange.

Being together at a place with the same people I'd once been with - felt odd.
Like I said..I never missed my coll but these strange feelings were making me sappy and yet I did not cry.Not even after coming back home. 
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming.

And although so far I've never really said that I 'enjoyed' my to-be-called-high-school-days , I cannot deny I had an amazing time.Only that I never wanted to agree that my coll & coll friends weren't that bad.. 
Or ( Can't fight ) the moment of truth in your lies

So many 'events' flashed by my eyes as I strolled in the corridor.Plus when my friend added..."Ah this our coll ?" I could actually feel myself virtually fainting.Yes this is dramatic.But you know how it they shoot in movies ? The scene where the camera angle rolls round or goes slow into a direction..showing shades of sepia or black and white and the sound of the voices are suppressed and echoed - the kind which you hear when your ears are blocked.I was experiencing almost the same.
 When everything seems like the movies

I remembered everything.
French class.Exams.Gossips.Scandals.Friends.Canteen! My debacles at chem lab.
Bunking practical for auditioning at Radio Mirchi where of course I never got selected. 
Tutions.And tution mates.Rain! Accident.
Oh so many things! Important or not.Just so many goddamn things!

Its amazing how brain works sometimes.It never lets you forget things that are going to bitterly twist the insides of your stomach and heart only to emotionally paralyze you for few hours.
It hurt me.All these things..
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

Heck.I cldn't belive I never looked back and thought about these things.It was as if I let it all go after waking up from a long dream.Not done!
Maybe now I understand why I feel odd every time  -
I see an empty campus ( meomory associated with my exam centre )
Or when I hear some particular song .( Memory associated with the times when I used to hear those songs)

Weird weird weird!
Can someone define something which is not nostalgia OR Deja Vu..but is very much inclusive of re-visiting old memories and at the same time not badly-missing-those-days / moments ..but still being hurt just by remembering them ?!


  1. :)

    Its a funny feeling when you do not miss a place but feel happy to be there and at the same time feel sad because you did not like that place much either..

    It's called Raaz.. pichhle janam ka! :P

  2. - Abhinav


    Maine woh point toh miss hee kar diya..funny toh hai!
    Kuch zyda hee senti ho gayi !

    But can't stop laughing.
    Pichle janam ka raaz! rofl! :D

  3. You mean whats the one word for "
    And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
    Or the moment of truth in your lies
    When everything seems like the movies
    Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive"
    mushkil hain bahut :)

  4. "Only that I never wanted to agree that my coll & coll friends weren't that bad.. "

    and still u say that u dont miss the college or u r nt getting nostalgic ..but the fact is that deep down u do miss it and u are a lil nostalgic ...and that's it !

  5. Happened with me too.I don't miss colg at all.I didn't like it either when I was there 'studying'(optional word :P) .. but when I went there some weeks back to collect my DMC or when I talk with some frnds about 'their golden days in colg' and my 'colg days' , I felt happy recollecting all those memories :)

    As Abhinav said .. its all "raaz pichle janam ka " :D

  6. yes this is the time for a second we are in past and then present vice versa giving us all the feelings .

  7. hmm thats a strange feeling indeed! hav felt this too many times...i m very senti u know. :P

  8. - Karan
    =) Han mushkil toh hai!

    - <Peter
    Hmm maybe I miss it and maybe am lil nostalgic..but still the feeling is weird and a bit different.

    - Ekam
    lol @ optional word
    Hah..yeah yeah raaz pichle janam ka! :D

    - SM

    - Ria
    Oh you as well! But I guess even you don't know how to define that feeling.

  9. wellll....firstly I luvvv d song..!!one of ma top favourites..
    n about d school..well I loved it really..want d days to cm back..

    N this post made me nostalgic...ahhh!!

  10. ****.... dis 1 really made me even go dow da memory lane 2 ma beautiful skool days(very true)...luk datz a big compliment 4m me n everyone....makin anybody feel like dat juz by pennin dow a few lines is nt easy.....

    datz wat it is .....,u juz cant define dat...coz datz a feelin...Ur dis post is kinda
    " TRIBUTE to our unforgettable SKOOL Days"

  11. thats strange..
    post is very...touching and nostalgic


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