Off color. Balloon vigour.

Holi = Water Balloon fight!
A ritual started last year which I believe was fun - the kind of fun you have to pay for in the form of pain.

The balloon shots hit hard.I couldn't lift my hands yesterday. My arms were paining so much. :O
And I don't know why I was targeted so much by our very well accomplished balloon hitter.

I think last year's balloon fight was more fun. I really wanted to play more with colors this time. But somehow that didn't materialize.

This year's Holi was unique though. Because we not just played water holi but also flower holi! :D

-- I've lost my appetite for blogging. Felt mandatory to make a 'festival entry' since I almost always do that.
And that's that. Nothing more to say write.

The moment of momentum

Its as if I've got a personal  undisclosed disguised messenger who has finally done its job...with no instructions from me but a secret wish that it took over & delivered.

I feel so relieved today. Its that sense of freedom. Like someone snatched all my fights in one single stroke. Or maybe just put a timely end to them.Either ways..my wait has paid off.  The trash is scrapped. All the basic stains are removed. There's a clean canvas to paint on. And there's a bright picture in my head :)

A good beginning ...or in fact only a beginning in itself is a kick-start & a promise to a journey.
I would hault but am sure I'm not going to stop now.
 I was worried if there would be a beginning at all since my basic obstacles were difficult than all the other problems I expected to sprout.
Now there's  the route , means & destination that needs to be zeroed in , for which I've gained much more momentum than I ever thought I would!

I'm excited. And whatever in hell makes all my excited plans go kaput be bloody damned ! Because I'm bloody going to make things work.This very time.

There's something called hopes & wishes after all.That very  thing that I've been breathing on.
Its time to LIVE.

Point of view ON Point of view.

One thing I absolutely HATE about discussions/arguments/debates is when the opposing party isn't even willing to CONSIDER your point of view. I mean..fine..you might be right.You might be absolutely right but that doesn't make the other person absolutely wrong. Trying to prove them wrong  NO MATTER WHAT - is annoying and foolish. Countering points is one thing..but not wanting to even see things from a different angle only shows how narrow your perspective is.

Although in a debate , one never really wants to consider the opponent's view. All they care for is to prove their side correct which is bearable.You could go to any lengths to prove something even when you don't believe in what you're saying.

But in healthy discussions and arguments...you must utmost consider the other person's VIEW exactly the way it is  put up.No interpretation.No reading between the lines.Just the way it is.
However ,  more often than not..I find people losing that central theme.
Discussions are meant to broaden your perspective.Its kind of a way to check through all the pros & cons in case you're wanting to make a decision. Or in other cases..it only amounts to a spectrum of thoughts you might hear for the first time.But then...the ego factors comes in. One would never take back his own words of wisdom :P

Most of the times..when we have discussions about common or general topics..I do maintain a take on it.And I may also agree to several points the other party has put forth. In the end..it makes my judgment/ views neutral and lying towards the core issue.I've never been on far ends of anything. I don't like to have extremely strong and rigid opinions. You've gotta be flexible ;)

--- On that note I'd put down my views on Firangi Music which I've been wanting to for quite some time ;-)
There are people who listen to English songs because it makes them cool.
Or because that's what most of the other people in their life do. Or atleast that's what you can sense from their behavior :P

What I believe is that -
Listening to English songs or watching English shows/movies won't make you great ...but IF you're not ..then you're missing out on something great :D
That's what I've realized since the time I've been listening to videshi songs :P
Secondly...When you say you love music..or any other form of art..you must explore it as much as you can.At least within the languages ( in case of music) that you understand. 
As simple as that. What do you think ?

Just listen to me

No dad. I don't feel special. The only thought that I have in mind is that I SHOULD be special.
Its running in the family blood , isn't it ? The brilliance...the intellect...

You don't compel me to take up something because you don't want me to be in the rat race and yet you don't help me decide my own race.
Its only unfair..to be your daughther and to not be doing something special.
Its only unfair to not have the ability to tap over my own talent , if at all there's one.

But you say..everybody's got talent.If not , its in nature's law to provide you with one.And that I must , at once , stop blaming the background & environment from stopping me. But isn't that the whole point ? Having no goal being the biggest obstruction in leading towards the goal ?
What train do I catch , when I do not know my destination ?

You also say that I still don't have to do get into something just for the heck of it. That I must do something I strongly believe in. Let the talent grow in me. I cannot counter that because that's exactly what I want. To know what I'm not just good but great at...and then take the leap.

The wait is testful. You ask me what's going on in my mind ? What's preoccupying my thoughts? Why do I look so stressed ??
 The answer is simple : I'm not happy.
I'm not happy..not because something's wrong but because the one thing that should be right isn't there in the first place - Passion with talent.

You say I have so many resources..everything is so easily available..money isn't the issue either...and  I do know how to use all of these catalysts. What I don't know is what I'm to use them upon!

I'm willing to take chance on something I still don't heavily believe in ! And I'm praying for that belief ,  intent & instinct to flood in my veins - so that the little doubt that's left would also vanish.
I;m willing.
But  are you ? Would you let me ?

I can't see myself this way. I'm not talking success either. Not about money..not about identity.
But everything about living and living only to do I shall love.
To be able to look into the mirror and say - yes I deserve life.

How do I explain you ? How do I ever explain anyone ? 

7 Khoon Maaf

Two Words : SAVE YOURSELF!

Its difficult to imagine why anyone would want to make a movie on such a story. And even if he does..why did he not  think of twitsting it a little so that it makes sense ?!

Its very dark.Very gross. And pathetically predictable.

Also the fact that the murderer isn't a psychopath or lunatic .. makes things all the more difficult to understand. Why not get a divorce , simply ?  :-|


Priyanka Chopra has acted very well.
The song 'Bekaaran' sung by Vishal Bhardwaj is awesome !

And that's that..otherwise its an awfully disturbed movie.

Oh btw..I couldn't figure out who the 7th husband in the movie is :-|

The one who left.

I thought she already left. I had just woken up from a lazy afternoon  nap. It was almost 4 pm. She must have left an hour ago ..I thought.
And I couldn't even say goodbye ?? 
I was trying to comfort myself with the fact that I had to say no goodbye and that it saved me all the emotional hurt. But then...it felt incomplete. And somehow I wished I had never dozed off.

Just then , I heard her voice. I rushed downstairs to catch up with her.

She hugged mom & mom hugged her back. I don't remember if mom's ever hugged me like that in so many years. I wasn't feeling jealous of that. I just couldn't take it.
That she had meant so much and that she was now leaving.

She sobbed and kept on expressing her gratitude , mentioning how mom had been a mother to her all these 5 years. And that was it. I started crying too. I know goodbyes are always difficult...but I didn't know I would cry for her. She wasn't  my friend. I guess she was a lot more than that. I cared for her in my own strange way.

She didn't come to me to hug. I wanted her to. I didn't go towards her either. I was waiting for her to say that she would miss me too. I don't know what it was. But I felt obligated to let her know that I would miss her.

Mom gifted her a pair of gold earings. She is getting married in two months. She was leaving for her hometown and she wouldn't come back again. I cried more. My little bother promised to write her letter and requested her to reply. She smiled her smiled.

At the door , I hugged her and asked her to take care. She cried again. Then dragged herself out without saying a word more and went away.

Back in the afternoon I was wondering not saying goodbyes was better. It hurt after-all.And it felt void. I wondered if it would have been nice to not be there. But the void was filling. You have to put the curtains down after every show. And this part would have been left incomplete if I would have skipped it. I was going to cry anyway. So why not with goodbyes?

Some people become such an integral part of your lives even when you would never expect them to. Our maid is an year younger to me. She has been very faithful , loyal and easy going.No complaints ever!
At any point of time , she had better idea about the things in my house than I myself did! She was a great helping hand to mom and has been an important person even for my kid brother. She has raised him too , in a way.

I wish her good luck. I pray she remains happily married.

Thanks for everything. You'll be missed.

Coke Studio & Strings

I've always had a thing for Sufi music. There's something so powerful & magical about the flow of this great genre that it touches not just your heart  , but also your soul. If there;s anything at all EVERYBODY on earth relates with , loves no matter where it comes from - it is music!
And Sufi , folk & classical music ; for me  just takes the cake!

I'm glad I was introduced to Coke studio + Strings! They've delivered some of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard and always have been craving to hear. How on earth did I not know about these all this time ?? :O

 Current Addiction :

1] Nahi Ray Nahi

2]  Titliyaan

3] Aankhon K sagar

4] Jal Pari

5] Khamaaj

Awesome , aren't they ??

I'm on my exploring spree now.