No dad. I don't feel special. The only thought that I have in mind is that I SHOULD be special.
Its running in the family blood , isn't it ? The brilliance...the intellect...
You don't compel me to take up something because you don't want me to be in the rat race and yet you don't help me decide my own race.
Its only unfair..to be your daughther and to not be doing something special.
Its only unfair to not have the ability to tap over my own talent , if at all there's one.
But you say..everybody's got talent.If not , its in nature's law to provide you with one.And that I must , at once , stop blaming the background & environment from stopping me. But isn't that the whole point ? Having no goal being the biggest obstruction in leading towards the goal ?
What train do I catch , when I do not know my destination ?
You also say that I still don't have to do get into something just for the heck of it. That I must do something I strongly believe in. Let the talent grow in me. I cannot counter that because that's exactly what I want. To know what I'm not just good but great at...and then take the leap.
The wait is testful. You ask me what's going on in my mind ? What's preoccupying my thoughts? Why do I look so stressed ??
The answer is simple : I'm not happy.
I'm not happy..not because something's wrong but because the one thing that should be right isn't there in the first place - Passion with talent.
You say I have so many resources..everything is so easily available..money isn't the issue either...and I do know how to use all of these catalysts. What I don't know is what I'm to use them upon!
I'm willing to take chance on something I still don't heavily believe in ! And I'm praying for that belief , intent & instinct to flood in my veins - so that the little doubt that's left would also vanish.
I;m willing.
But are you ? Would you let me ?
I can't see myself this way. I'm not talking success either. Not about money..not about identity.
But everything about living and living only to do I shall love.
To be able to look into the mirror and say - yes I deserve life.
How do I explain you ? How do I ever explain anyone ?
Its running in the family blood , isn't it ? The brilliance...the intellect...
You don't compel me to take up something because you don't want me to be in the rat race and yet you don't help me decide my own race.
Its only unfair..to be your daughther and to not be doing something special.
Its only unfair to not have the ability to tap over my own talent , if at all there's one.
But you say..everybody's got talent.If not , its in nature's law to provide you with one.And that I must , at once , stop blaming the background & environment from stopping me. But isn't that the whole point ? Having no goal being the biggest obstruction in leading towards the goal ?
What train do I catch , when I do not know my destination ?
You also say that I still don't have to do get into something just for the heck of it. That I must do something I strongly believe in. Let the talent grow in me. I cannot counter that because that's exactly what I want. To know what I'm not just good but great at...and then take the leap.
The wait is testful. You ask me what's going on in my mind ? What's preoccupying my thoughts? Why do I look so stressed ??
The answer is simple : I'm not happy.
I'm not happy..not because something's wrong but because the one thing that should be right isn't there in the first place - Passion with talent.
You say I have so many resources..everything is so easily available..money isn't the issue either...and I do know how to use all of these catalysts. What I don't know is what I'm to use them upon!
I'm willing to take chance on something I still don't heavily believe in ! And I'm praying for that belief , intent & instinct to flood in my veins - so that the little doubt that's left would also vanish.
I;m willing.
But are you ? Would you let me ?
I can't see myself this way. I'm not talking success either. Not about money..not about identity.
But everything about living and living only to do I shall love.
To be able to look into the mirror and say - yes I deserve life.
How do I explain you ? How do I ever explain anyone ?
Gosh man...I just stumbled upon your blog today and wow what I read is something that's goin on in my mind since long...I've been so troubled off lately.
ReplyDeleteAnd reading your post makes me feel like I'm reading my own diary entry...
At least someone understands you; your dad...mine is
Anyways nice post!!
Do visit my blog too if you wish like.
Take Care,
Fatima
http://duskndawn-fatima.blogspot.com/
Breathe!
ReplyDeleteIt will take sometime but it will all become clearer with time...
You just need to follow your heart. Don't rush, Don't panic. we all have been there once.
All the best. Hugs
I totally agree with Harshi above, give urself some time. Follow where yr heart leads u.
ReplyDeleteJust make sure that whenever you look in the hindsight you do not say that I wish I could have done this or that or this way or that way....
ReplyDeleteNo one can guide you in this quest, its your and only your fight.... All the best
This sounds like how I was about two decades ago. I'd say this - follow your dreams, use your passion to achieve them and always believe in yourself before you take the leap. That is really important for your journey in life.
ReplyDeleteHey, dont b so low...never seen u lyk dis n will never lyk to...u hv 2 b wat u r..nt taken away by d crowd...u wll get ur chance,opportunity...juz wait...i m sure u wll grab it..but sumtimes ull hv create them 4 urself...try to make d best of it
ReplyDeletenways see nobody is perfect,,,n better not b..nobody can play ur role better den u...so believe in urself n god....m sure der's sumthin surprising in store 4 u...
You obviously belong to an affluent upper middle class business family if you're torn between a BB and some other phone that your rich daddy will buy you at the age of twenty one. While that might be the case, you don't need to stop using conjunctions.
ReplyDeleteexplain TO you
preach TO you
searching FOR it
You seem to be someone who is committed to writing. You could consider that as an option for the future, but do try to write correctly first.