Since YOU are great

How could YOU be so narrow minded ?
How can YOU say those things ?
How can a GREAT person like you keep aside all your greatness & look down upon it as if it was never yours ?

I admired you the most.I still do! But there's a little string pulling me back & that is of the respect that am losing for you.
But I know I would still admire you.Because I learn from you.And I would always respect you.For petty irrational unthought fierceful words ought to be neglected.

Why is it happening to you ? Why to us ? Weren't we suppose to celebrate life EVERYDAY ?
You said that just last night , didn't you ??
Why is our world shrinking ?
We don't deserve to spend another painful moment.Then why don't you lighten up the mood because its only you who brings the CHANGE - good or bad worst.

The day it was my mistake , I deserved your wrath.I accepted it naturally.I did not shake.I did not grumble.
The night you left me feel like a worm in your life for a reason that seems pretty obvious that I'm not what you wanted me to be...still leaves me shaken.I was so shattered.

Now , I've become numb.I'm sure this is just one of those phase which we are jinxed with.I know we'll move on.I know we'll not talk of this again.
I'm not upset.But until we reach back to NORMAL , its going to be a painful process.

My hopes never die because I don't keep hopes with these things.
I'm just SO DAMNED SURE , it will have an END.
THE END

FOREVER.

Because YOU are a GREAT person & YOU won't 'carry forward the past'.
That still rings in my ears.
Why just say it , why not follow ?

Let's CHEER up & not TEAR our lives apart.

Deja vu

All of a sudden I'm enjoying getting back to old days even though exams are in pipeline.
Old clothes
Old pics
Old diary
Its barely nostalgic..I mean I don't feel dark when I see/read those things , but it does lighten up my face with a dazzling smileeach & every time.My expressions change from a smug to horribly embarrassed to a hearty self laugh ( unseen..only in mind :D)

Old clothes
my mother has preserved my first b'day dress to all those cute little frocks :P
I wonder why she did it..so much of stuff unpacked here & there makes me pesky but I cannot ask her to throw them! Not that am heartless or I want to hurt her.. I see no point in keeping all that.Like if I were a celeb or something..I would have auctioned those clothes to get some $ but since am not and nor do I see any such possibility , we better chuck it! The heights is ..this maid laughs off seeing all my clothes & ask my mother why she stored them up since so many years.Then mum says 'I'll give her away when she gets married!'
WTH!!
Give me money..give me 2 chefs and 3 maids when I get married..sponsor a world trip for me..gift me a dozen designer clothes but please don't pile up my first b'day dress , little socks etc just for it to be a souvenir when I get married! Maybe she is commencing a family pass-on tradition.I think my mum thinks I'll forget her , lol so as a reminder she wants to give me my old stock. Huh. Sometimes you just don't know how to react.
I'm speechless.I'm very delighted to see my very little dresses.I'm a little angry its been kept for a reason that is utterly stupid.But again , I'm speechless.Most of all, ambivalent.
I love my clothes though.I have certainly worn better dresses in my childhood :P

Old Pics
Again from my 1 month old to first b'day and so on...I cannot believe its me.
I was SO BLOODY FAIR.
NO!
not bloody fair..I was SO MILKY FAIR! I envy myself- my childhood skin color.
Every time I look at the pics , my parents tell me how special I was.Yeah yeah I get it I'm not anymore. Anyway , its just regarding how I looked..I would still like to believe that am very special =)
I also went through the pics taken during the last few days at school.I'd forgotten so many of my class mates.Very refreshing to just think of 'em again.Funny too.Embarrassing as well.lol
What I don't have are the farewell pics.I was so busy properly draping the saree...that I couldn't manage time to take some pics at home.At the function , I was busy living the moment & clicking others.It went just too fast.And it was the worst farewell any batch of outgoing students from our school ever got! But that doesn't bother much. Last glorious time at school after all.I'm making it sound like a battle ( by using the word glorious ) But with anything that has to do with 'being last' , I vision a Colosseum , gladiators , an energetic crowd cheering for the last fight -- Historical event. < in my life>

Old Diary
I started making diary entries in my 9th grade when even though I did make an attempt at creating blogs ..I didn't know of blogger & rediffblog looked too dull.So I stuck to writing in a tiny notepad.Started off with my school trip.I rarely wrote & even if I did , I made sure I write about the times I totally loved spending.Sometimes , I'm amazed I was the one who used to think like that.Cutely immature :P
My cute little immature notepad makes me immeasurably happy.I wish I'd written more that time...would have been all the more fun to read now & later.

I'm enjoying micro-blogging these days.Been extremely confused if I should start that as a new blog.But twitter does seem cool.Although its punchline is 'What are you doing?' , I'm using it for writing whatever I feel or think or DID - not what am doing. ( Airtel charges 3 bucks per tweet so cannot always tell 'what I'm doing' :P ) In 120 words summing up something is nicer.Short & sweet.
Will be away for a while.A week.

Delete bad memory

A couple of months back I watched this movie - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind ( interesting title huh ?) Its a '04 American film which uses the elements of science fiction to explore the nature of memory and love.The plot revolves around Joel & Clementine who fall out of love with each other after two years of relationship.Clementine then comes across the service of Lacuna , led by a doc that claims to to be able to erase all specific memories from a person's mind.Clementine erases Joel from her mind.

The particular part of erasing memory wouldn't be sci-fi anymore.

Few days back I read this article in TOI -'Researchers in Brooklyn have recently accomplished comparable feats with a single dose of an experimental drug delivered to areas of the brain critical for holding specific types of memory ,like emotional associations, spatial knowledge or motor skills.The drug blocks the activity of a substance that the brain apparently needs to retain much of its learned information.So far , the research has been done only on animals.( Researchers succeeded in erasing a learned memory in rats with a single doze of an experimental drug called ZIP) But scientists say this memory system is likely to work almost identically in people.'

Hmm there's a saying fiction is inspired from real-life.This looks like real-life inspired from fiction.

I'm amazed how both real-life & fiction co-relate each other.Of how , what one imagines is ultimately manifested by someone else some or the other time in a little different but typical form.

Carnival of Cars

Sexy cars , sexy car stunts & a sexier Brian ( Paul Walker ) , Vin Diesel in his strong man-of-small-words-and-only-actions as Dom - make up Fast & Furious 4. I've watched the first & 3rd ( tokyo drift ) of this series. 3rd one was highly hopeless as far as the script goes ..but it had some daredevil stunts that drifted me crazy while I saw the car drifting ;)
Fast & Furious 4 is full of some nail biting furious action packed with an electric background music.The script thankfully is entertaining ..but even if it doesn't match up with the first movie , its visual treatment makes up for the not-so-thrilling script.

I cldn't have missed this one by any chance.
I'm so happy after watching this movie .Have been planning to watch since what Friday ?
Loveeed Paul Walker!! He's sexier than Bard Pitt , Owen Wilson & Orlando Bloom put together :P ..the three men I once fancied.
I don't know what it is about Paul..maybe his smile .. his eyes..umm I guess I fancy the character Brian more.
He looks ultra cute in tux =)

Some of the action scenes make me think how do these people actually make them ? Graphics , yes.But still , how does someone think of it ?? It takes a second-to-second perfection to make a stunt so dazzling.Its very usual for us to watch these breath taking action scenes..but they never fail to impress me.Wonder how much working goes behind it.

Today in the morning I was penning down a post which I cldn't save : on how watching a movie meant the world to me.
It takes a lot of dedication , hard work , focus & determination for me to somehow manage to get permission from dad to go for a movie.Not that he is very strict , its just that why should I get to watch movies when am doing away with studies ?? I have to plan , strategize my every move.Carefully think over the movie that I choose to watch ..as there has to be a gap of at least 20 days before I watch another one.So I search for upcoming movies & if anything looks exciting enough..I skip the current sensation.
To summarize the whole thing : the movie freak that I am..watching a movie is like a carnival for me...
since I have to take so much effort to be able to watch one =)
and Specially the one that I go for with friends!

** Fireworks**

Don't let the cat...

Am scared of cats.Like am really really really scared of cats!! So much so that if I were a heart patient , I would have had a heart attack just by seeing a cat. I won't mind admitting that I hate cats.

I squeal whenever I see one anywhere around in my home.And my home is like an illegal residence for cats.There are bout 3 cats that keep on wandering inside our home at their convenience.We've tried to scare them..lol..yes we have tried shooing them away so many times but looks like they just love our home.Animals love our home.And am freaking scared.

So it so happened that one of cats quickly brought in 2 kittens inside my parent's bedroom & occupied an open drawer which had some silk clothes.I squealed in my trademark style & did everything possible to not let the cat bring in the 3rd kitten.Now you must be thinking it is sweet to see a kitten ? Trust me its not! Not that of a roadside kitten.They are tiny..apparently cute ..but dirty lol. I got goosebumps when I saw them cosily relaxing.And the maid at my home kept on scaring me more that the cat may attack me if I do anything to the kittens.Not that I intended to do anything to the kittens apart from just getting them the hell out of my home..but it still freaked me out just imagining the cat's attack : Did I mention I'm scared of cats ?

So I called over the watchman of our colony to get those kittens out.When my grandma reached home & heard of this catty tale ..she went hyper with all the sins and stuff.Honestly I myself felt a little bad for letting the kittens away from the cat. So we called over the watchman back & put the 2 kittens along with its sibling at the backyard :P Later on my maid told me that the cat was smelling its babies.Its like the cats do not take back the kittens if they are touched by anyone , she told me.

I'm not generally superstitious but if its anything to with the cats , I'm the first one to take charge.So when my grandma said it would be sinful for us to separate the cats & kittens , I felt bad.Not for the sin again..just the cat & the kittens , lol.

True they were dirty but really cute to watch.Barely opened their eyes , their tiny hands & legs.I clicked.And it moved with the flash.I disturbed the poor kitten's sleep.

And mine too.I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight fearing the cat all set to harm me.It comes from nowhere : I once cried ..just few months back , over the same issue. That time , it looked all ready to kill.Maybe its just my imagination but If I ever go insane ,I request , sue the cat!!!

See ? I'm still so freaked out & hyper.And obviously I ain't gonna put the pic up here.

Teen Love

I'm writing bout this topic because one my friend - candy - wanted me to write about it.I'm going to point out examples from in & around my life & not just generalise this.I maybe wrong not because I don't vision it correctly , but because I suck at putting words to my vision.

First of all , Teenage is a phase where we all think we are too mature to handle anything which is a fallacy but it happens anyway.I'll quote another friend who calls it 'misguided zeal of youth'!
Its a crazy snazzy time of our lives where we want to make the most out of gossips , school/college , friends & most of all our crushes.

Love cannot be defined absolutely & its not the summation of attraction , liking , infauation et al.But teenage is that point in life where attraction rules & again its not love.Although it would be wrong to say that there's no such thing like love in teens.
Lets come out of the box.Lets just not relate this with age.Its all bout maturity , trust , faith & that special feeling for that one person in your life whom you want for the rest of your life.
So while most teens are confused & barely know what love means , they take their crush as their love.But you get over a crush once you find another.And so was it love anyway ?

K is a cousin of mine who's just 14 & so madly in love with a girl.And very serious as well.He is a sweet guy who's not one of those flirtatious boy who wants to make as many gfs as possible.I wasn't surprised when he said to me that he wants to marry that girl. Just 14 & he already wants to set his life up with her.I don't know the depth of their relationship, but in his words ..he is in LOVE.

Xyz's a friend who has dated 2 or 3 guys.She never said to me she was in 'love' with any of these guys.She just said she liked them.Didn't work out with any of those & that was mostly because what I think of it as - it wasn't just 'serious' for her.And most of all , it wasn't love in the first place.

M is about 21 years old in a 'relationship' with a 18 year old friend since last two years.
[He dislikes referring her as his 'gf' & I myself find gf-bf words quite shitty*]
He stayed away for more than an year & yet they are together.They give each other space , their freedom & there's a great level of understanding between them.He loves her & said "the first time we met..it just clicked"

There are many others I know who have a parallel story as of Xyz.What I'm trying to say is its not about age..its not just about crush..its not just about liking someone...its more about the confidence in your relationship , its all about being there for each other..its all about trust & faith..its all about LOVING each other which means you won't leave them no matter what.Its all about knowing each other , being loyal , respecting each other's thoughts & its all in the HEART.

What happened with Xyz was that she ended up fighting.A lot of people fall out for the same reason.But thats where your brain works and not heart.Am sure K & M too have those tough times but why have they still been together with their love ?? Because they know nobody can take the place of their love.

If you end up in a relationship with an intention to deceive or just for 'time pass' or just because all others around you are going around - it sure is going to drive you round the bend! But when you have confidence in each other..everything works.
Teens usually just want to take a chance.They may , they may not be in love with that same person but its all upto them.Because its all in the h e a r t.

* gf-bf sounds like you are dating someone just for the heck of it...unpredictable story.When you say you are in a relationship - it reflects confidence..maturity & it says more to yourself than anybody else ..that you truly love that person.


Candy - I might have been far away from the point you wanted me to write bout but this is all I had to say.I shall write a part 2 if you guide me through :) And hun..I'm not guns against you when I've talked of 'teens' nor have I written anything keeping you in mind.You're much beyond your age & far more muture than any teen I know. :P Love sweets!