Pickle

The thing is sometimes some energies / feelings are so wasted - you cannot make pickle out of them.
( In my mother tongue I say - Ye feeling ka acchar dalu kya ?? :p )

So we wait for some things to end. Anticipating pain does not lessen it though.

Then there's always that emptiness.

So when a person comes back into your life after a long time with all the apology drama and all - and you let them in. Its a disaster in disguise.

Forgiveness is a tool we use to make peace with ourselves.

But giving another chance ..is knowingly running into the blind.

It feels like its not worth having those feelings.
You cannot contain them with you.

And therefore some memories should remain where they are.
 Tweaking them  can only create problems again.

Why open old wounds ?

There is no point in holding back to moments you once let go.

Shades of grey ?

Is it true ? Is there something beyond black & white ?

Can all things , people , feelings be categorized into two extreme ends ? Or does everything has its shades of grey ?

Ambiguous or amalgamation of good and bad ..conflicting  yet together yin & yang ?

Is that how all exists ? No black or white but only in grey ?

Wiser ?

Wisdom is being able to dissect your feelings from a situation.

In some cases , wisdom is not letting emotions run too high on decisions.

 Some things are wrong because they're wrong. Feelings cannot make them right.

Wisdom is adapting to change ( something I miserably fail at! )

Wisdom is finding new ways than beating around the bush on a load of old crap.

Wisdom is in developing enough power to break bonds that cannot coexist.

Luck supports in extreme cases.
But at all other times. .its wisdom that you need the most!

Wisdom isn't all about making the right decision. Its about making one at the right time!

We all have demons inside us that are waiting to unlock themselves.
Demons that we are terrified of unhooking.

We wish to throw 'em out yet we wldnt confront them.

We battle them on everyday basis. Battles that are un ending. Battles that one day give us strength and vigor to fight it all and battles that weakens us the very next day.

The fear is so strong.  The fear of not just facing it but the fear of utter  helplessness.
 

What if the demons never vanish ?

Our choices make us our habit. We are our habits. And habits are so darned difficult to change.
Because any changes to usual pattern is temporary.  

You flip back to your old self conveniently.

Demons are convenient to fight from where they are. Cry over it. Blame it. Run away from it. But it follows you like dark shadow.

The only way out is to destroy it completely.

How is the only question I seek answer for !

Rule no. 1 : Don't mind anything.  And that means freaking nothing.
Because minding little or big things is a dangerous pitfall.

Rule no. 2 : Don't don't don't and strictly and genuinely and religiously refrain from being sentimental :/
If you follow rule 1 . Rule 2 can be a cakewalk

Rule no. 3 : You have fking no power to change people.  They're gonna do and say and think what they're gonna do and say and think.
So do not waste time in this area.
There's no better investment than yourself ! And that should be rule  no. 4 !

Rule no. 4 : You and only your attitude matters.  Change yourself ! Invest in yourself.  Pamper yourself.

Rule no. 5 : Don't go against your guts. And logic too. Specially in emotional imbalance .

Rule no. 6 : Control your temper!! Its that one thing that can set things off real bad and for all you know..forever.

Ok. That's all. So much is happening around. I made a trip to Kashmir , a post on which is due.
I gave a lecture on mind power. Oh yeah. Me ! The girl who isn't the most positive person to find around :p lol but I did it with an intention of becoming one coz you begin to practice better when you preach  :)

My research on this subject is getting endless. So many questions still unanswered. I don't question the science or working of the subconscious mind but there's a whole ocean of mystery I wish to unravel !

Untill then. Lets keep calm and stay super positive !

Punjabi wedding!

I'm finding it hard to blog these days. Even if it meant writing about the super duper surprised filled best birthday ever! But later on that. The current sizzling event was my lovely friend's wedding :D
And we all know how much fun weddings are!

I have usually attended only marwadi weddings. So being in a Punjabi wedding was a different experience altogether. And I must mention..I am totally in love with Punjabis. Extremely friendly & jolly people plus very  good looking :P
I have learned to speak a little Punjabi too and its fun!

I am gonna miss my friend a lot! Statically she's the one with I have probably had the most fights with but sometimes you share such an amazing bond with some people.. that despite all the run downs..your friendship remains intact and only grows with time! Moreover when a friend gets married and goes away..you realize their importance to no end. :/ :(

I still can't believe Luvza is married! I mean hello ?! It all happened a bit too fast. And since the time she got engaged ( 4 months back ) we've all been wayyy too excited for her wedding :D

While the bride was mostly busy applying and removing makeup,  we friends enjoyed with the family.
 And ofcourse the eye candies around us :P
 Its so weird the bride and groom are the ones that are tired the most.. I mean the ones getting married should be given a chance to enjoy it :P

I am not a photo person. As in I usually refrain form putting pictures on blog , albums on fb etc.
 But this is a major event of my life. And given to my lack of writing - I will just let the pictures speak a thousand words ;)

Your battle.

A thought can change your heart.  A thought can change everything about your life. And eventually we majorly are amidst a conflict of our own or somebody else's suggested thoughts. How much do we let that influence us ?

I've suffered mentally & emotionally  a lot by giving too much energy ,  time and importance to things and people and emotions that were pointless. It was a traffic congestion   in my thought world. And no amount of denying , fighting or accepting things / situation was helping.         
All I needed was a change of heart.
A change of thought.              
                                     
And when it happened... I was amused how much I'd let my other opinions and beliefs  dominate my energy. Its like I just switched off few brain cells ownin those thoughts.
And am all good. Relaxed. Calm.

Of course there were other factors that aided my heart change :  situation , acceptance , forgiveness. Albeit very time consuming.    
But I'd have never gotten out of this if I hadn't changed my mind. And like a friend says..everyone has to fight their own inner battle.

Ultimately I also feel you probably have to go through that process. Of hurtfulness. Of hatred. Of resentment. Of trying hard to hold onto things . Of not adjusting to the change.     
But being there for too long is dreadful. Somebody has to pull you out. YOU have to pick yourself out of the mess. You have to change your heart !

How bad can get it ?

There's nothing to loose.
When you did not belong in the first place.

I shatter.  And I glue myself.  I break more. And I glue again.
Sometimes I don't even bother.
I let myself remain wounded.
Forbearing ?
Maybe.

Life is no fairytale.

You could ask if I'm disappointed with the promise the words in this title holds? I'd be very honest and conclude yelling that I am freaking scared!!

There's a thin line between being optimistic and day dreaming. And no , I'd never settle for the day dreaming which is why life is so scary. Although ironically people around me are having their fairy-tales. Not normal happiness you know. Literally fairy tales which does make me wonder at the possibilities but WAIT - I would only end up day dreaming. So I cling onto the thought that .. Life is NOT a fairytale.

3 years back so many people in the family were getting married (happily , not to mention perfect match ). Now practically its raining babies. And as of today so many people I know - friends , acquaintances , school mates are getting married , with their - ahem - absolute fairy tale stories.And look very HAPPY. It all seems like movies. So fictional ( and yet contrarily very real ). And since my beliefs are more inclined towards being realistic - I'm dead scared.

 I'm exasperated , puzzled & totally freaked out. The marriage proposals are going haywire. I'm not liking it AT ALL. I'm already not very fond of the marriage concept ; add to it marrying a complete stranger makes me fall of the edge.

I'm asked several times .. what am I looking for in a guy. And I'm clueless :o because I don't want to go about a check list. I'll just know.

But hello!! It only sounds easy. How will I know if I don't know what I want ? I definitely know what I don't want. But isn't that again like keeping a cross list ? :/

There's nobody I can talk to about this. Its so pointless. They are all gonna give me some fairytale sweets to choke up on. And I only wish to tell them..am so.damn.freaking.scared!

Dad is hardly offering any solution. He's barely offering me any solution to my other emotional debatable thoughts. I am unable to confide into him. I cannot tell him what's eating me. And all this while I never worried..because I'd think he'd eventually rescue me out of all my problems or give me proper direction , which is so not happening.

Its funny I'm thinking of all sorts of fasts that I never kept all this while. Handsome husband and all that. I never believed in it. And now am so desperate to get off my fear -  I'd do anything. Superficial. Superstitious. Just tell me. And I'll do it.

Am one year short to my quarter life (crisis). But seems like , IT -  the crisis , has decided to fall upon me too soon.

Ok . I need some air to breathe.

I could only pray for a great amount of wisdom right now...and distantly a not so perfect yet a content fairytale.

Wolf of the Wall Street

I haven't seen a movie as crazy as the Wolf  recently. Its just awesomely nuts. And the fact that its based on  real life story of Jordan Belfort makes it all the more alluring. Or did I just mention crazy ? :P

Leonardo Dicaprio is wonderful - effortless with his ramblings , drugs overdose after effects , Spartan like speeches & of course delivering F words like butter , dialogues and demeanour only he could make you laugh at  .
There's almost a similar parallel role he played in Catch me if you can..only this one gets extremely ridiculously entertaining.

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And the funniest of the scenes. ( Several others I refrain to put on the blog :P )

Jordan Belfort: [to the waiter] Oh, I'm good with water for now.

Mark Hanna: It's his first day on Wall Street. Give him time.

Jordan Belfort: I fucked her brains out... for eleven seconds.

Jordan Belfort: Was all this legal? Absolutely not!

Jordan Belfort: I am not gonna die sober!

Jordan Belfort: People say shit... I mean like, you married your cousin or some stupid shit.

Donnie Azoff: Yeah, my wife is my cousin or whatever, but it's not like what you think.

Jordan Belfort: Is she like, a first cousin?

Donnie Azoff: Her father is the brother of my mom. Like, we grew up together, and she grew up hot, you know, she fucking grew up hot. And all my friends are trying to fuck her, you know, and I'm not gonna let one of these assholes fuck my cousin. So I used the cousin thing, as like, an in with her. I'm not like, gonna let someone else fuck my cousin, you know? If anyone's gonna fuck my cousin, it's gonna be me. Out of respect.

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Must must must watch even as the movie yells F words a million times probably making it the most sweari-est movie :D