Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Buck up!

 Lately I've been quite a mess.Lately is about more than 7 months. 
All of it only proves how bloody fickle minded I am. Its probably the worst thing about me.
I had a tough time accepting and believing an assumption ..which again was nothing short of truth.

I had a disgustingly irritating time moving on. I felt sad , angry , longed , loved , stupid , hurt and every other possible feeling someone as childish at heart as me can feel.

I used to make a clear mindset , stick to it for a while and all of my pretense of being strong failed when I melted over heartwarming talks from someone I genuinely liked.

I really strongly feel the need of having a sibling of around my age at this point. Although that was something I always vouched for but knowing its impossibility ..I had adjusted myself with being alone. I do have wonderful cousins who are no less of really good and true friends I can trust my life on...but at the end of the day....when you hit the bed and have no one to speak to - you feel like the walls are going to eat you.3 am friends too , I  have. But presence is important.That connection and bonding...that support I miss. And am never going to have it.

I'm absolutely sure that I wouldn't have been such an emotional wreck.

But anyway...there are better things to focus on. Better and great things to do.
I just tend to forget how wonderful I can make everything around me. Its just the matter of my attitude.
I tend to forget I am blessed.

Enough damage has been done. It has all been a waste of time as it always seems in retrospective.
And then its easy to put.."what if you already knew the outcome of your small actions". Its like the butterfly effect. Such little strings attached to massive movements.
I'm not going to divulge my time and energy over what ifs. Nor will I regret.

And  most importantly..I will not allow myself to fall in the trap of feeling vulnerable.

My thinking process will have a lot to do with how I deal with this. And I want progress now.
Its creepy I'm going to turn 22 soon. I need to BUCK UP and for everything and everyone who have damaged me ..spoiled me..hurt me , I can only say one thing to you : FUCK YOU!


  1. It's good tht u got it all out of your system...I love this thing about blogging..releasing pent-up emotions...

    Awareness is the first step towards change. Some experiences are important to help us grow..some experiences are needed to make us stronger and wiser...

    And about siblings, I totally understand tht part..I understand the thing about physical presence..cos wen Im low, I have my siblings arnd...well, u can call your 'di' or drop her en email wenever u feel like.. :)

    Take care..


  2. Kinda in a similar situation here. Your post helped.

    BTW, All the best :) :)

  3. Buck Up...And all the best...
    We are stronger than we think. We have more strength than we can imagine... :)

  4. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger... time will heal everything...

    Been there, done that. So buck up sweetie.

    Fuck the world, be selfish and get better.

  5. No matter how much others guide you or comfort you or say nice preppy stuff to you, it will always be You who will know the solution to your problems, it has to come from within and thats what i see in this post :) :)

    now just keep up with what you have resolved :)


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