Float away

I want to throw a bottled message into the ocean.

I want to wrap it all up , box it and throw away.

All the feelings together.

Just letting it go..letting it float away whichever direction it chooses to go.

And while I do so..I want to smile.

Smile that it expired.

Filtering any bitterness or indifference that has masqueraded itself ..tugging me every time I take a step forward.

You wanted to know how I feel about it ?

 I feel nothing because I feel everything.

And so in this nothing and everything...I want it all to just float away....

Buck up!

 Lately I've been quite a mess.Lately is about more than 7 months. 
All of it only proves how bloody fickle minded I am. Its probably the worst thing about me.
I had a tough time accepting and believing an assumption ..which again was nothing short of truth.

I had a disgustingly irritating time moving on. I felt sad , angry , longed , loved , stupid , hurt and every other possible feeling someone as childish at heart as me can feel.

I used to make a clear mindset , stick to it for a while and all of my pretense of being strong failed when I melted over heartwarming talks from someone I genuinely liked.

I really strongly feel the need of having a sibling of around my age at this point. Although that was something I always vouched for but knowing its impossibility ..I had adjusted myself with being alone. I do have wonderful cousins who are no less of really good and true friends I can trust my life on...but at the end of the day....when you hit the bed and have no one to speak to - you feel like the walls are going to eat you.3 am friends too , I  have. But presence is important.That connection and bonding...that support I miss. And am never going to have it.

I'm absolutely sure that I wouldn't have been such an emotional wreck.

But anyway...there are better things to focus on. Better and great things to do.
I just tend to forget how wonderful I can make everything around me. Its just the matter of my attitude.
I tend to forget I am blessed.

Enough damage has been done. It has all been a waste of time as it always seems in retrospective.
And then its easy to put.."what if you already knew the outcome of your small actions". Its like the butterfly effect. Such little strings attached to massive movements.
I'm not going to divulge my time and energy over what ifs. Nor will I regret.

And  most importantly..I will not allow myself to fall in the trap of feeling vulnerable.

My thinking process will have a lot to do with how I deal with this. And I want progress now.
Its creepy I'm going to turn 22 soon. I need to BUCK UP and for everything and everyone who have damaged me ..spoiled me..hurt me , I can only say one thing to you : FUCK YOU!

# long story in short.

Give wings. Then ask not to fly 

# Parents.

Some decisions are not regretful. They are just  not worth it!   

# Don't know what the F I was thinking.

opportunity cost and opportunity ; what ifs.... 

# college

seriously doesn't make sense AT ALL  

# the way things happened. Life.

Not following dreams   

# Finding hard to tap talent # WTF !

everybody seems to be a photographer

# All you need is a SLR

So laid-back..its indigestible!

# Missing college trip.

Making supercool plans. Superhot plans 

( that didn't work ; that were not going to work anyhow.)

# confidence or height of hopes ? Adventurous maybe.

 Not being a phone person

# in a  Long distance relation or something like that ?

# Funny :D

Be thankful.For whatever there is.

# things not to forget.

Everything happens for a reason.

# Not EVERYTHING.Please spare me that nonsense. Thank you.

Is that sherlock holmes ?!?!

I was a bit taken aback when I had seen  the first installment of guy richie's version of Sherlock Holmes. I mean they really turned him into a psycho scientist !
Ofcourse witty - very witty who could only be outsmarted by one woman..Irene Adler.
But then I don't reckon having an image of sherlock holmes who would talk too much.
Or who would  occassionally crack jokes and even appear dumbwit.
Nah!!
The detective is supposed to be charming..suave and sexily witty.

But if you talk of the MOVIE as a piece of art..its pretty fantastic!
The climax is amazing. So the credit goes to the story more than the one leading it.
The theme of storytelling and direction too is snazzy.

If you've read sherlock holmes..its going to disappoint in terms of characterization.Or at least give you a detective you don't know!
If you haven't read ( pity..you must! ) , then well just enjoy the movie :D

oh and I went alone to watch it ! :P  I need movie buddies.
I think I might just add being a 'movie buff' as a prerequisite for being friends with me ;)

Draw the line.

Last year has been very emotionally exhausting.
So many stories ..so many people.So much consolation.
Conversations.All those discussions.
They carry no points. They are like extra baggage.
Just like secrets. That only weigh you down.

I guess we all are just too apprehensive about everything.About emotions.Its all so hyped.

Everyone has their own way of moving on. But what I've learnt is whether you begin to hate the person or still love them...as long as there are hard feelings..you can never really move on.

I've grown tired of finding my answers. I've grown tired of reasoning.
I'm not sure if I was giving second chance to myself or the one on that side ?

Time to leave things behind. High time.

LEFT THINGS BEHIND.

Sure it feels bad. Its shattering. But then I reckon with these words ..  time doesn't heal wounds..you only grow immune.  And I'm waiting to gain my immunity.

--------------

New year's eve was 'nice' to say the least. Went to the same club for the third time in a row.
Wasn't so exicted about it. I can apply the concept of marginal utility.
Maybe was in my own world. Still better than not partying at all.

Am sounding like my pulse rate won't show any change whether there is something very good or bad to happen. Strange.

I cannot forgive or forget. I'm just drawing the line.