Friday, March 20, 2009

Packing up Hope

I stayed 3 more days in Pune. Ate out everyday ..been to Bashos - cool restaurant , pizza hut & village.
Had hukkah 5 times in last 10 days but I cldnt take more than 3 puffs at a time.Was feeling so dizzy :S And I 'll try not to have it again. Kinda wastes my effort on pranayam.
Lunch was at home ( my uncle's place ) & I was finding it too hard to gulp down a molecule of that food.The cook over there cooks everything so weird.Or maybe I'm just not used to that kind of food.I missed ghar-ka-khana so much ! Nothing beats what my mum cooks.I've decided not to nag now onwards.I so under-estimated what she cooks :P Sorry mum!

One of my first cousin's got a very good job at Calyon Bank with a fairly nice package in this time of recession.He got what he was really looking for.I'm so excited & happy for him :)
That didn't help me much to stay happy for a long time because there's just one thing that blinks ahead of my idle mind - "you black sheep!"
And the only thing I say to the study-devil that hounds me is " I know I know..I need to study , but I just don't know where to start from.I'm running late as always :("

Looking back , I have always gone through that phase where I've told myself "I could have done better" but nobody really gives a damn about it because the only thing that mattered was whether I really did anything better.But I never did.Too much of the 'but' congestion in my life.
So with two of my first cousins having great jobs at multinational banks , there's obviously a lot of expectation ( from a hopeless student like me ) from this little 19 yr old girl who feels 16 , who hates exams , who wishes if she had have got into Arts , who cannot make the head & tail of accounts/tax & yet is pursing CA.

My problem is that I'm not at all confident & thats mainly because I'm not too much interested in what I'm doing.But I'm still somehow pulling time to make some other people happy around me , thought honestly speaking , I'm not trying :( which is not making others happy anyway!

I badly need to resume studying.Its been a long break..can count in months! :(
We all got together for a small dinner party at my cousin's place yest to celebrate his achievement.Went to the temple later on.I felt so good after a long time and sadly all these days I didn't seek help from god.I suddenly realized what I've been missing on.

I know God is not going to write my exams but just praying gives me a little hope & strength to open my books.He's my confidence back-up.I do feel guilty for asking for anything just when I need it ..& all that but this is important.I cannot afford to disappoint dad once again :(


  1. ok 1st time here ...njoyed reading ur post ;)
    hukkah i had once nd ...thts kinda money wastage !
    best of luck in watever u are planning .you .19 year old teenager ;)

  2. infact you are doing CA.. complete aish!

    Hehe.. never mind.. well I am no1 to tell you to study... I don't study myself....!
    All i can wish is ALL THE BEST for everything!

  3. lol @ God givin u hope & strength to open your books..Well, u cnt really change yr destiny..Pursuin CA is somethin people die 4..your career is already stop worryin bout it..Lotsa ppl enjoy lyf but dat doesn't hamper their path to success..n u haven't dissapointed yr dad, he'z definitely proud of u..CA is a BIG BIG thing..n padhai toh chalti rehti hai, u dnt really need to b nerd to score good..u'll definitely live upto every1's expectations...:-)

  4. Heyyyy!! Cheeer uppp :)

    ACTION CURES FEAR! So act! Start studying, stop worrying!

    I've tried hukka and m glad m not addicted to it..One hearty drag makes me


  5. Peter :
    Thank you!

    Abhinav :
    Thank you! To-be-CA's need lots of luck :P

    Candy :
    lol..has mat yaar! sach bol rahi hoon :P unless I dont pray , I do not have the courage to open my books :D lol
    I know how people die to become CA & that entire process is very killing :P Yes CA is a big big thing only if you become one ;)
    My chances seem very less ! lol
    Ok what a pessimist I've become. Let me stop here lol

    Swats :
    I needed encouragement :) Thank you twin :)
    Yeah even am thankful not to get addicted to does make you dizzy & all the 5 times I had it , I was super-hungry.That makes it worse :P

  6. hey hey..!!! cheer up!!! CAs no big deal for you!! and its never too late!! so just get going...

    and gud you couldnt have huka properly!!! dun wanna see you being addicted to smting!!!!


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