Yaaaaa dude!

All I needed was a vacation!

How about with free food , free dj party , free accommodation and a bunch of funny crazy people ?!
Add to it - the venue being GOA!
Perfect!!

I don't have the right words..I have no words infact to write about the most awesome wedding I've been to. Maybe I'm not very sure how I feel about the whole thing. Its weird that I don't feel weird.
 ( About being back home after having an amazing time and not crying over for missing everything*)

This time in points -

• Made new friends. Absolutely fantastic people!
• Danced ( ofcourse) thrice! :  Sufi night. Sangeet night  and pool party
• Sangeet or DJ night was 'Desi Sunburn' as brat put it. Have never danced so much with live singers. 3 Indian Idol finalist. They sang amazing and the tracks they choose made us all unstopabble. Every time we'd think this is so tiring and now must get off the stage..another kickass track would be played! Freaking awesome.
• Pool party in a madu wedding is very modern I must say. Lol ..quite questionable. But it was again so much fun! They arranged for rain dance as well. Sexy!
• The bride was my cousin.Someone I was very close to. But then things change no ? There's still something special about old friendships. All it needs is unison.And I have no opinions what so ever.  Just enjoyed being there. It was her wedding afterall !!
• The last night of the 3 day wedding..we stayed awake the whole freaking night! Hukah and daru party. One of her friends got so high..she danced alone for an hour. Lol but she is definitely the best dancer I've seen. Totally enjoying to the core and god knows where on earth does she come up with so many different steps!
• I was the only person who did not cry during vidaaai. I didn't cry even on bubble's wedding. I still don't know why. I mean the whole thing is freaking sentimental plus there was background music to it with dhol and vidaai song. It still didn't hit me. All her friends were sobbing. I was blank.
• All of us cousins are very cool. And by cool I mean shameless. There's no limit set to cracking non veg jokes. And then since there were also her 'friends' ..there was absolutely no limit. With all the flirting and link ups there were added double meaning comments. Holy shit! Cheesy allright. But funny at the same time.Ridiculous I'd rather say.
• Before the wedding we all indulged in rigorous dance practice for sangeet. That was another 3 days of full on masti!  With hukah sessions every now and then ;)  
• Everybody vouches on Brat's chammak challo steps ! :D 
• K  played my cousin and she is a damn good dancer herself. G as usual was the lead guy.I was the side dancer. I don't like that. lol but I held onto my grumblings. *pats self*
• Food : 5-star hotels have their own receipes. You generally don't end up liking the usual dishes. But for the continental specially mexican and thai food - it was deliciously delectable along with dulcet desserts!
• To sum up it was one hell of a  heavenly week! :D Mind blowing fun! Too many memories and jokes to rest upon.

* Now the usual custom is that whenever I spend time with my maternal cousins which is like once in a year and come back to my homeplace - I sob like a kid. I start feeling the vacuum much before I'm to bid goodbye to everyone.
This time it was different. Strange. I didn't get the jitters. I was hardly over -conscious of the fact that I was leaving and that its probably going to be another year before I see everyone.
That odd sick moment hit me only for a second when brat  left a night before we all departed. And thats that.
I surprised myself. How much can I empty myself out , afterall ? :)

I've spent a very very good time that I'll always cherish. I have my own grudges for certain things. But it allright. Its like a peck of dust I'm flicking away. Doesn't stand anywhere against the glitterati.

Btw how could I not mention some of our own 'phrases'
Two of my cousins - Ak and Brat have this habit of saying 'Ya dude' all the time. The 'ya' is pronounced with a jolt. lol
And then Ok is Oooooookaaayyy.
We tease brat - ' wtf man wtf!'  He uses the F word like an article.
Ak cracks the most silliest jokes ever. Whatever it may be..the fact is everybody giggles. So I guess it works. :D

I'm the usual photographer. I make sure I click as much I can. But this time with three SLRs there wasn't much scope left for me :D
I'm waiting for the pictures!
Its killing to be dependent man!
'Man' another word used like a phrase. lol :)


I'd been to bengaluru as well. Superb weather!

The noodles we had today , my friend.

In those muddled up talks and mostly thoughts...just like a bowl of noodles , it is good to have someone straighten it out for you. Or well just like for noodles - wrap it neatly around the fork for you to gulp it without any sauce left over your mouth.

It always nice to have a perspective you mistakenly or maybe in your sub conscious mind deliberately ignored to look upon.

Its easier when you can laugh about all the things that otherwise give you hell in solitude.

Its funny how something so serious now seems so stupid -- you wonder why didn't you attempt  taking down that messy noodles out of the bowl and slurp it like a kid.

 And you no more bother about how the leftover sauce could make you look like a joker.
A complete fool.
It can be wiped off :)

The heat is gone.

The thoughts lie cold now.

For the nth time maybe..I might be making an effort to write off..and as I completely assure everytime that its done..we all know there's still something left out.

I need a doze once a while to tweak the remaining shards.

More than that - I need people like you to be around.

Wherein I don't have to explain the complexity in desirable & understandable state.
You would  translate my alien emotions precisely to know what I want to express.

 Saves time ;) :P

Merci beaucoup mon ami :)

( use google now :P You certainly don't know French! :D )

One time or ten times. Same diff.

***

What do you think about ffb ? friends for benefits?

Well..


( although I knew what that means I thought he cannot be talking THAT. Nope)

I guess its alright..time pass relation ? 
( An outcome of heartbreak trying to mend by filling in some space , I thought to myself.
Not a bad idea - leaning over to another shoulder for a while to balance it out for you )

As long as it doesn't hurt..its Ok.

No strings attached. I have no feelings for her.

And what about her ?

She has some feelings I guess.

Ok then I will just say..do NOT deceive. 

I told her there's no future to this.
It just happened in a flash.
You do know what I'm talking about right?

( I was a bit taken back. 
Seriously ?)
You mean physical relation ??

Yeah. So what else is ffb then ?

No ..No..yes..I mean I knew what it is..I thought you were saying generally you know..

Nah. Physical relation.


So whats the level ? 
Hugged kissed ? or beyond that.
 ( I asked like he was in kindergarten of physical relations. )

 Do we now have to talk bout the details?

No I don't want any details. I'm asking the level..only then will can I give my valuable inputs.

Lol obviously more than that!! Why would it be an issue then ?

So you want to stop it ?

Don;t know if I really want to stop.

Yah another issue. All wrong things are tempting.

Is that 'wrong?' With the consent of both ?

Ok I won't give the right and wrong crap. I don't think thats a fair way to put it.
Whats unfair is..hurting someone..
Using someone..thats ffb! But if she KNOWS and she's ok with it..

Even she is OK with it.

Then no issue. But you know what ? one of you will eventually get hurt.
It is impossible not to have feelings when you get physically involved.

I know. She would be.

Then she doesn't regard it as ffb for sure.

 Yeah.

Its difficult for girls. They are in illusion that they are doing it because they like the guy a lot..and also in the illusion of being liked back which is worse coz that ain't true.
So be clear. Don;t mislead.

 Exactly..the illusion!
She already knows that its going to head nowhere.

Draw a line.

Yeah.

Easier said. You will be creating new lines every time and cross them over too!

Lol

So what exactly do you want now?

Everything is ok. Won;t mind hanging around with it for some time.
 Just wanted your inputs.

My inputs : Draw the line ofcourse. 
Don't mislead.
Enjoy while it lasts :D
And yeah..try being friends too..atleast for the person who has feelings for you.
Nobody will be in guilt trap that way.

 You analyzed the whole thing perfectly.
If I have to..I will the end the whole thing on a happy note.

Bingo!

You know long back ...I would tag 'kissing' as unethical too.
But then I thought..one time or ten times..same difference :D haha

Lol. Line of the day! One time or ten times...

The girl is the one I always wanted to get physical with.
Fantasy

Mission accomplished ! :D

Yeah.Bombshell.

Whoa! Kaun hai ?

Naam mein kya rakha hai...
( Thats my usual dialogue! grrr!)
Bhawnao ko samjh
( I was wanting to add...there is no 'bhawna/feelings' here. But I let it be.:P)

Fair enough.
There should be a secret element amongst secrets too ;)

Btw... I somehow understand why they would want all to get married earlier.
The hormones are at such peak.Lol

Lol!
 
*** 

So thats ffb then. No feelings - from atleast one side.
I don;t get it how someone can be only lusting? Even if one doesn;t have feelings initially..they are bound to develop later on.I'm not judging the guy above.But I still find it indigestible.
maybe thats the way all males are - genetically.
They can do away with the most amazing moments emotionless. Raw.

Or maybe I'm in a bunch of overloaded emotions. :D
chuck it.

Line of the day : Kissing. One time or ten times. Same difference.
The line is crossed. Doesn't matter if you go back and cross over again n again... :p

Entreat

I'll be taking about God(s). And my thoughts mostly emerged in the last 2 days which were consumed in reading The Immortals of Meluha.

First about the book - a blend of fiction , Indian mythology as well as archeology.
Telling a story about Lord Shiva with a different approach. A snazzy story altogether keeping same characters as we've heard about - while also maintaining the structure of Indian mythology.
 Of the Good vs Evil.
Shiva has been depicted as any other human with few extra qualities which the author didn't find necessary to explain &  it does not sketch the character as being prominently good unlike otherwise how one might expect.

I'm kind of happy to read it. Because I don't remember reading anything close to Indian mythology and specially about Lord Shiva - in English , in a fictional novel.
An Indian shall easily connect with the places mentioned, the significance of characters , the use of sanskrit words and symbols.

The language used & frame of plots is decipherable. Not too many flowery words and yet having a good flow and keeping up your interest till the end. However the end forms the turning point to pick up the next one of the trilogy - The Secret of Nagas.

 -----

I'm in awe of Lord Shiva - not particularly because of what the novels tells about him but mostly due to what our mythology speaks of him.
And it actually dawned upon me to pray to him.
I kept wondering why I never prayed to one of the Gods who they say is most easy to impress.

But even before that - I pondered why I never really pray properly. I would usually recite the sanskrit verses we learnt in childhood and though I know their meaning very well - I don't think I meant anything in that prayer. I would be simply  reciting.

Sitting in front of the idol with my eyes closed thinking about my problems as if I were giving him an audio video record of my life while also expecting him to solve it all. And to give a background effect to the prayers , reciting the sanskirt shoklas which hover around the meaning that lord you are father , mother, friend and a teacher.

Thats it.

I questioned myself - How do I expect to be answered for the prayers that aren't really prayers ?

Yes I do beg or entreat or appeal to Him at times - yes , to be specific - when I'm in trouble. But PRAY ? Do we really pray ??

A lot of people complaint that their prayers are never answered.
Maybe they should check whether they have ever TRULY prayed.
I don't complaint in this regard because I know I've rarely truly devoted myself.
I would just act like a stupid kid and even skip my not so useful monologue of so-called-prayers to tell him that I'm pretty mad with him.

And I think I will get along with whatever the universe throws at me.

But thats not how it works. In my sinking weakning moments - I finally have no choice but to resort to him. Shamelessly expecting him to escort me through troubled waters.

I surrender to him.

Dad always says you need not go to temples - you should just truly call upon him with ALL your heart. When prayers come from heart - he takes care of you , more than that of what you can imagine.

So maybe thats the whole point. Its not about chanting some mantras - the meaning of which you do not know or about visiting temples. Its about 'praying' true to the word - with all your heart. Maybe thats when your prayers will reach and only then is there is a possibility of your requests being fulfilled.

I do not question my belief and faith in God. I also do not question not having belief in him. This is probabaly the only thing on earth and in my life about which  I've never been in a dilemma. I have no issues what others say , who others pray to. I don't pray or remember him for getting my demands pampered. I do pray to get my problems fixed. But whenever I do ( ofcourse during crisis ) - I instill so much faith that I don't need to expect anything. I'm not on a waiting line to check when my appeals are responded to.
It just happens when it has to.

So all this brainstorming I did in past 2 days concludes that : we were taught that we SHOULD pray. However nobody teaches HOW to pray. Thats the trick. Secret to all the questionable beliefs.

I now pray with all my heart..with all my energy ...without ANY other damned thing on my mind.
And I'm proud of that.

Because I know I will be taken care of.

Har har Mahadev!