Sunday, June 1, 2008

The Tribute

I read To Kill a Mockingbird a couple of months back. And I read it again after a gap of 3 months because I didn't follow it well the first time I read it . In fact , it happens with me every now & then. I read any interesting novel or classic , I hurry a lot to finish up reading it . Mostly out of excitement. So I do ignore lots of things , that being the reason I haven't been able to follow some stuff that I read. And for the mockingbird..I don't think I still have answers to all my questions. I mean , yeah I did understand it better than before but I still have too many doubts and issues. Its a classic. So why the hell am I so serious ? Because it is a classic !! Not some Sidney Sheldon crap where everything & anything happens & it really doesn't matter what's what by the end of it . I might not understand the classic yet..but I've got the essence of it. At least a part of it is something I felt in my life & can relate to it . So its not really fully 'bout understanding what you read , its more 'bout being able to apply it in your life & juicing out the crux of your issue. And so far as my story goes..its all for mom !

I felt very hurt because of some major emotional setback . Ok it ain't that major & that's why I'm not even going to state it . Its about complications in relations with people whom I love being with ! Unfortunately , there's not much that can be done now. And I seriously don't want to create any drama just for the heck of it ! All I know is , I bursted out crying after I realized what's been going on. Its a little too complicated to explain so much so that even I'm myself unable to sort it out just to know the reason behind it . But anyway , I know what I felt that time. I couldn't believe I was crying. That day I felt so bogged down that even a pizza & chocolate cake wouldn't have been able to offset the feelings. Mom added her part to it & I had butterflies in my stomach. I always mocked bout her anger , but it seemed like my entire argument-session with her revolved around my eyes . I always said that I look out at things from her point of view but No ! I don't ! I never did ! It was a fallacy on my part & it just broke . I really for the first time ever in my life realized what it was by viewing things from her eyes. All I did so far was looking at things from her angle but not her eyes. Now I know what the little kid in the classic meant by stepping into the shoes of her dad & looking out at everything. [ OK no I ain't so dumb not to understand that phrase ..I know what stepping into some one's shoes means ]
I finally understood her feelings , her anger , her frustration this day because I myself was hurt. I could imagine how much hurt she was when she went through that bad phase of her life. And she still is. Because she is a mom . Because her perspective bout life isn't like my dad. But I don't have any problem with that. She just cannot make herself forget the past & I know why !! That is where I know what it is to be looking at things from someone else's point of view. Its not just about the different interpretation of the issue , but a lot about understanding the feelings on the same front. I have paid a tribute to my mom . No I didn't start learning up cooking which she badly wants me to nor did I make her veryyyy out-of-the-world happy ! But having understanding her correctly & respecting her for the same , is my tribute !!

Ok , a lot being sappy now ! The tribute doesn't mean that things have suddenly changed & I listen to all all all that she has to tell me . It also doesn't mean that I've started behaving differently towards my mom. I'm all the same . We still argue a lot but What makes me happy is the fact that I finally finally realized what it is being my mom . And its making me feel a lot Free as well . Cheers to the Freedom ! though I ....Wonder what captured me anyway ?

And it seems like its been a month of tribute . I paid tribute to my music sir as well. I think I've been doing that since long least every time I play harmonium in rhythm & stupendously ! But that's a sense of Joy that a teacher feels when his/her student performs well. My sir is a poor old man. He is poor that he cannot afford a land line phone connection. He is poor that he manages two meal a day for him & his son & that's all that he wants ! I' never really got to know him a lot personally but the day when he was rejoicing over the fact that I'm his Fave student because I adopt the technicals of music pretty quick & all that jazz...he got a little sentimental & told me that for him life is music & music is life ! There are many music -lovers I've known but none like him who can create a handsome fortune out of his talent ( he's old & poor but a man of extraordinary talents ) & yet has done nothing to coin money. I had an urge to ask him why did he not earn much or why didn't he even ever try to use his talent on a big scale . I did ask him that . He didn't have much to say ..nor did he seem to regret anything. What impressed me a lot was that he wasn't running for money in spite of the fact that he is actually running out of money !! This topic pops a lot many times & he's happy all the time for what he is ! There are few things which cannot be explained & few emotions that cannot be made to emote on paper. And there are few questions which will always be left unanswered. All because emotions cannot be rationalized ! And I respect my sir more & more as each day passes by ..
When I feel bad for and about someone & I step down in his/her shoes to watch out for all that has happened , is happening & will happen. ....& I pay my tribute !

Gifted my sir a cell phone :)

Did you notice , I gave a very calm cool "awwww-so-cute-humble-smile" . lol looks fake , doesn't it ? Did you notice I just smugged ? Only because I'm so proud of what I've done ! But the fact is I ain't all that good ..& let me just put down the bad side ..Sir asked me a hundred times to buy him a cell phone as he could not afford to spend so much amount at one go ! And I ignored his request a hundred times ! I just heard him ..never listened ! Why I did so is something indescribable..I really don't know what made me not do him a little favor for so long ! But I'm amazed by his talent ! He plays the musical instruments Harmonium , Tabla & Flute so fine that you feel as if he has just spell a cast on you ! The mojo of music when he plays the instrument is superb !

There are still many people to whom I have to pay my tribute but I'll do that only when I strongly feel for it because that is when it will honestly come out.There is something really Great about Genuinely offering Gratitude to the people who matter a lot in your life !! And well my tribute to my dad is an on-going process which has to be re-processed since I haven't followed him well lately.

On its way dad ...A Tribute !


  1. u knw .. u figured it out right...
    ur mum faces the worries cause she UR MUM... loll...;) heehehe
    nyways i juz read till ur gr8 sir jumped in.... dint want to read much abut him.. so..;)

  2. It was a good post indeed, but crying doesn't make sense at least from your side ..

    P.S Let things go and give things time .. It can settle down ..
    same things i do with my mom =)

  3. "There are few things which cannot be explained & few emotions that cannot be made to emote on paper. And there are few questions which will always be left unanswered. All because emotions cannot be rationalized !"-----That is really impressive.
    Stepping down in others' shoes to know and understand their point is what we actually call greatness. Hats off to you -Sugar Cube-. I wish you get the strength to do it forever in your life.


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