Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Tick tock tick.

After spending so much time and energy over discussions which had no conclusions , which only ended up with " What can we be done ? Lets not think much. Leave it" , everything boils down to the fact that we have barely 15 days left with us.What happens then ? Every discussion will expire. Everything will easily disappear. From routine. From mind. Only etched in memories , which should not be bitter.

 And here we are -  making so many efforts ... already wasted 150 days trying to find a perfect believable win-win solution. And yet standing back at the same crossroad.

But hey , it will all expire in 15 days. Freaking 15 days!!

Even with that little time in hand..  I wanted to know and understand how right I was about whatever I thought. How badly were I being wronged ?  Whether I should get all honest answers or should I not bother and let it go ? Do I give too much ? Am I being manipulated ? Is someone as genuine as much they convince me every single time ? Or am I simply the fool ? Is it good to be sentimental ? Is it Ok to trust someone else's sentiments while they are with you ? Are they being different otherwise ? Why is 'I don't know' an answer ? Should I even accept it ? Why do I still bother ? Why can't I be as indifferent as I sought out to be ? Why does it still feel bad ?  Why can it not reach an equilibrium ?

Tough. Annoying. An outrageous complicated puzzle.If I create a tree diagram of these thoughts , there will be only one problem - they will lead to an empty space...eventually the last box will have nothing inside. It will route me back to wherever  I started from.

So all I could garner from all the confusion and my splitting views is that - Stick to emotions.But do not get fooled by them.Stick to what you feel. But do not form feelings on what you hear. Stand for your beliefs. And your self formed discipline. But do not compromise with something you will feel bad about. It cannot be worth it.
And ofcourse.. draw the line. Its better off to not exploit a good moment than creating a one with no meaning.

The clock is ticking. I want my mind , brain , heart to just chill and not react at all! All I want from this heavily beating tick tock time bomb is to give me memories  worth cherishing for a long long time. Instead of bitterness & sweet-n-sour ambivalence.

Lets make it count.

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