Shayari # 4

Yun toh rishte bigad jaate hai kuch pal mein.
Magar chahat nahi badalti.
Aakhir be intehaan mohabbat ki ho jisse...
Usse nafrat kaise ho jaye.

Yun toh dur chale jaate hai bina kuch samjhaye
Magar intezaar ki ghadi nahi rukti.
Aakhir wo alvida hi kaisa..
Jo zikra karke bayan kiya jaye!

~ Nams


( 100% original :P )

Farewell to trusting.

Pure co-incidence. I picked a chit during the miss farewell thing..and I was supposed to answer - You should not trust a guy because...?

The first reaction was a big bright smile on my face accompanied with loud cheers from friends. It is irrelevant how much they know what has been going around with me ; the fact is who could answer this better than me ? :P

Don't trust a guy because..

What he says , what he thinks and what he does are three very different things.
80% of the times they are lying. Or making stories. Same thing.
Therefore , don't believe every word he says. Its not worth it.
Infact its not just about guys..generally speaking ,  never put all your faith onto someone. Don't make them so important that they influence your state of being. You never know how situations change and your trust is broken unintentionally.

--- When I lost my faith and trust over my so-called best friend - I felt crippled & was nervous for quite some time. I was so empty I could not feel anything.It was like my heart just shut one more time. I never cried for all the bullshit though.

And then being the usual me ... I gave a dramatic speech to lighten my mood. I said to my friend : I am heartless. She denied. I explained : I only have this organ which is pumping blood into my veins. ( :D ) But it cannot be called 'heart'. My heart is so dead. Because I cannot feel a damned thing.

I may have wronged myself. Conned myself to trust him again. But its only human!
Why the hell am I so forgiving ?

So while our farewell party sucked..and I allowed my friend the privilege to speak to me again :P , a little too late I realized it is not worth it. We tend to believe what we like to hear. Its not really the truth though.

So here's a goodbye to not the friendship that has been sacked , but to the trust that will never be given back.

You lost that place. I still don't know whats in your mind. I don't understand much. But what I can see isn't something I can't deny. Actions speak louder than words..right?

No point to hold on.We're done.
Its not gonna be easy. Even when it is more of a rational than emotional decision.

* College finishes off this week. Not gonna cry about this either. Will miss the routine.
Albeit change is more than welcome :D

Shayari!

Bit by the shayri bug. Always had a soft corner for shayris. They are so short , crisp and yet so   touching. Such little words.. with so much meaning. I love to collect them. Infact , influenced by some of my batch mates. We have a lot of shayars :P Not your typical jilted lovers but people earthing something beautiful in carefully crafted lines.

Expressing through shayris just got the better off me.

A couple of them I wrote , shared and laughed over. There ofcourse is  some inspiration , some incidence and certainly something is in the air because everybody seems to be lost in their own sorrows/worries... but eventually the  background story is subtly grounded ;)
Waise bhi samjhdar ko ishara hi kaafi hai :P

#1
Aaj is gum ka bhi jashn mana lenge.
Pigalte dil ko pathhar bana denge.
Mud kar dekhoge hume agar phir tum
Apni muskurahat se dil tumhara jala denge.

:D

#2
Duaon se sab hasil ho jata
toh sab kuch hum bhi maang liye hote.
Karni hi ho dua toh itna dum ho karmo mein ,
ki bahano ko mauka na mile.

#3
Khud ko ghuma dene ka afsos nahi
Dur jaane ka ab koi gum nahi
Chahe kitne bhi kheech le teri bahein mujhe apni or..
Itne kareeb ab hai hi nahi ki tum rok sako.


*Song on loop : dil ki toh lag gayi ( nautanki saala )

Tick tock tick.

After spending so much time and energy over discussions which had no conclusions , which only ended up with " What can we be done ? Lets not think much. Leave it" , everything boils down to the fact that we have barely 15 days left with us.What happens then ? Every discussion will expire. Everything will easily disappear. From routine. From mind. Only etched in memories , which should not be bitter.

 And here we are -  making so many efforts ... already wasted 150 days trying to find a perfect believable win-win solution. And yet standing back at the same crossroad.

But hey , it will all expire in 15 days. Freaking 15 days!!

Even with that little time in hand..  I wanted to know and understand how right I was about whatever I thought. How badly were I being wronged ?  Whether I should get all honest answers or should I not bother and let it go ? Do I give too much ? Am I being manipulated ? Is someone as genuine as much they convince me every single time ? Or am I simply the fool ? Is it good to be sentimental ? Is it Ok to trust someone else's sentiments while they are with you ? Are they being different otherwise ? Why is 'I don't know' an answer ? Should I even accept it ? Why do I still bother ? Why can't I be as indifferent as I sought out to be ? Why does it still feel bad ?  Why can it not reach an equilibrium ?

Tough. Annoying. An outrageous complicated puzzle.If I create a tree diagram of these thoughts , there will be only one problem - they will lead to an empty space...eventually the last box will have nothing inside. It will route me back to wherever  I started from.

So all I could garner from all the confusion and my splitting views is that - Stick to emotions.But do not get fooled by them.Stick to what you feel. But do not form feelings on what you hear. Stand for your beliefs. And your self formed discipline. But do not compromise with something you will feel bad about. It cannot be worth it.
And ofcourse.. draw the line. Its better off to not exploit a good moment than creating a one with no meaning.

The clock is ticking. I want my mind , brain , heart to just chill and not react at all! All I want from this heavily beating tick tock time bomb is to give me memories  worth cherishing for a long long time. Instead of bitterness & sweet-n-sour ambivalence.

Lets make it count.