Shayari # 4

Yun toh rishte bigad jaate hai kuch pal mein.
Magar chahat nahi badalti.
Aakhir be intehaan mohabbat ki ho jisse...
Usse nafrat kaise ho jaye.

Yun toh dur chale jaate hai bina kuch samjhaye
Magar intezaar ki ghadi nahi rukti.
Aakhir wo alvida hi kaisa..
Jo zikra karke bayan kiya jaye!

~ Nams


( 100% original :P )

Dancing in the moonlight.

I don't understand how you can smile all day long

but cry yourself to sleep.

How pictures never change
but people in them do.


How forever turns into a few short months
that you'd do almost anything to get back..


How you can let go certain things you once said
you cannot live without..


How even though you know something is best for you
it hurts just the same..


How the smell of some person stays with you forever
even when they are gone!


-- I didn't write this. A friend forwarded the above message. Most of the people I forwarded it to asked me if I wrote it. It was amusing the kind of response I got.

Z : what happened to you ? we are not made like this! Oh God..the college should resume asap! Nams is getting spoiled ;)

RS : Keep smiling. Whatever it is that is making you upset..just forget it.Pleaseee :)

K : class! You wrote ?!
I said I wish I did.
He said in that case you'd have to fall in love and then have a breakup :P

VB : Kya baat hai! Touched my heart! :)

SK :  100% You're in Looooove :P :P


Whoa! I myself found the message to strike a chord. Specially the last part of it.
But but..I did not write it :D

And let me admit..I've been quite a sucker for these sentimental messages and quotes. The ones that tug your heartstrings you know!
When Z and K nudged me a little to carry on the conversation about relationships - I just had one thing to say. I find it exhausting.

I find it exhausting to fall in love.
To get to know someone. Understand them. Start caring for them. Expect them to understand you back. Think they like you.Fall for them ( misjudge ). All that permutation and combination.
Its tiring.

For me - having a crush  these days in itself is equivalent to having some eye candies around! Full stop.

I feel like I have no heart left.
Nothing affects me.And I'm Ok with it.
We all have our share of disappointments and broken trusts.
The good thing is I'm not crying over it.Or atleast I'm done hurting.
I realized that the whole point is not to keep too many expectations regardless of who the other person is! That way you cut out all the extra emotional attachment.
Not like you shouldn't enjoy the friendship. Just cut out all that stupid crap.

* Working out madly. Eating healthy food. And focusing only on ME.
Everybody else has taken a backseat.

Into the coffin || No space left.

In my several furious uncanny attempts..

I tried destroying it. Burning it. Forgetting it.

It doesn't go away you know?

It comes back..with even more intensity.

I tried consoling. Convincing. Answering myself.

Questioning more.

Boomerang.

Everything always comes back , except what is really meant to be back. Except what I never threw away. Except what just went away.

The more I tried getting rid of it...the more it came..and the more it destroyed me.

Want it to abandon me.

Devastating.

Like someone stabbed - took away a part of my heart and  left me with with the other half , bleeding.

Bleeding more. Like it would never empty itself out.

I cry. Alone. Jokingly tell others I cried. And I laugh. Almost - alone.

 And then sometimes while I'm driving...I draw the locks of my hair behind my earlobes , turn up the volume , my hands on the steering wheel tapping with the beats - and I tell myself
Its fine. And its over.

Almost suddenly striked down by the fact..that it wasn't supposed to be this way. And I had it already sailed to float away.

 Wasn't that easy , was it ?

It is to be banned from any invitations my memories may yearn for.

There' no space left.

Don't stab it , again.

Things change.

Things don't remain the same.

Sounding synonymous. Meaning different.

Its been an year. Lets just give it , its funeral.

Not tossing aside this time.

Simply cosigning it to the grave.

My heart won't bleed again.

Game theory.

For every gain there is a loss and for every loss there is a gain somewhere. Its a zero sum game.

You want something..you will have to sacrifice something else. You can't have both equally.

Why don't you get into politics otherwise ?

----

Because even in that hate lies a deep rooted love somewhere.
Vulnerable and pure. Unfazed by the layer of loathe.

----

 Yes maybe the best of relations don't need explanations..but if someone questions and you would be questioned only when things are getting bad , why do you need to backfire ?

If someone really cares and doesn't wish to loose you..they will do everything to set those assumptions wrong. They will do everything to assure they have you  all to them self without any doubt.
The moment someone doesn't feel the need to justify ...its all quite over!

-----

After sappy promises of 'being there' and months of dating ..its not called a relation.

Are you fucking kidding me !?

-----

Love isn't a calculation.
But everything after that is math.
This VS that.
Convert every thing said and done into negative or positive points.
Practicality.
Lame blames.
Ex flames.
An algebric equation with increasing variables.
Find x , then y , then z...keep figuring out until you decide its a wrong sum.
Totally wrong. Doesn't fit your logic.
So scrap the entire sum to land up with another puzzle to solve.

-----

Loving and being in love is different. Drastically different.

Loving has various versions...

Being in love. Unmatchable.Unconditional.Unique.Ultimate.

----

Set fire to the rain.

Do not need a breakup , but a heartbreak to know what it means.

---

I too had a Valentine's day!

While there is contempt and in other cases mush regarding having to dedicate one special day out for love , parents , children etc etc..I personally feel such things don't hold any spunk . And I find it cheesy for those who celebrate. Specially Valentine's day.
I'm not one of those who goes by " Each day should be a valentine's day for your lover..."
Nor do I subscribe attaching importance to one particular day.

You love..you will love the same every single day. ( That is if you love. :P )
14th of feb shouldn't solely add any extra weightage to your love.

Having said that..I do not judge my friends who gift or receive gifts from their lovers specially chocolates on this very day.. ( partly because we are more than half the beneficiary of those chocolates :P ) ; to each their way of expressing love or whatever they think it is :|

So apart from taking custody of chocolates..there is the issue of handling bouquets too. Its obvious. You cannot con your parents into saying its a gift from 'friends'.
And it does kill to chuck a nicely decorated bouquet within a few hours from its receipt.
Therefore when my friend said she'll give away flowers to children..I suggested her to visit orphanage. And so we did.

Distributed chocolates and gave roses to some 20 kids in a orphanage near college.

Those kids immediately re-gifted the flowers to their caretaker :)

-- I've been on an over-doze of chocolates for 10 days now. And there's no aruging that chocolates do make you feel happy!
Also , I've observed , no matter which chocolate you eat ; those  home made or rochers or basically any of those expensive ones....at the end of the day a 10 bucks dairy milk beats them all :D

Once divided..nothing left to subtract.

I realized avoiding blogging or  simply avoiding writing made me less sentimental.
I always had this urge to put down every emotion ,  mixed feelings etc.
I didn't feel the need much these days nor did I have the energy to type all of it. Good thing.

But there are some things I want to express because they have been an integral part. Maybe I'm overemotional  - but that's not going to con me from stopping to write.

So you , listen to me now.

I'm dreading the time you will leave. I have been dreading it since the time we have been sipping coffee or eating corn together. Those long drives . Remember the day when you were going to fly to London and I cried liked a stupid ass. We were just friends then , right ? You held my hands , wiped my tears , pulled my cheeks and made me smile. That gesture just did it.

Now that those last few months of being with you are on their verge to end..and time being the bitch for slipping away tooo fast when I want it to just slow down , take a deep breath , maybe have a holiday - I have no clue how to react. How to behave.
Whether to show you my breakable side or to bid you goodbye with a smile.
I know I will see you again , after a couple of months ..maybe an year. But its not going to be the same. And we both know that.
But for now - I don't want to go through this phase. It is challenging. Can't face it. I want this phase to just come and wash away..hide somewhere.

I dreaded making memories too.
How do I subtract my daily routine of meeting you every evening , drinking coffee , being teased with your remarks on my weight , narrating you the stupidest incidents in college of the most interesting breed of friends ?
How am I going to see your reaction when I nod sarcastically on your serious scolding related to my studies ? :D
Who will be by my side the next time I faint in the movie hall ? :P
Who is going to make my day with that absolutely dazzling smile! :))
Code words. Check list. Cheesy talks.
Damn. We had hell lot of fun.

There is no feasible way we can recreate these moments.  I wonder how many years it will be before we would again enjoy such time together. Whether we would , at all.

I recollected so many incidents .Its funny..we don't match. Right from pani puri likings to nachos disliking. From our movie choices to watch obsession.
The very fact that you can cook and me ? ....far ..far away from 'can' cook :D

We even ended up having so many arguments. But you always made a fresh start without even mentioning whatever there was that we fought about , which is why I don't even remember those conversations.

You inspire me. I'm absolutely in awe of your passion and desire to achieve goals. I appreciate how ambitious and focused you are.

I like the fact that I don't run out of things to talk about ; with you. How I'm never uncomfortable except for blabbering slangs in Hindi that you dared me to. :P

Exactly 15 days to go.

I'm going to delete all sad songs from my cell/ipod. They aren't helping my already shrinking heart.
And why on earth did the exams have to collide now ?
How am I going to manage ?

You know how I feel , right ? Its not so much about the separation as much as it about the question of being together , again.
What I'm really happy about is that  - we've made an amazing friendship..
...and I hope distance doesn't dissolve it. ( dreading again! )

I'll try to be good.
Much love.

Extinct theories.

Some concepts don't exist or hold strong ground anymore.

- Platonic love
For someone who believed in platonic love ..lust or as soberly termed 'expression of love' has scalped all such beliefs.

- best buddies do not fight.
They do.
They should not..but they do.
And the fight is usually a brutally cold argument.
Ego is a parasite.

-  Perfect families.
There is no such thing as that.
It might be a by-product of a broken divided family. But then , can you call THAT a  'perfect' family ??

-  Almost everyone hurts you.
Nope. You get hurt , all by yourself.
Cannot go around blaming 'everyone'

-  Love people and they will love you back.
Nature doesn't provide such law.
You cannot force someone to love you back. No matter how many millions you love them.

Kaleidoscope

Do you know what a kaleidoscope is??
You know those toys that are a tube that you look into and see a beautiful design and then you turn it...and it becomes a different design just as beautiful?
Life is very much like it. Just turn it a little and another beautiful picture is there...waiting....
So when you color all your relationships or the future on past relationships especially ones that didn't work out...then you are limiting yourself
So leave that one where it is...and turn the kaleidoscope for the next beautiful picture!

Don't make the person you meet and like...fit the 'your perfect criteria'...make him be the perfect person to grow with...and fit the criteria to him.


One of those wonderful things you ever said to me.
Almost 2-3 yrs back. I remember how I took time to reply and in fact came with no answer.
Today as I'm sitting and reading over the saved conversation...I realize how right you were!!
truth is..that's exactly how it works! I never subscribed to the idea of perfect person. Never had a check list or criteria.And now I totally relate and understand every single word of the most amazing simple things that you said.
I always believed that if I like someone , I'd like them anyhow. Not for any particular set of predefined elements. And am glad that's the way how it has turned out to be.

Sometimes you say yes 

without scratching your head scouting for logic

without judging the consequences

without desperately searching for a reason.

And it gives a sense of relief to be able to do that.
Because at that moment...you know it came straight out of heart.

 I do not know what the future holds. I do not bother. I don't know why I'm doing this.I don't want to know why I'm doing this. Because right now what matters is being together.
And all that matters is to love. without conditions.
Therefore , that's exactly what I'm doing.

my cuppa coffee.

A lot can happen over a cup of coffee.

 

A lot has happened over a cup of coffee :P =)

Lets make it an easy exam.

There is a mysterious force that keeps me glued to you.
That makes you my magnet.
That doesn't let me let go.

No matter how hard I try.

Maybe
I only pretend to try.
Because deep down..
I don't wanna let go.

** My story is not a love story.
My story won't have a happy ending.
It demands not to end.

Strangely its the imperfection that loops me into the cyclone of affection over & again only to be left withered and lovelorn.
 Its the imperfection that drives me more to reach a point of a single moment that is perfect ; perfect bliss.

Unrequited love hurts.But the phenomenon of loving someone without being in love..without having a reason makes my story special.

 My story concludes that attachment is a bad thing to happen & its a tedious task to write off the same.
A disease that has no medication except maybe learning to be immune.

Parallel story tells that time changes things. Time improves them too. And there won't be any hard feelings.
But until then I have to survive an amalgamation of butterflies & occasional heartbreaks.
I have to survive being selfish or being a fool.
I have to survive sailing through a storm. 

And I might not even  reach a beautiful island.I already know that. There are no promises , at all.

But I'm sticking to this because all my resolutions of giving up fail with one step from your side.
That doesn't make me weak. I guess accepting my defeat over you in itself makes it all the more easy. 

 Being so serious was never the plan. Its going to suck later - so why feel the pain in advance ??

I want to regain my humor. My story needs that.

But most of all - my story needs you.

Zindagi Na Milegi Doobara.

I just saw Zindagi Na milegi Doobara.
Its such a feel good movie!
The general perception is ..that the movie is about three friends going on a trip. But its so much more than that.

And no it doesn't lecture you what life is or meant to be. The best part is the movie DOESN'T PREACH.

No major emotional drama.Just a pich of it here & there ..and yet it covers friendship , love and most importantly - life ; without going overboard with any of it.

Loved all the shaayris narrated as background to the characters' foreground.

The movie name says it all.

Just be there.

I am one of the most short tempered person I know of !
My sisters - who happen to be my most favorite people on earth - are way opposite to me.

I've never seen any of them whine , crib or cry .I've never seen them turn pesky over little things.They get along with whatever there is , with whoever there is to deal with.
And they always manage to have that big smile on their face.

It made me really think about myself. Why can't I learn to be calm  ?
Am pretty sure I'll live a 'smiling life' myself if I adopt their qualities.

The good part is that - they adjust with what I am.They have always been extremely supportive and one of the reasons for a smile on my face :)
I'm able to express my opinion to them without any inhibitions , without any fear.
They NEVER judge me.And that's what makes everything much more simpler.
I love them. And I want us to have that same relation and rapport that we share for the rest of our lives.
We are more like friends , after all.

I'm closer to them than mom.

In fact , I do not remember the last time I hugged mom or the last time mom hugged me.

Whereas ,  we just hugged last week.
Tugs my heart. Thanks for being there.

For the Love of...

If languages could be eaten , I'd say English is my favorite cuisine.

I would gobble up all the words and would still be craving for more. Always hungry as I am.

Novels would be the junk food.Spicy & tangy! 

Classics would be like a bottle of Old wine. 

Poems would be like those special servings you try that  you may not always like. 

Idiom and phrases would make up for the dessert :D  Irresistible.


*** I swear I could have EATEN English language if I could.
I know it doesn't make sense but simply put - I turn restless if I do not use proper English.
Not just grammatically correct..I like to keep pace with a perky snazzy vocab.
 
And apart from that...I'm a great admirer of witty one liners.
Oh and how could I forget to mention how much I love to use phrases and idioms :D
I did something funny with those ,  using them in a post based on one of the personal events  -  Every Dog has its day!


There's something so silky about this language.
Actually its like wax..it moulds to the shape you give it --- quite smoothly.

Of course , I love to speak in Hindi just as much.
But for reading and writing..its English all the way!

This post is in fond dedication For the Love of language!
What would the earth be without my favorite cuisine ? :P

Flower-ed

Lil brat , 11 yr old , got a cell phone.
I was particularly concerned about this & quite against too.
But I don't have a say.
Spoil your kids!

So the brainy sweet lil brat chats to me online & tells me about his new cell , gives me the number & then texts me right then "How are you ?"
I had to tell him that we are already chatting ..so there was no need for him to seperately text me and ask how I was.
But it was excitement of owning a cell phone that was driving him to text messages.

I logged off.He texts me after an hour
"You are sweet as a flower"

My first reaction was "WHAT?"
Second : I had to laugh.
Third , to text him back
"Thank you lil brat..I didn't know flowers are sweet :P"

Lil brat : Hahahahaha

:| Ok I need to teach him some chat protocols.Never do the 'hahahaha' Unless something is so insanely funny that it practically has you rolling on floor laughing.
But anyway..I'm sweet as a flower for now :P

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cute Littlest brat , 5 yr old.
Me : You don't like your sister [ me] , do you ?
CLB : I like you..wait..I'll tell how much
Me : mmhmm
CLB : I like you A LOT
..A LOT..
more than the Flower Pot #
Me : 1 > WHAT ???
2 > *Laughing*
3> What ? :|
CLB : yes..you're my fav.More fav than the flower pot
Me : Wait..you're saying you love the flower pot ??
I had to ask that to ensure if the flower pot meant the world to him.It would be a fair deal then :P
CLB : No noo..I love you much much more than that.
Me : no no no..I'm asking if you like those flowers A LOT ?
CLB : Yes..Yellow's my fav color & I like those flowers
Me : Ok
CLB : But I like you more than that.

So between me & a flower pot , cute littlest brat would choose ME.
*applauds*

# By flower pot , he meant the yellow colored artificial flowers.
And yes ..he always has a 'measure' to tell me how much he loves me.Like usually he gives me a number : I like you 3000 crore & I like mom 5000 crore , lol.
Did I not mention he is cute ?

Anyway , at the moment :
I'm sweet as a flower And
I'm liked more than some artifical yellow colored flowers :D
Applaud please!

Normalization

=> I cannot dance like no one's watching.Because even when I'm dancing alone - I look at myself into the mirror which means that I'm watched by someone and that makes me conscious.I just am not able to dance in front of the mirror and its bothering me.The second reason being that I just realized I don't dance so well.Dancing was one of those things I always held high about me and I'm quite shattered to know I'm not so good at it.
Saw the video of my cousin's wedding where I danced.I was terrible.I couldn't believe my hand moments were such a mess.
No wonder why set B of my cousins never force me to dance , lol.
However Set A cousins always drag me to dance and shower a lot of praises ..so that explains why I over-estimated my dancing skills.

=> One of my close friends hops down to Mumbai every weekend & will continue hopping for few months which is making me feel bad.I told her how my weekends are gonna be dry to which she said her weekends are going to be extra dry - only studies.
And then I said "No! Away from home is Rain dance!" :D
I wonder why that didn't make her laugh because otherwise she laughs on every second thing I say , because otherwise we both laugh on every second damn thing.

=> Spilling cold water on face every now & then is refreshing.But brushing teeth in a smilar pattern can also make you feel extra fresh.Sometimes I happen to brush my teeth thrice a day.
Oh and I love how colgate tooth powder tastes.

=> I'm tired of keeping 4 different email accounts.Isn't there a way to merge them all ? Huh

=> Quenched my thrist or my thrist was quenched is the most overused phrase I've come across.Don't we have a substitute?

=> Without falling in love , I understand now what 'Don't change in love , let love change you' means.It basically hold for any kind of love.There's just a simple way to it : Don't frame how you want others to be.
Someone told me this long time back and I could never completely get the essence of it.I'm content that I do GET it now.
To add my theory on it : Save surprises in life.Because sometimes you meet people you never imagined and unknowingly you start fancying them even when those are not the kind you've ever framed in your mind - to be around with.

=> I have created a seperate blog to scribble more to avoid being judged.Its funny how this blog came into existance to be my outlet for expression and now I'm feeling the need to run away to a new place just so that I'm not read.My hideous dwelling is giving me a sense of freedom.There are some things thats cannot be left unexpressed and the kind that you don't want people who already know you..to read.

=> I want to change my blog URL.The other day someone marked 'powerdrunk' is manly , lol.No wonder it scares a lot of people + I wonder why I ever chose that :|
And then I want my Set A cousins to read my blog too which means that some stuff from here needs to be edited , and some more to be shifted to my other blog.

=> I don't think I'll get over the remixed version of the song 'summer jam' ( which happens to be almost a decade old ) even by the time winter is gone.

=> If you haven't read Message Log 4 as yet >> its your loss :P

This is such a non hyper , non depressing post.Normal.I like myself for that.

Eternal Love Observation

One of those things that I've been thinking about since a long time.
Why is it that you call a love story - fictional or real - eternal only when there isn't a happy ending ?

Just an observation.I noticed , be it Romeo & Juliet or Jack & Rose from Titanic or several other on similar platform - their love tale is glorified & studded 'eternal' when it involves pain , the most strikingly visible common element.

Is that what makes love eternal ? A sad end ? The distance ?

I don't remember of any ' eternal' love stories where the lovers live happily ever-after..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm reading New Moon , the sequel to Twilight.

It disturbed me that I cried when the very much in love couple parted ways.
When one of 'em left the other.
This is why I don't like to read romantic novels.I cannot handle the separation.

There's an outburst of rage in case I happen to come across something that leads to betrayal.An urge to kill the guy.

But I hate it when one of the two dies or even WORSE ..leaves for no matter what reason.

New Moon is vividly descriptive.I'm already a huge fan of the author's writing style.She seems to have some kind of power of perfectly using the absolutely right , simple & apt words w/o making the reader sigh to them self "This is all Greek to me!" -
which is interestingly nice.A great write up doesn't necessarily have to be high on vocab but immensely profound in expression AND understandable at the same time!

Although I do feel I'm getting dizzy reading the post break-up state but I can't leave the novel incomplete.That will make me anxious.And being anxiously dizzy is no good.So I'm gonna continue reading it.

On a lighter note , I'll add this message from my inbox

-> A girl was asked the meaning of LOVE.
She replied : Sacrificing the admiration of Hundreds of Men for facing the criticism of one man!

Teen Love

I'm writing bout this topic because one my friend - candy - wanted me to write about it.I'm going to point out examples from in & around my life & not just generalise this.I maybe wrong not because I don't vision it correctly , but because I suck at putting words to my vision.

First of all , Teenage is a phase where we all think we are too mature to handle anything which is a fallacy but it happens anyway.I'll quote another friend who calls it 'misguided zeal of youth'!
Its a crazy snazzy time of our lives where we want to make the most out of gossips , school/college , friends & most of all our crushes.

Love cannot be defined absolutely & its not the summation of attraction , liking , infauation et al.But teenage is that point in life where attraction rules & again its not love.Although it would be wrong to say that there's no such thing like love in teens.
Lets come out of the box.Lets just not relate this with age.Its all bout maturity , trust , faith & that special feeling for that one person in your life whom you want for the rest of your life.
So while most teens are confused & barely know what love means , they take their crush as their love.But you get over a crush once you find another.And so was it love anyway ?

K is a cousin of mine who's just 14 & so madly in love with a girl.And very serious as well.He is a sweet guy who's not one of those flirtatious boy who wants to make as many gfs as possible.I wasn't surprised when he said to me that he wants to marry that girl. Just 14 & he already wants to set his life up with her.I don't know the depth of their relationship, but in his words ..he is in LOVE.

Xyz's a friend who has dated 2 or 3 guys.She never said to me she was in 'love' with any of these guys.She just said she liked them.Didn't work out with any of those & that was mostly because what I think of it as - it wasn't just 'serious' for her.And most of all , it wasn't love in the first place.

M is about 21 years old in a 'relationship' with a 18 year old friend since last two years.
[He dislikes referring her as his 'gf' & I myself find gf-bf words quite shitty*]
He stayed away for more than an year & yet they are together.They give each other space , their freedom & there's a great level of understanding between them.He loves her & said "the first time we met..it just clicked"

There are many others I know who have a parallel story as of Xyz.What I'm trying to say is its not about age..its not just about crush..its not just about liking someone...its more about the confidence in your relationship , its all about being there for each other..its all about trust & faith..its all about LOVING each other which means you won't leave them no matter what.Its all about knowing each other , being loyal , respecting each other's thoughts & its all in the HEART.

What happened with Xyz was that she ended up fighting.A lot of people fall out for the same reason.But thats where your brain works and not heart.Am sure K & M too have those tough times but why have they still been together with their love ?? Because they know nobody can take the place of their love.

If you end up in a relationship with an intention to deceive or just for 'time pass' or just because all others around you are going around - it sure is going to drive you round the bend! But when you have confidence in each other..everything works.
Teens usually just want to take a chance.They may , they may not be in love with that same person but its all upto them.Because its all in the h e a r t.

* gf-bf sounds like you are dating someone just for the heck of it...unpredictable story.When you say you are in a relationship - it reflects confidence..maturity & it says more to yourself than anybody else ..that you truly love that person.


Candy - I might have been far away from the point you wanted me to write bout but this is all I had to say.I shall write a part 2 if you guide me through :) And hun..I'm not guns against you when I've talked of 'teens' nor have I written anything keeping you in mind.You're much beyond your age & far more muture than any teen I know. :P Love sweets!