Is there a way to wring the neck of IRONY ?
I was so superbly happy yesterday & day before..wasn't I ?
And there..just when I've kept it at the last corner of my mind - the irony - it comes to me right when am at my hyper best.
I usually THINK & wonder about happiness & the excitement around it to the point where I turn morbid & conclude something really godforsaken is about to happen in a blink of an eye.I just KNOW it will but meanwhile I do not waste a single second in enjoying my euphoric phase.
And yet..at the back of my mind..there are colors I don't see , there are empty paint buckets that I assume are contained with fresh paint colors.There's a faint restlessness.As if a faded color.Unnoticeable.
It happens often.I'm used to the irony.Something grills me completely, inside out .
This time however , I didn't see it coming .I wasn't prepared at all.
How do you undress disappointment ?
Howe do you undress awkwardness ?
How do you undress excitement ?? Of all the things on earth ..I want to shun away THIS !
How I wish I never talked of X Y Z.
How I wish I never met X Y Z.
The disappointment muffler ?? The one that is wringing my neck right now ?
How come I didn't perceive some colors ?
How come my vision was disoriented ?
How come I do not have a wide view of spectrum ?
How come ...Nothing Lasts Forever ?
How ?
I'm color blind.That's why.
I need a Life.
Paint my life.
Will someone kill Irony ?
I ain't crazy.Almost every color is driving me M A D because I know there are different COLORS but I see the same shade.
Inexplicable.
Showing posts with label Overboard. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Overboard. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
L'il Geezer in Likes
I feel stupid right now thinking of this & quite foolish too.Moreover , I'm both shocked & surprised at the same time and that too over such a small issue.
Ok so the point is that..there are times when having known a person/friend for a long time..you feel triumphant over knowing everything about them..their tiniest likings & dis likings & then all of a sudden they reveal something you'd never known ( no great secret as such ) and you wonder HOW THE BLOODY HELL you didn't know ?!
I felt an urge to ask my friend " Ah , you never told me"
And I could imagine the reply being , "Oh , you never asked me!"
But then..when my friend told me of her likings in things that I thought she was least interested in..I could see a smug on her face.As if she outwitted me. That made it worse.
Damn! 4 years ??? And I didn't know! Such a close friend on top of that!
Anyway it was just regarding novels & English movies , lol.
But I still feel so defeated!
Damn you T !! Damn you!!
Lol! Heck! Its funny I'm bothering 'bout it.
But the lil geezer of the moment is that - No matter how long & well you a person ..there comes a time when you are ready to bet dollars to doughnuts over some aspect of their personality about which you are so confident - that turns its back on you so that you end up losing dollars or doughnuts..as the case may be ! :P
Not always but at times.
I still hate to remember the smug on my friend's face ! Damn you T !!!
Ok so the point is that..there are times when having known a person/friend for a long time..you feel triumphant over knowing everything about them..their tiniest likings & dis likings & then all of a sudden they reveal something you'd never known ( no great secret as such ) and you wonder HOW THE BLOODY HELL you didn't know ?!
I felt an urge to ask my friend " Ah , you never told me"
And I could imagine the reply being , "Oh , you never asked me!"
But then..when my friend told me of her likings in things that I thought she was least interested in..I could see a smug on her face.As if she outwitted me. That made it worse.
Damn! 4 years ??? And I didn't know! Such a close friend on top of that!
Anyway it was just regarding novels & English movies , lol.
But I still feel so defeated!
Damn you T !! Damn you!!
Lol! Heck! Its funny I'm bothering 'bout it.
But the lil geezer of the moment is that - No matter how long & well you a person ..there comes a time when you are ready to bet dollars to doughnuts over some aspect of their personality about which you are so confident - that turns its back on you so that you end up losing dollars or doughnuts..as the case may be ! :P
Not always but at times.
I still hate to remember the smug on my friend's face ! Damn you T !!!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
'Last'...Get Lost!
I do not like anything that has got to do with being LAST.
They say , all good things come to an END.I don't like that either.I'd rather put them on hold than end.But its not always feasible & am the kind of person who gets easily attached to minute things/emotional activities specially when am having a lot of fun.
I loath to hear ' So this is my last day with you' even if its a person I've hardly known ( but I connect with ) or 'Last time I'm talking to you' or 'Last day at school/coll' , although nobody really likes to face the very last day at school/coll.
My heart beats faster.I feel like am losing something.Something huge.To quote the dialogue from the movie Jab we met " Aisa lag raha tha mano koi train chhot rahi ho" I feel as if I not only missed my train but everything in life.I missed catching up my life.I missed something so precious that I don't even remember what it was.
As if I misplaced tickets to a grand fiesta & am the only person who couldn't turn up.
As if I walked into the theatre after the last show is over & hopelessly wonder where everybody is ?
As if my watch stopped ticking & am not even aware of that!
As if someone ransacked my entire room & stole the repository of my lovely memories.
As if I lost my identity.
As if not my watch , but TIME froze.
As if a professional photographer just clicked a blurry picture of what would be the world's most beautiful picture.
As if I'll never be able to spend great time again!
( I could be so dark headed at times )
That particular set of juggling emotions sway me for little time.Then I get back to my normal life.
Enjoying the fiesta with the ones I love to be with!
Punctually reaching a fully packed show.
Repairing my frozen watch.
Re-collecting old stuff.
Spending a much more wonderful time than I did before.
I cannot help but make things too complicated for myself.
I over-analyze almost everything in life.
Some things should be better accepted to remain where they are instead of crying over them for being where they are! Even if it is at its LAST.
Right now all I want to tell myself is "Lets get Lost"
( First heard that on Nat Geo & completely love that liner :P )
Whenever I remember of the last days at school , I'm reminded of one of these dumbo class mates who on our farewell said ( after we were made to bow a 100 teachers & every student's parents ..what back aches , ask me !! )
"Hey what if we flunk even after all these blessings ?"
Lol! As if he was just relying on the blessings.
I'm still grinning ! :D
They say , all good things come to an END.I don't like that either.I'd rather put them on hold than end.But its not always feasible & am the kind of person who gets easily attached to minute things/emotional activities specially when am having a lot of fun.
I loath to hear ' So this is my last day with you' even if its a person I've hardly known ( but I connect with ) or 'Last time I'm talking to you' or 'Last day at school/coll' , although nobody really likes to face the very last day at school/coll.
My heart beats faster.I feel like am losing something.Something huge.To quote the dialogue from the movie Jab we met " Aisa lag raha tha mano koi train chhot rahi ho" I feel as if I not only missed my train but everything in life.I missed catching up my life.I missed something so precious that I don't even remember what it was.
As if I misplaced tickets to a grand fiesta & am the only person who couldn't turn up.
As if I walked into the theatre after the last show is over & hopelessly wonder where everybody is ?
As if my watch stopped ticking & am not even aware of that!
As if someone ransacked my entire room & stole the repository of my lovely memories.
As if I lost my identity.
As if not my watch , but TIME froze.
As if a professional photographer just clicked a blurry picture of what would be the world's most beautiful picture.
As if I'll never be able to spend great time again!
( I could be so dark headed at times )
That particular set of juggling emotions sway me for little time.Then I get back to my normal life.
Enjoying the fiesta with the ones I love to be with!
Punctually reaching a fully packed show.
Repairing my frozen watch.
Re-collecting old stuff.
Spending a much more wonderful time than I did before.
I cannot help but make things too complicated for myself.
I over-analyze almost everything in life.
Some things should be better accepted to remain where they are instead of crying over them for being where they are! Even if it is at its LAST.
Right now all I want to tell myself is "Lets get Lost"
( First heard that on Nat Geo & completely love that liner :P )
Whenever I remember of the last days at school , I'm reminded of one of these dumbo class mates who on our farewell said ( after we were made to bow a 100 teachers & every student's parents ..what back aches , ask me !! )
"Hey what if we flunk even after all these blessings ?"
Lol! As if he was just relying on the blessings.
I'm still grinning ! :D
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
When money weighs relationships..
My grandma says to my super rich maternal uncle " Why do you spoil your health exhausting yourself so much by constantly traveling ? You don't even have a daughter.So what is the need to earn so much money?
Where on this earth did that come from ?? If I reverse the words , all it means is you need to earn money only if you have a daughter ???
:|
I was so angry I wanted to break all the furniture at home.That was just so crap!! And she said it to my uncle?!! :|
Actually that kind of leads to just one single point.Why having a male child is so important.I know generally people these days say that they are not biased about having a son or daughter.But deep deep deep down in their hearts... they want a son!!
Sometime back we were discussing the same issue at home.I honestly put my views & blabbered out ' People want a son..so that they can see him as someone who can take up the business & earn money for them'
My dad almost laughed.
Then he said ,'No kid , a daughter gets married' .marriage again ??.. '& goes away' ..oh yeah blah blah..please finish this up ASAP.I'm just so uncomfortable talking about weddings. 'Parents want a son so that their kid stays with them all their life.Thats plain happiness.But that doesn't mean they don't love their daughter enough.'
My turn to laugh.I chuckled.I know all that.
Albeit I do agree that my father meant it!
But GENERALLY I don't think thats true.Maybe partly true,but not otherwise.
I'm overreacting, I know.But I'm really mad at my grand mom.That was a definite attack on daughter-hood!! And How on this earth can I bear it ??? ..I ??..the world's not so great daughter - but a daughter after all .
Where on this earth did that come from ?? If I reverse the words , all it means is you need to earn money only if you have a daughter ???
:|
I was so angry I wanted to break all the furniture at home.That was just so crap!! And she said it to my uncle?!! :|
Actually that kind of leads to just one single point.Why having a male child is so important.I know generally people these days say that they are not biased about having a son or daughter.But deep deep deep down in their hearts... they want a son!!
Sometime back we were discussing the same issue at home.I honestly put my views & blabbered out ' People want a son..so that they can see him as someone who can take up the business & earn money for them'
My dad almost laughed.
Then he said ,'No kid , a daughter gets married' .marriage again ??.. '& goes away' ..oh yeah blah blah..please finish this up ASAP.I'm just so uncomfortable talking about weddings. 'Parents want a son so that their kid stays with them all their life.Thats plain happiness.But that doesn't mean they don't love their daughter enough.'
My turn to laugh.I chuckled.I know all that.
Albeit I do agree that my father meant it!
But GENERALLY I don't think thats true.Maybe partly true,but not otherwise.
I'm overreacting, I know.But I'm really mad at my grand mom.That was a definite attack on daughter-hood!! And How on this earth can I bear it ??? ..I ??..the world's not so great daughter - but a daughter after all .
There are times when I feel like a liability to my parents , like being a daughter is a liability.But those are just sad-I'm-useless-times which I get over in a couple of hours.I mostly feel that way when I do nothing great & am given everything great.They aren't asking for much anyway.They love me & I love them.
And thats enough to tell me that I'm that one precious pearl of all the pearls strung in the necklace of life.
Cheers to being a daughter!
Sunday, June 1, 2008
The Tribute
I read To Kill a Mockingbird a couple of months back. And I read it again after a gap of 3 months because I didn't follow it well the first time I read it . In fact , it happens with me every now & then. I read any interesting novel or classic , I hurry a lot to finish up reading it . Mostly out of excitement. So I do ignore lots of things , that being the reason I haven't been able to follow some stuff that I read. And for the mockingbird..I don't think I still have answers to all my questions. I mean , yeah I did understand it better than before but I still have too many doubts and issues. Its a classic. So why the hell am I so serious ? Because it is a classic !! Not some Sidney Sheldon crap where everything & anything happens & it really doesn't matter what's what by the end of it . I might not understand the classic yet..but I've got the essence of it. At least a part of it is something I felt in my life & can relate to it . So its not really fully 'bout understanding what you read , its more 'bout being able to apply it in your life & juicing out the crux of your issue. And so far as my story goes..its all for mom !
I felt very hurt because of some major emotional setback . Ok it ain't that major & that's why I'm not even going to state it . Its about complications in relations with people whom I love being with ! Unfortunately , there's not much that can be done now. And I seriously don't want to create any drama just for the heck of it ! All I know is , I bursted out crying after I realized what's been going on. Its a little too complicated to explain so much so that even I'm myself unable to sort it out just to know the reason behind it . But anyway , I know what I felt that time. I couldn't believe I was crying. That day I felt so bogged down that even a pizza & chocolate cake wouldn't have been able to offset the feelings. Mom added her part to it & I had butterflies in my stomach. I always mocked bout her anger , but it seemed like my entire argument-session with her revolved around my eyes . I always said that I look out at things from her point of view but No ! I don't ! I never did ! It was a fallacy on my part & it just broke . I really for the first time ever in my life realized what it was by viewing things from her eyes. All I did so far was looking at things from her angle but not her eyes. Now I know what the little kid in the classic meant by stepping into the shoes of her dad & looking out at everything. [ OK no I ain't so dumb not to understand that phrase ..I know what stepping into some one's shoes means ]
I finally understood her feelings , her anger , her frustration this day because I myself was hurt. I could imagine how much hurt she was when she went through that bad phase of her life. And she still is. Because she is a mom . Because her perspective bout life isn't like my dad. But I don't have any problem with that. She just cannot make herself forget the past & I know why !! That is where I know what it is to be looking at things from someone else's point of view. Its not just about the different interpretation of the issue , but a lot about understanding the feelings on the same front. I have paid a tribute to my mom . No I didn't start learning up cooking which she badly wants me to nor did I make her veryyyy out-of-the-world happy ! But having understanding her correctly & respecting her for the same , is my tribute !!
Ok , a lot being sappy now ! The tribute doesn't mean that things have suddenly changed & I listen to all all all that she has to tell me . It also doesn't mean that I've started behaving differently towards my mom. I'm all the same . We still argue a lot but What makes me happy is the fact that I finally finally realized what it is being my mom . And its making me feel a lot Free as well . Cheers to the Freedom ! though I ....Wonder what captured me anyway ?
And it seems like its been a month of tribute . I paid tribute to my music sir as well. I think I've been doing that since long ..at least every time I play harmonium in rhythm & stupendously ! But that's a sense of Joy that a teacher feels when his/her student performs well. My sir is a poor old man. He is poor that he cannot afford a land line phone connection. He is poor that he manages two meal a day for him & his son & that's all that he wants ! I' never really got to know him a lot personally but the day when he was rejoicing over the fact that I'm his Fave student because I adopt the technicals of music pretty quick & all that jazz...he got a little sentimental & told me that for him life is music & music is life ! There are many music -lovers I've known but none like him who can create a handsome fortune out of his talent ( he's old & poor but a man of extraordinary talents ) & yet has done nothing to coin money. I had an urge to ask him why did he not earn much or why didn't he even ever try to use his talent on a big scale . I did ask him that . He didn't have much to say ..nor did he seem to regret anything. What impressed me a lot was that he wasn't running for money in spite of the fact that he is actually running out of money !! This topic pops a lot many times & he's happy all the time for what he is ! There are few things which cannot be explained & few emotions that cannot be made to emote on paper. And there are few questions which will always be left unanswered. All because emotions cannot be rationalized ! And I respect my sir more & more as each day passes by ..
When I feel bad for and about someone & I step down in his/her shoes to watch out for all that has happened , is happening & will happen. ....& I pay my tribute !
Gifted my sir a cell phone :)
Did you notice , I gave a very calm cool "awwww-so-cute-humble-smile" . lol looks fake , doesn't it ? Did you notice I just smugged ? Only because I'm so proud of what I've done ! But the fact is I ain't all that good ..& let me just put down the bad side ..Sir asked me a hundred times to buy him a cell phone as he could not afford to spend so much amount at one go ! And I ignored his request a hundred times ! I just heard him ..never listened ! Why I did so is something indescribable..I really don't know what made me not do him a little favor for so long ! But I'm amazed by his talent ! He plays the musical instruments Harmonium , Tabla & Flute so fine that you feel as if he has just spell a cast on you ! The mojo of music when he plays the instrument is superb !
There are still many people to whom I have to pay my tribute but I'll do that only when I strongly feel for it because that is when it will honestly come out.There is something really Great about Genuinely offering Gratitude to the people who matter a lot in your life !! And well my tribute to my dad is an on-going process which has to be re-processed since I haven't followed him well lately.
On its way dad ...A Tribute !
I felt very hurt because of some major emotional setback . Ok it ain't that major & that's why I'm not even going to state it . Its about complications in relations with people whom I love being with ! Unfortunately , there's not much that can be done now. And I seriously don't want to create any drama just for the heck of it ! All I know is , I bursted out crying after I realized what's been going on. Its a little too complicated to explain so much so that even I'm myself unable to sort it out just to know the reason behind it . But anyway , I know what I felt that time. I couldn't believe I was crying. That day I felt so bogged down that even a pizza & chocolate cake wouldn't have been able to offset the feelings. Mom added her part to it & I had butterflies in my stomach. I always mocked bout her anger , but it seemed like my entire argument-session with her revolved around my eyes . I always said that I look out at things from her point of view but No ! I don't ! I never did ! It was a fallacy on my part & it just broke . I really for the first time ever in my life realized what it was by viewing things from her eyes. All I did so far was looking at things from her angle but not her eyes. Now I know what the little kid in the classic meant by stepping into the shoes of her dad & looking out at everything. [ OK no I ain't so dumb not to understand that phrase ..I know what stepping into some one's shoes means ]
I finally understood her feelings , her anger , her frustration this day because I myself was hurt. I could imagine how much hurt she was when she went through that bad phase of her life. And she still is. Because she is a mom . Because her perspective bout life isn't like my dad. But I don't have any problem with that. She just cannot make herself forget the past & I know why !! That is where I know what it is to be looking at things from someone else's point of view. Its not just about the different interpretation of the issue , but a lot about understanding the feelings on the same front. I have paid a tribute to my mom . No I didn't start learning up cooking which she badly wants me to nor did I make her veryyyy out-of-the-world happy ! But having understanding her correctly & respecting her for the same , is my tribute !!
Ok , a lot being sappy now ! The tribute doesn't mean that things have suddenly changed & I listen to all all all that she has to tell me . It also doesn't mean that I've started behaving differently towards my mom. I'm all the same . We still argue a lot but What makes me happy is the fact that I finally finally realized what it is being my mom . And its making me feel a lot Free as well . Cheers to the Freedom ! though I ....Wonder what captured me anyway ?
And it seems like its been a month of tribute . I paid tribute to my music sir as well. I think I've been doing that since long ..at least every time I play harmonium in rhythm & stupendously ! But that's a sense of Joy that a teacher feels when his/her student performs well. My sir is a poor old man. He is poor that he cannot afford a land line phone connection. He is poor that he manages two meal a day for him & his son & that's all that he wants ! I' never really got to know him a lot personally but the day when he was rejoicing over the fact that I'm his Fave student because I adopt the technicals of music pretty quick & all that jazz...he got a little sentimental & told me that for him life is music & music is life ! There are many music -lovers I've known but none like him who can create a handsome fortune out of his talent ( he's old & poor but a man of extraordinary talents ) & yet has done nothing to coin money. I had an urge to ask him why did he not earn much or why didn't he even ever try to use his talent on a big scale . I did ask him that . He didn't have much to say ..nor did he seem to regret anything. What impressed me a lot was that he wasn't running for money in spite of the fact that he is actually running out of money !! This topic pops a lot many times & he's happy all the time for what he is ! There are few things which cannot be explained & few emotions that cannot be made to emote on paper. And there are few questions which will always be left unanswered. All because emotions cannot be rationalized ! And I respect my sir more & more as each day passes by ..
When I feel bad for and about someone & I step down in his/her shoes to watch out for all that has happened , is happening & will happen. ....& I pay my tribute !
Gifted my sir a cell phone :)
Did you notice , I gave a very calm cool "awwww-so-cute-humble-smile" . lol looks fake , doesn't it ? Did you notice I just smugged ? Only because I'm so proud of what I've done ! But the fact is I ain't all that good ..& let me just put down the bad side ..Sir asked me a hundred times to buy him a cell phone as he could not afford to spend so much amount at one go ! And I ignored his request a hundred times ! I just heard him ..never listened ! Why I did so is something indescribable..I really don't know what made me not do him a little favor for so long ! But I'm amazed by his talent ! He plays the musical instruments Harmonium , Tabla & Flute so fine that you feel as if he has just spell a cast on you ! The mojo of music when he plays the instrument is superb !
There are still many people to whom I have to pay my tribute but I'll do that only when I strongly feel for it because that is when it will honestly come out.There is something really Great about Genuinely offering Gratitude to the people who matter a lot in your life !! And well my tribute to my dad is an on-going process which has to be re-processed since I haven't followed him well lately.
On its way dad ...A Tribute !
Saturday, May 3, 2008
The Rage Club
I'm getting aggressive day by day. Also the level of my temper is soaring high! I'm growing violent. Just the other day , I was shouting & yelling for apparently no good reason! And sometimes I'm like so hell confused as to why I did what I did ??! I ain't frustrated though.There's nothing going around that's making me sad either. But then , I'm mad @ lil things . I just turn so so damn angry even when it isn't something that should bother me ! But yeah , mum would scold me & then she would say something & behave in a way that really pisses me off. I feel like destroying everything I get my hands on! Breaking the mirror , glass , window. Throwing furniture etc. And since I cannot do any such thing , I usually have to find some other way to chuck my anger. So I burst out crying. Its weird though - to cry when you're not sad but only because you're angry. I guess it happens may be 'coz of the fact that things didn't happen my way. Or someone said something that I never wanted to hear. Or I myself behaved odd. I really am going mad mad mad ! I'm still unable to find out as to why I shouted so loudly so many times earlier ! And it just looks so silly. My mom too wonders what I'm really up to ?!
The last time I was mad , I wanted to write this post then & there at that moment itself. Nevertheless , I'm writing down now. So well as I said there has to be something to chuck away the anger out of oneself , I really thought of creating an anger club. And I got hot name for it - The Rage Club . It would be not just for me but for everyone who is angry & wants to do something violent to get over with the madness ! This club would be a chick one with some chick interiors & strong colors like red & black . People could just come in & break glasses - as many as they want ! There's some real fun in breaking glass . The way it cracks into several pieces , the way it shimmers after breaking , the sound created when it breaks !! It's soothing to mind because when you're mad, you really wish to crush something.You want to break away everything because you cannot break the bones of the person you're mad at ! And hey , I really like breaking glasses but I never intentionally broke any glass till now. Though now I have such plans , lol.
And the club would not be only to break glass. You could even break furniture. Destroy things by crushing them . And most of all , tear pages. Yes !! Have you ever noticed the fact that at any moment when you're angry & you have a book in your hand , you feel like tearing it apart. Like into bits & crushing it . And in fact , you just don't feel like taking such action - most of the time you end up doing so too ! Off course , I would never tear my Sherlock Holmes ' book . I pick up some waste paper instead .
So the Rage club isn't a violent thing in itself. It would be used to destroy things , yes , but that in turn would be done only to destroy your Rage ! And there's no regretting anyway , because when you've really joined this club ( when it comes into existence ) , it would be a justified rage or else why would ya become so violent ?? And yes , when the madness is due to some person , then we'll have a kind of effigy made of sponge so that you could punch it as much as you want! Lol , I wish this is made as soon as possible ! :P
OK , now . The above written part was typed few days ago.Right now I'm calm , cool & collected. But that doesn't mean I'm giving up my plans for the club :P . Actually I thought that the club could have two chambers.One off course , the Rage Chamber & the second one would be the Freeze Chamber.After all the violence in Rage Club , one could swiftly move into Freeze Hour ( that's the name I give to the 2nd chamber ) It would be a place with soft calm interiors in blue & purple , soothing colors ...one could just relax with a cuppa cold coffee or any of those drinks except liquor . With the music playing & a dance floor , you could dance the night away ! This place is to chill out ! A pub as it could be called. I always wanted to have my own chain of pubs ,lol. And this thing goes just next after the Rage Chamber .
Lol , I must be mad to be having dreams of creating anything like a Rage Club , but I do want to. If not for people , at least for myself. I wish I was provided some more space in my new home , I would have made the same thing there itself :P
But till then , I've found a new way to crush my anger. Splashing some cold water , & then moving an ice cube all over my face ( It feels great !!! ) And then , listening to my fav tracks.
Someone once told me that anger is a wasted emotion.It might be. But for people like me who are born-short-tempered , there's no point debating if I should have been mad or not.It happens spontaneously , given to the fact , an unstable mind . So instead of taking any dangerous action in anger or even saying anything that could be disastrous , its better to find ways to chuck anger so that we do not have to regret over the actions taken in a fit-of-rage.
I'm game , my Rage Club !
The last time I was mad , I wanted to write this post then & there at that moment itself. Nevertheless , I'm writing down now. So well as I said there has to be something to chuck away the anger out of oneself , I really thought of creating an anger club. And I got hot name for it - The Rage Club . It would be not just for me but for everyone who is angry & wants to do something violent to get over with the madness ! This club would be a chick one with some chick interiors & strong colors like red & black . People could just come in & break glasses - as many as they want ! There's some real fun in breaking glass . The way it cracks into several pieces , the way it shimmers after breaking , the sound created when it breaks !! It's soothing to mind because when you're mad, you really wish to crush something.You want to break away everything because you cannot break the bones of the person you're mad at ! And hey , I really like breaking glasses but I never intentionally broke any glass till now. Though now I have such plans , lol.
And the club would not be only to break glass. You could even break furniture. Destroy things by crushing them . And most of all , tear pages. Yes !! Have you ever noticed the fact that at any moment when you're angry & you have a book in your hand , you feel like tearing it apart. Like into bits & crushing it . And in fact , you just don't feel like taking such action - most of the time you end up doing so too ! Off course , I would never tear my Sherlock Holmes ' book . I pick up some waste paper instead .
So the Rage club isn't a violent thing in itself. It would be used to destroy things , yes , but that in turn would be done only to destroy your Rage ! And there's no regretting anyway , because when you've really joined this club ( when it comes into existence ) , it would be a justified rage or else why would ya become so violent ?? And yes , when the madness is due to some person , then we'll have a kind of effigy made of sponge so that you could punch it as much as you want! Lol , I wish this is made as soon as possible ! :P
OK , now . The above written part was typed few days ago.Right now I'm calm , cool & collected. But that doesn't mean I'm giving up my plans for the club :P . Actually I thought that the club could have two chambers.One off course , the Rage Chamber & the second one would be the Freeze Chamber.After all the violence in Rage Club , one could swiftly move into Freeze Hour ( that's the name I give to the 2nd chamber ) It would be a place with soft calm interiors in blue & purple , soothing colors ...one could just relax with a cuppa cold coffee or any of those drinks except liquor . With the music playing & a dance floor , you could dance the night away ! This place is to chill out ! A pub as it could be called. I always wanted to have my own chain of pubs ,lol. And this thing goes just next after the Rage Chamber .
Lol , I must be mad to be having dreams of creating anything like a Rage Club , but I do want to. If not for people , at least for myself. I wish I was provided some more space in my new home , I would have made the same thing there itself :P
But till then , I've found a new way to crush my anger. Splashing some cold water , & then moving an ice cube all over my face ( It feels great !!! ) And then , listening to my fav tracks.
Someone once told me that anger is a wasted emotion.It might be. But for people like me who are born-short-tempered , there's no point debating if I should have been mad or not.It happens spontaneously , given to the fact , an unstable mind . So instead of taking any dangerous action in anger or even saying anything that could be disastrous , its better to find ways to chuck anger so that we do not have to regret over the actions taken in a fit-of-rage.
I'm game , my Rage Club !
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Every Dog has its day..
- People forget its an idiom.So no need of considering me a dog or precisely a bitch for that matter.
It's too late for me to write 'bout the joy of having cleared CPT ( CA entrance )
I was on a high specially because I didn't expect to pass.It was a 200 marks multiple choice question exam and the passing marks were 100. Guess what ? I scored 101 :D , lol [ 2nd attempt ]
And since then to whom-so-ever I express my happiness of clearing the exam would laugh or chuckle and show some kind of sympathy for the 101 marks. I obviously would have flunked if I would have scored just 2 marks less. But then instead of exclaiming "wow" - they do the "ohhh"
People had sympathy even when I had scored 96 in my first attempt.And I find that OK.I used to pity myself ! But what I find amusing is that they want to sympathize with 101 marks too ! Its like damned if you do , damned if you don't !
And not just that..some people actually gape when they hear 'bout me cracking the exam. *half shocked half surprised*
Sometimes I'm able to take such reactions because I know that my 12th board exams results were awful ! And I was now the official black sheep of my family.But I didn't know I was so highly under-estimated.
Nevertheless, I had my chance..I just had my day..and now I'm on the prefect track !
I was flying in air that day.And I am still happy.But more than me ,I think my dad's happy! He gives this news to his folks with a lot of pride and happiness.I feel obliged! ;)
Its been a dog's age after something really good has happened as far as my academics is concerned. And I'm getting over with the "black sheep" tag.
But I don't always enjoy the way dad would tell bout me. I don't like that attention.And I definately don't like sympathy.I don't like people who appreciate me just out of formality & are basically not very happy for me. And then there are many dog in the manger ! I really hate those kind of people.They themselves are big time losers , and they want to make everyone the same ! I'm sure they'll live a dog's life.
Honestly I'm a modest person.I'm obviously very happy.But this is just the start .I'm not CA as yet.I don't brag much.I don't like putting on the dog! .I would want all the limelight & attention when I have too many credits by my side.
But anyway,as long as my dad's happy - I'm ok with being praised ( at least till now ).But I'll make every effort not to give him a dog's chance to praise me for more than that I deserve!
And now on the last note - since I've been dogging the dog word - I'd want to talk 'bout the dog - a real dog ( no more phrases and idioms :P ) at my neighbours! He's a real pain. I don't even know what breed it is! What pisses me off is that it never stops barking or at least It HAS to bark when I'm studying or sleeping ! Get the Dog out of my place ! ( = Run the hell out my place you doggie )
:D
It's too late for me to write 'bout the joy of having cleared CPT ( CA entrance )
I was on a high specially because I didn't expect to pass.It was a 200 marks multiple choice question exam and the passing marks were 100. Guess what ? I scored 101 :D , lol [ 2nd attempt ]
And since then to whom-so-ever I express my happiness of clearing the exam would laugh or chuckle and show some kind of sympathy for the 101 marks. I obviously would have flunked if I would have scored just 2 marks less. But then instead of exclaiming "wow" - they do the "ohhh"
People had sympathy even when I had scored 96 in my first attempt.And I find that OK.I used to pity myself ! But what I find amusing is that they want to sympathize with 101 marks too ! Its like damned if you do , damned if you don't !
And not just that..some people actually gape when they hear 'bout me cracking the exam. *half shocked half surprised*
Sometimes I'm able to take such reactions because I know that my 12th board exams results were awful ! And I was now the official black sheep of my family.But I didn't know I was so highly under-estimated.
Nevertheless, I had my chance..I just had my day..and now I'm on the prefect track !
I was flying in air that day.And I am still happy.But more than me ,I think my dad's happy! He gives this news to his folks with a lot of pride and happiness.I feel obliged! ;)
Its been a dog's age after something really good has happened as far as my academics is concerned. And I'm getting over with the "black sheep" tag.
But I don't always enjoy the way dad would tell bout me. I don't like that attention.And I definately don't like sympathy.I don't like people who appreciate me just out of formality & are basically not very happy for me. And then there are many dog in the manger ! I really hate those kind of people.They themselves are big time losers , and they want to make everyone the same ! I'm sure they'll live a dog's life.
Honestly I'm a modest person.I'm obviously very happy.But this is just the start .I'm not CA as yet.I don't brag much.I don't like putting on the dog! .I would want all the limelight & attention when I have too many credits by my side.
But anyway,as long as my dad's happy - I'm ok with being praised ( at least till now ).But I'll make every effort not to give him a dog's chance to praise me for more than that I deserve!
And now on the last note - since I've been dogging the dog word - I'd want to talk 'bout the dog - a real dog ( no more phrases and idioms :P ) at my neighbours! He's a real pain. I don't even know what breed it is! What pisses me off is that it never stops barking or at least It HAS to bark when I'm studying or sleeping ! Get the Dog out of my place ! ( = Run the hell out my place you doggie )
:D
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