Invisible stupidity

One feels small & a little unfortunate for getting trapped in mediocre thinking. For being a victim of society - mainly the 'issues' with society and everything else I only like to describe as 'blah blah blah'.

I mean Fuck it goddammit! The problem isn't who cares or who doesn't nor is it when someone makes a fuss...the problem is why can't we live a sensible lifestyle. Mentally. And culturally too for that matter.

I feel most of the religious sentiments & cultural protocols came into being due to our ancestor's own insecurities. Why it is to be carried & tortured over generations is out of my logic.
And I wonder why nobody breaks it.

Don;t you think its too much rubbish that hovers over our thinking and entire lifetime planning ? It could all be pretty simple. Love & live. With nobody predominately deciding what & whom to love ; nor how to live.

Being caged in ridiculous cultural obligations despite having a comfortable life is the most unfortunate thing. And you would know it only when you were made to go through it.

We are so backward about being forward.

Policy Matters

Its not about 'giving and taking' for me. Its about 'gifting' with 'love'. There's a difference there. Its not an obligation. It comes out of affection. Also , I don't expect anything in return.
And even when I do not gift something to someone close..it doesn't make them any less closer to me. I just haven't found the best for them yet.

I can tolerate liars. I'm a liar myself...a harmless liar.
I just don't like being deceived. I distance myself from people I suspect of deceiving.

I forgive. But I do not forget. And I don't trust again.

I understand my friends cannot always be there for me. I don't hang around like an albatross around their neck for that.

I have an obsessive compulsive punctuality disorder :P I just loathe it when people don't turn up on time.
I hate it when I turn up late too at some rare occasions.
Being punctual  has becomes one of my 'policies'.

Unique Chapter Cases

I had a good time today and in fact this entire week if I rewind back.
*Mom's supporting me to go out of town.She is in fact helping me cajole dad too.Its incredible! I was 100% sure that no matter what...mom's never going to let me go out and there was no point talking to her about it ( I had tried once a couple of months back ) but looks like my sudden interest in cooking , religiously appearing in kitchen & learning stuff w/o making faces is working like magic :P I still cannot believe mom is being so cool about this! And I also can't believe that I am actually enjoying cooking.Its easy! The problem with anything that appears easy to me is that I want to do so much in one day that which I wldn't otherwise for an entire year.I just cannot wait to learn to cook different cuisines! Mind blowing , on my part.I'm surprising myself a lot these days.

*I watched a good movie after a long time - 2012
When D-tune asked me how I found it , I said "Good good..the graphics were incredible.They could have done something with climax though...and you know.."
D-tune : You're talking about graphics ?? And you have a problem with the climax too ???

She only meant that I could answer the question in one simple word - Good or Bad.
But I cannot resist on giving a detailed account of how I find a movie :P
Actually..this is one of those things one should avoid asking me.
I remember I'd watched 300 and Awin asked me how I found it .My reply was "Oh well..Its very violent..Great though..I loved it..but you know..this and you know that.."
He too then joked/mocked/teased ( whichever of the three it was ) that why couldn't I simply answer good or bad ?? Watchable or not ??
Now How do I explain everyone that I simply suck at answering 'How was the movie?'
Even worse ..I find it difficult to tell my top most Fav movies ! I never have an answer for that :| Mind blowing! And all I was planning was to join a Film Institute :P They'll chase me out of there the moment I tell them I don't know what to answer to fav movie! Chapter case.

*As for today , I went out with Tez ..where where...to a temple :P She had asked for some mannat relating to her health or exams and as far as I know you are never really supposed to tell what you've asked for in return of what as in the mannat , isn't it ?? I don't know much.All I was asked was to accompany her to temple.My focus majorly remained on the food.What we are going to eat and where.So although I insisted her on going to Bistro to have sizzlers ..we finally ended up in an okyaish restaurant just next to the Bistro.And then began the great journey of deciding what to order.I told her that we could still move out of there and go next and binge on sizzlers.But she said that since we have already taken seats and drank water , we sld order something.I thought..this girl thinks so much - so much for the restaurant owner/manager and waiters.How much was it going to matter if we walk out anyway ? Talk about being polite.

So then we ordered Tea.I first said Tea , then coffee and then tea again.After 15 mins..I asked her if it was better to order something here itself and not change our destination ? Both of us were confused.Both of us were OK with whatever the other one said.And so none of us could decide what to do.I found that entire confusion so funny :D Then finally , we both settled for the same place.As it is I didn't carry much cash and Bistro would have cost me 5 ccd cold coffees.
What we ordered next and ate has definitely turned into a sizzler in my stomach.South Indian ( Dosa ) + Amercian Choupsey followed by tea and then pani puri. What a combination! Mind blowing :P

But all this is nothing compared to the talks we had.I laughed crazily and I love it and miss it.While laughing ..I spilled the tea over me :P which only assured me that I drop or break things I get my hands on! Amazing! I do it as a ritual.
Ritual reminds me ..I asked her if she said/asked for something when she prayed in the temple and she gave me a look as if inquiring if I had been to a temple for the first time.Yes , she said and asked me Why , very skeptically.
And then...here we have another chapter case.
I don't usually ask for anything.I go BLANK , I told her.

lol ..we must have laughed so much on that :D But its true..I really go blank.
I completely forget my sole purpose of praying - to transfer my list of wants and needs mentally and spiritually to the one who is listening.But its not like I don't have any recorded message playing in my head.
I join my hands , close of eyes and I chant 3-4 verses of everyday prayers almost 3-4 times.
lol...its not sounding funny now that I'm writing about it but when I told Tez about my praying techniques - She laughed like a maniac.And so did I.
I mean..seriously.What is it with me ? I'm obsessed with repeating verses.Simple ones.
"Tvame-va Mata" Or "Vakratund Mahakaya"
I have this whim that if I don't repeat those chants..I will be cursed.It happens automatically.I just cannot stop myself from being a tape recorder.And I don't mind it + I don't think its a problem to God if you go on saying the same verse again and again instead of practically praying for something.

I loved every bit of the time I spent today.Was fun.The best thing about Tez and my friendship is that we NEVER run out of things to talk about.When we used to go gym together , someone once said to me "both of you seem to be here only to work your JAWS out" :P
Sometimes we happen to discuss the same things if neither of us have anything fresh to mention but I never get bored , nor does she.
Its the same with D-tune and me.In fact , with D-tune I have a unique equation.Our tastes in reading , movies , songs are almost similar.Mind blowing :D
These two people have been helpful in keeping me Sane.Tankoo Tez and D-tune :P

Join the admirer club!

Success can be attributed to Luck.
Holding onto that success & carrying it forward is attributed to Hard Work.

Now that's the BEST one I've heard in a long time regarding Luck Vs Hard Work!
And that too coming from Shaahid Kapoor !

I admire that man more than I ever did.Yes yes yes..I love the chocolate boy he's been playing on screen.I love him generally for his cute looks & for his great acting + dance talents.
But I've never been a HUGE dying FAN of him or any celeb for that matter.
I'm mostly an admirer.

I love such people.Genuine.You can easily make out which one of 'em is!
Its pure co-incidence that I've been coming across Shahid's interviews & I really am paying attention to the things he says.
Few days back , when he was asked something related to Kareena ..I guess something referring to her making muddy comments on him ( I didn't hear the question properly ..he looked too cute in his glares & gelled hair for me to concentrate on anything else )
He very honestly ( I feel so ) , candidly & w/o being too modest said that he wished Kareena all the best for her life & sweetly added that 'people' must care & focus more about their work & life than giving statements.

I was like wow! This guy's got guts to call a spade , a spade! I just don't remember the exact words..maybe I will find them up soon..but the way he said it made sense! And I felt like giving Kareena two tight slaps for even thinking of another guy while the best damn guy was right next to him!! ( Nothing against her except for this one bloody fiasco she's made )

Poor her!

Perplexed Puzzle

I'm a puzzle.A wandering puzzle.A refugee.I take a dis comfortable place very comfortably in the lives of perplexed souls.As of now..I'm frequently visiting Namarta alias Sugar cube.She thinks I like her a lot but I'm unable to explain her that she is the one who invites me almost unknowingly.I come & stay as a guest.I remain for as long as she wants me to be with her.I like to irk her. I'm more than just a jigsaw puzzle.I'm not pieces.I'm cut into a hundred parts after my arrival.

Sugar cube loves to have me at times.Its fun for her to solve me.To dissolve me.But when I return , I bring along my peers.More puzzles.Sugar cube liked solving me , no ? So I thought she would like to have more of our species.But she detests.However we are not the kind of guests who fancy being ill-treated.Either solve us or bear the complication of having us.We do not disappear until our host finds a solution.

I'm a strong puzzle.But I like to come in packages.Sometimes I hoodwink.I'm assumed to be my distant relative - confusion.I like being under the wraps & I do not reveal myself until the confusion stops making sense.I'm no saint. I'm no devil either.

I come by my own will but I do not go by my will.I'm a twisted loop.A spring waiting to be stretched until it looses its elasticity.Its difficult to get rid of me but am not very difficult by myself.A calm , cool , collected creature won't spun me around & chuck me out in the garbage.Did I not tell I'm strong ? Powerful.I cannot be destroyed.I can only be solved.

Talking of sugar cube ...she has jacketed me with a trench coat of restlessness.I come as a puzzle & she makes me more of a puzzle.She now knows she is not just confused.I turned her into a battered creature.Numb she may be but I still silently hurt her.Its not my fault , really.What am I ? Just a Puzzle.Not a complication.Not a confusion.I can be solved.Don't make me eat your sorrow.Don't make me drink your anxiety.That's none of my business & yet again lemme warn you - don't leave me unattended ;)

I sleep when she asks me to go away but am still near her. I hang around her to remind her I'm still a part of a larger puzzle she already owns - Life.

She thinks she solved a young puzzle chum of mine .She cannot take the credits for that though. The young fellow had other interesting lives to attack.So the puzzle went away.She did not scare him away. She was disturbed two-three days back & I take full charge of that.Yes she can rightly blame me! Of the two things that bothered her - she has decided not give a damn for one of the two & for the other , she's talked heart-to-heart with her plum cake.All good.

I 'm observing - someone painted back a faded color for her.That resulted into her forgetting me once again.I'm on a break till the time the color is fresh.

Btw , I also happen to see that she has got a new haircut which is nothing short of a disaster.However I'm baffled , really , me - the puzzle - is baffled that she did not cry at all.No wonder how she is habitual of having terrible haircuts.Of what I remember I also saw a silhouette sitting on the staircase - staring the window - her head hung down & her palms pumping her cheeks.She did cry a little after all.
I'll be back my dearest battered sugar cube.Stay puzzled.

Puzzle , oh dear puzzle! You're funny mate! I'm waiting to kick your ass once again.

L'il Geezer in Likes

I feel stupid right now thinking of this & quite foolish too.Moreover , I'm both shocked & surprised at the same time and that too over such a small issue.
Ok so the point is that..there are times when having known a person/friend for a long time..you feel triumphant over knowing everything about them..their tiniest likings & dis likings & then all of a sudden they reveal something you'd never known ( no great secret as such ) and you wonder HOW THE BLOODY HELL you didn't know ?!
I felt an urge to ask my friend " Ah , you never told me"
And I could imagine the reply being , "Oh , you never asked me!"

But then..when my friend told me of her likings in things that I thought she was least interested in..I could see a smug on her face.As if she outwitted me. That made it worse.
Damn! 4 years ??? And I didn't know! Such a close friend on top of that!

Anyway it was just regarding novels & English movies , lol.
But I still feel so defeated!

Damn you T !! Damn you!!
Lol! Heck! Its funny I'm bothering 'bout it.
But the lil geezer of the moment is that - No matter how long & well you a person ..there comes a time when you are ready to bet dollars to doughnuts over some aspect of their personality about which you are so confident - that turns its back on you so that you end up losing dollars or doughnuts..as the case may be ! :P
Not always but at times.
I still hate to remember the smug on my friend's face ! Damn you T !!!

19 = 16

19 = 16 >> I'm all the same @19 as I was when I was 16.So I feel 16 only.I was & am a short-tempered person.Loved dancing & still do but nowadays I've become conscious of it.I'm no less lazier.' More of a movie critic than before.I HAVE to read reviews by diff critics of every movie releasing every week.Then I watch the movie if I feel its worth it.Then I have my own opinion about the movie.When someone asks me 'how's that movie' , I give such mixed complicated answers that they swear never to ask me such a thing ever again , lol.

I'm a sucker for English & I think from when I was 16 till here , there has been a change in my writing skills.Am definitely not good at decorative writings but I'm happy that I've improved over the years.My English sucked in school.And I don't know how the change began.I never deliberately made an attempt in improving my English..it just seems to have happened by itself over time :) I'm thankful to Donna for putting me into the habit of reading! I'm thankful to school friends who've been an inspiration to me as far as language is concerned.
The funny part is my father still thinks that I'm very poor in English.Probably because we do not speak much in English & of course he hasn't read much of what I write anywhere.The funniest thing about this already funny part is whenever I try to prove dad that I'm not so very bad with my language skills - I create blunder.I'd give the wrong meaning , I'd use the wrong words , I'd pronounce absurdly.I feel irritated then.My cousins too seem to have under-estimated me.But sometime back they complimented me for the testimonials they read which I'd written.And that too in front of dad ;) :D One of the heavy burdens on my shoulders just evaporated :))

I was & am an introvert.Its not that I do not have much to talk about , I just don't like to talk crap.And there's just so much of it people talk of all the time.Discussing movies, music , shopping , books is on the top of my list.Apart from that anything interesting going around the world attracts me.As far as little gossips of local scandals are concerned , I listen ; mostly avoid ; rarely comment & always try to forget.Why to keep such trash in head ??
I'm shy too.I always was.Thats the reason I do not have many friends.You've really got to be outgoing if you've gotta make friends.This is one of the things I'd really like myself to be.But I won't make a desperate attempt - It fits perfect when it happens naturally :)

I'm & was an average student but have the potential of being intelligent ;)
Smartness is something you evolve with in time if not naturally talented with it , isn't it ?
I feel special.Sometimes I don't when I realize I do not have too many friends & the fact is Life is Great when your Friends become family & family become Friends :)) - I read this somewhere , whosoever said that is abs right!
I feel special for having a special father & brother .They are the two most important people in my life.They always were.Mum's my mum , so she's special too.I have few special friends & cousins too.

I do not want the equation [19 = 16] to remain constant i.e say when I'm 22 ?
22 =19 =16
I want to see myself as a much more confident , outgoing , cool headed, intelligent , beautiful , fashionable person who knows how to keep herself happy ALL the time.
I want to be around extremely genuine , & selfless people ( inclusive of little selfishness which everyone is embedded with )
I want to travel more , be rich to live a comfortable life , utilize every second of my life & make it special.
I would like to learn lots of foriegn languages too.I'd continue reading great books & make friends.
I want to be as fit as a fiddle.
I'm looking forward to encounter & enjoy the variables of my life's equation.
Good luck chicka!

Chicka - Spanish for Girl :P