Can you define ?

 And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

These are the lyrics of a song.And I can so fit them @ how I feel right now.

I'd been to my college few days back with some of my 11th 12th grade friends ( who were with me in the same coll back then ) And it felt weird - Not nostalgic or that sense of deja vu..since I rarely ever missed my coll -  but something strange.

Being together at a place with the same people I'd once been with - felt odd.
Like I said..I never missed my coll but these strange feelings were making me sappy and yet I did not cry.Not even after coming back home. 
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming.

And although so far I've never really said that I 'enjoyed' my to-be-called-high-school-days , I cannot deny I had an amazing time.Only that I never wanted to agree that my coll & coll friends weren't that bad.. 
Or ( Can't fight ) the moment of truth in your lies

So many 'events' flashed by my eyes as I strolled in the corridor.Plus when my friend added..."Ah ..is this our coll ?" I could actually feel myself virtually fainting.Yes this is dramatic.But you know how it is..like they shoot in movies ? The scene where the camera angle rolls round or goes slow into a direction..showing shades of sepia or black and white and the sound of the voices are suppressed and echoed - the kind which you hear when your ears are blocked.I was experiencing almost the same.
 When everything seems like the movies

I remembered everything.
French class.Exams.Gossips.Scandals.Friends.Canteen! My debacles at chem lab.
Bunking practical for auditioning at Radio Mirchi where of course I never got selected. 
Tutions.And tution mates.Rain! Accident.
Oh so many things! Important or not.Just so many goddamn things!

Its amazing how brain works sometimes.It never lets you forget things that are going to bitterly twist the insides of your stomach and heart only to emotionally paralyze you for few hours.
It hurt me.All these things..
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

Heck.I cldn't belive I never looked back and thought about these things.It was as if I let it all go after waking up from a long dream.Not done!

Maybe now I understand why I feel odd every time  -

I see an empty campus ( meomory associated with my exam centre )

Or when I hear some particular song .( Memory associated with the times when I used to hear those songs)

Weird weird weird!

Can someone define something which is not nostalgia OR Deja Vu..but is very much inclusive of re-visiting old memories and at the same time not badly-missing-those-days / moments ..but still being hurt just by remembering them ?!