Unfriending.

I'm too blunt and open.
I display my emotions rather easily even if I avoid it to my best.
Specially if am upset or irritated.

But I hardly speak up. I hardly express the 'why' part. I hardly share.

Maybe that sends me into the depress zone for too long ... yet I find it much comfortable than having to TELL people where they have been at fault.
You never explain friends , do you ?
Plus the last thing you want is an explanation in return !

Its not that I keep too much expectation..but a little gesture can change things. Can change feelings.

And I believe...saying that you care is NEVER enough.
If you do , show it!

They call it -  giving space.

 I call it - taking for granted.

No, I call it  - YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL !

And despite this rant..I'd never go and complaint.

...Burning all my mute ire over calories.

Vintage.And mad thoughts.

Too much has been going on in and around me. So many things in my head...the mashup made me not want to express any of it , at all.
But I certainly made some theories. At least so I could scribble them down!

Apart from that..the excitement quotient has been quite down.
Like doing absolutely NOTHING special for a VERY dear friend.
Or not really catching up to the vibrant energy at Hard Kaur's concert.
( She's rocking btw! )

I enjoyed the 'vintage' part of the month though.
Visited my aunt's ancestral home which is about 150-200 yr old. Needless to say...its beautiful.
Thick walls keeping the home so cool , wooden furniture , small windows with colorful glass , some portions of the house which I could describe as 'window-walls' , the 'tijori'.
 Every room on the first floor lead to the ground floor by separate staircase! And outside every room was a terrace!
Even though the house was built such a long time back..the architecture and design of the home is amazing. There were rooms inside rooms. Thin long corridors making it up for a perfect 'bhul bhulaiyaa'

The peace which one feels by being at such places is inexpressible. The house smells like  heaven.
And they've had quite a history. 50 goons had attacked few decades back and stolen a lot of jewellery and cash. Plus killed one of their grandfather.
There were swords hanging in the hall.Kinda gave an eerie feeling.

Moving onto some of my thoughts...

- You get mad because you're possessive.
And then you get much more possessive because you realize you are getting mad about this new found possessiveness.
..which makes you madder :P

- If you ask me did I forgive  ?
Well I would only say - unless someone feels sorry .. you do not even have the option to forgive!
Its easier to chuck it and not burn over it. Because maybe you keep fighting against forgiving and forgetting...but the person in question might have already scrapped you.

- Its good to be quiet. But the constant urge to tell someone something or let them know how you feel and yet knowing they would never 'get' it ...makes things difficult.
Some things cannot be explained. Some things do not deserve an explanation. They are only to be understood by oneself!

- There are times when you don't know what is right and wrong. You don't know which sides to take. But you ought to choose. Its a cocktail. Best thing then is to let things be and not try too hard to change any of it. Or derive too much from it.

- Maybe you loose friends to make space for new ones.

Thats all for now.
 Friends complaint  I 'think' more and do less.
I guess I should not say everything I think.

But even then...I finally sang in public. Ok not really public. Half of the batch was not even present.
But I did sing.

....To a romantic hindi song!
 Damn.

( I was criticized for  singing a hindi song. I usually sing English songs at college to a restricted audience. Sometimes even during classes :p )

23.

This post here , deserved to be on my page out of obligation. Coz there's one with descending numbers through the Feb of previous years.

I've turned 23!
And no..I do not choose to convey this more excitedly by express communication of fireworks or applause - in the form of 5-6 extra exclamation marks. Or even putting it across in stars.
I refrain from exaggerating like a hyper kid.

Ironically friends had planned fireworks to celebrate for me.
It is so damned ironical.
Although that plan had to be dumped due to lack of time! So technically it never happened.

My first surprise was - A treasure Hunt! And where do you think they organized it ?
At a MALL! I was hopping from one shop to another for about an hour with 11 clues to crack. Every time I collected my clue from the cash counter of the specific shop , I was greeted with roses and wished teasingly. The friends had requested the cashiers to wish me in different names. :P
Fun it was.


One hour was a little too much though. My friends believed I had turned dumb on my bday. I wasn't GETTING the clues at all! :D  My excuse was that I was darn tired which was reasonable since I attended 2 weddings back-to-back and landed just on the bday eve :P

Second surprise. Well , lets just call it a shock. What do you do when one of your best friend proposes you ?? I suggest..always stay calm! Wise of me to not react. I mean ofcourse I was dumb founded. Totally frozen. I said nothing. Obviously there wasn't going to be a 'yes' from me. However managing a 'No' was getting difficult too.
But guess what ? It was a PRANK. ( thank God!)
A prank that really killed me.
Who does such things on bday dude ? Too much senti-awkward it got later.

A nervous dinner is what I had. Clock ticking too fast. And home calls. Even on bday . Grrrr !
Turning 23 felt rushed. It doesn't sink in. You have fun but you don't know how to enjoy.

Wedding posts shall remain pending.
I'm too cold. I'm too cold-hearted ; Arvy says sometimes it seems it doesn't even beat.:P
I say maybe.
Zombie ?
a Zombie who still gets hurts you know.
Zombies are supposed to be brainless too.

End of discussion :P

140 km/hr

I love to drive my micra :D
Got a chance to drive on highway again. And this time I scampered at a speed of 140 km/hr.
That's the max speed I've been able to dart at.
And it was awesome :D

 An  instant plan made for a day trip. Instant with my circle would mean a plan made ATLEAST 12 hours before its commencement :P
I'd almost given up at a point. It was a bit annoying to coordinate with everyone. Calling , deciding , confirming , de-planning , almost cancelling ,  re-deciding , confirming , informing! :o
Eventually we all made it and am glad we did!

The place we landed at isn't too amazing. A lake and temple is all we had. A lake where having fun was restricted to paddle boating :P 
But with a bunch of crazy friends , every place is fun.

Last sem. The very last sem. 
 Hopefully I'd have better things and such trips to write about than the crap I've put up in last one year.

------

There are always some issues in family. I think the person I take for granted the most is my mom. If she wants to vent .. if she wants to share... if she's mad and hurt...she would talk about it to me. Not the kind of talk where I console or offer any advice. The talk where I listen. The talk where she is HEARD.

Often I'm too busy in my phone , tv , newspaper to not hear a word she says. She would complaint about it and I'd try recollecting whatever little my ears catch. That's hardly compensating. Soooo taking for granted.

I've never had a very friendly relation with my mother , nor did I attempt at having one. It was long clear to me we wouldn't have that sort of rapport. And I've been OK about it. But ignoring her is wrong. Ignoring her is a sin. Coz it doesn't matter how much we share or not , doesn't matter how much I might have upset her previously and how much she upset me... what remains is - she is my mother who cares for me like no one other.
Strangely , sometimes my close friends share a better communication with her.
 It makes me feel so guilty.

Realizations though are good. Better late than never.

-----

I keep saying I'm or precisely - have grown heartless. Aky says its not possible. I pondered about it and yes maybe am not. Because I haven't been rendered emotionless.
So I figured there's a part of me , a part of my heart which was capable of feeling strongly has gone in limbo.

That explains everything else.

Why am not that over excited kid. Why I don't get a rush. Why am smiling but people sense something else and so on.

Although the best effect of this semi-dead heart is that I don't think much.  I don't form opinions , the philosophical dos and donts of life and I take everything , the good or bad - equally well.

I don't say bye.

You know I hate that part. The goodbyes. It really kills me.
Whether its me leaving the people I've spend time with which always seems like a dream.. or it is these people leaving me all alone at home after a week full of fun.

I didn't enter my room last night. I was dreading I'll end up crying. And when I cry.. I cry like a baby.  Yeah it feels bad..but aren't we too old to cry for such things ?

I handled it well though. Its a feeling. It'll pass.
My heart isn't heavy and sobbing.
 Its like am sedated.

I would have patted myself for being a little emotionally stronger . Its a good thing. It is something thats coming to me after a long long time. *smugs*

Last year ? Flew by , as usual.
Friends and fights. New friends. Wedding. Cousins.
Family politics and crap.
Usual except for the feud.

New year resolution : Just one.
Work out . Work out. Work out.
 Thrice more than before. Specially because I didn't stick to it for most of the year.

Risks and innovation. Such heavy title :P

If you write for a tough exam & do not get the right answers .. You feel bad.

When you write for an unexpectedly easy exam ... and yet make blunders. You feel worse.

But

When you write for  Financial Risk Management exam which goes well & 70% students think it was lollipop...

You just don't know how to feel!

Such exams are meant to be tough.

Now if someone asks me to just shut up and be happy that I did not make any intolerable silly mistake..

 I'd only say : RELATIVE GRADING SYSTEM.

When the probability of scoring good marks of everybody including myself  is more - it wouldn't help my pointer any bit.

Also , I've set a pattern in writing exams. No matter how much I study or how well I do - I end up screwing those very questions I feel I could write the answers of , in a blink of an eye.

------

The word 'brave' has a new meaning for me. Experimenting with my hair.

The volume of my hair is already half of what it was before - thanks to the smoothening treatment. And after 6 months of marathon..I've finally been able to reduce the hair fall.

However the condition of my hair is bad. Despite that ,  I want to smoothen them AGAIN!

Thats brave :P

 I do like them wavy with curls forming towards the end.

But I cannot have a bad hair day everyday. So its decided!

Am at such lack of words and originality of thoughts..my hair is all I could talk about right now.

Anyhow , its been pending to put up this 'Project report' I made for a friend as a bday gift ( along with a really sexy clutch that I gave her )

A little background : She's fat super-healthy. She is beautiful. She's a true Punjabi :D

She hates college. She never made a single presentation herself. And her attendance-deficiency cost her detention from appearing for few papers in TWO sems :P

 

MBA

PROJECT REPORT

on

 “The loveliest craziest bold & beautiful Luvooo ;)”

By:

XYZ College.

A report submitted in partial  fulfillment of

MBA Friendship Program

For Birthday celebration 2012!

Under Guidance

Namrata

Submitted To:

Miss Loveleen

Please Note

This report is subject to market risk. Please read the document carefully and in full Humour.

No offence intended.

Acknowledgement  .

Special thanks to :

( All the friends )

INTRODUCTION

 Miss Loveleen  urf Luvza urf luvo urfo Looooveleen urf Loveleena urf Lovely! ( Yeah nobody gets it right in the first place!!! )  was born on 24^th November 1989.

Earth owes  2% of weight to her since then ;) :D

She was a good student until XYZ college happened to her.

And ever since then…Loveleen went downhill.

But she still managed to  survive the great torture --- thanks to her wonderful friends!

( Sorry , I just had to take some credit! :P)

Objective :

·      The objective of this report is to take Loveleen through the ups and downs of her 1.5 years of fun and frolic with her new friends at the college she hates the most :P

·     Secondly this is a memorabilia of some ROFL jokes made on her. ( No offence baby!! )

·     Her extremely caring friends intend to give her some tips on weight reduction ;)

·     Present a Gift list that will be converted in real gifts when her friends start earning some hard cash ;)

AAAAANDDDDDD !!! 

Ofcourse…this report celebrates  Her birthday!!!

Research

 The  research on gift list is based on the experience of her friends since the time they are with her.

1.    She is a shopaholic! So it goes without saying..the first things to top her gift list would be :

Louis Vuitton bags and clutch!! :P

           2.    Nailpaints. Like hundreds of them!!

Of shades APART from RED! :D

3.  FUNKY Footwear!

 This is the kind of stuff she likes : ---- >

With flowers and sparkle on them.!

Her friends would however gift her something of this sort ;)

Sexy and stylish :P

4.Clothes. Lots of clothes. BUT that would be gifted only if she reduces weight which she won’t

 => so no gift :P  ;)

5. Now lets get onto the weight tips. So the next gift would be….

:D

And then who knows..Loveleen might get offer to endorse the same product!

Or be the brand ambassador of Talwalkars or VLCC ;) :P

( Shhh..the weight reduction would be a secret ;) )

6. Luvs is a masterchef!

She loves food…so her friends would love to gift her a special dinner at a 7-Star hotel. :P

( No harm in dreaming na  ;) )

Ok..Enough about weight and clothes ..here’s some

FOOD FOR THOUGHT. Hope it makes you smile :)

1.  The only way to look thin is to hangout with fat people.

2.  Calories are small devils which always enter your wardrobe in your absence and sew your clothes.

3.  I was on diet from last three weeks and all I lost are three weeks.

4.  God if you can't make me thinner, make the world fatter!!

5.  I keep on trying to lose weight, but it keeps on finding me.

6.  I was meant to be thin... But god sewed me up wrong.

7.  The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

8.  You don't lose weight; you just look thinner from a distance.

9.  Joining a fitness club is a good idea, but only if you go to it. Just remember: the club has only one guarantee, that you'll pay a monthly fee.

10.              I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

11.                People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.

12.                Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.

( found somewhere on the internet )

The one thing she would LOVE to see.

Attendance Register :

( From the start of the sem till the end )

Subjects .       

1. Retail Mgmt                    P P P P P P P P P P P P P P

2. Brand Mgmt                   P P P P P P P P P P P P P P

3. S & D                                  P P P P P P P P P P P P P P

4. Service Mgmt                P P P P P P P P P P P P P P

5.IHRM                        P P P P P P P P P P P P P P

6. T & D               P P P P P P P P P P P P P P=

7.PMC                  P P P P P P P P P P P P P P

8. HRP                  P P P P P P P P P P P P P P

Note :  The possibility of this is directly proportional to the thing called MAGIC.

:D

And here are the  statement that make for some ROFL jokes.

·      When Loveleen doesn’t come to college…it is MASS BUNK :P

·     Sare Sardar show off rehte hai ;)

·     Double roti

·     "new folder kaise banate hai ??”

·     “Excuse me waiter…One onion and NIMBU please”

·     “ We went to COAL” ( KOYLA :P )

Wish you a very very happy birthday! Keep smiling that gorgeous beautiful smile.

Stay sexy! :D

And eat like there’s no tomorrow :P

 Who cares about the weight ;)

 Followed by Messages from others

*I made it in flat one hour.Could have made structured it better had I got the time.

She loved it though ;) :P

A tinge of relief. A version of happiness.

The hard to find happy..

When mom understands me and consoles me. Even if it means not fully supporting me.

When I cook American Coupsey 'with readymade sauce' and my sister says..it was awesome.
Even though we both know it wasnt a big deal.

When I make someone happy on the day they expect the world to treat then like a celebrity.
Surprises can steal hearts.
That big broad smile on my friend's face.
Even though I hadn't been too good to her.

When someone understands the sound of your voice in texts.
Even if you think they don't care for you.

When you can comfortably laugh with you friends about your issues no matter how severe they may be.
Even if it doesn't allow any solution.

When I'd let go.
And my friend returns.
Even if it means it will never be the same.

When you start ignoring statements and situations that turn you into a nervous freak. That upset you. That don't let you be normal.
Even if it may mean...the strategy could fail at any point.