There was a time , say almost an year or two back when I used to dread festivals.
It would only mean being stuck up in home , and doing just about nothing.
Physically present in a pretense of a happy environment.
And yet mentally fighting with the loneliness.
Festivals are meant to be 'celebrated' together.
Not when one of your parents prefers watching the TV or say is least interested in forming a little social circle.
When another one of your parents is busy doing the household chores.And is upset to be holding onto the routine even on this day.
So what do you do ? Deck up and sit quietly. Or watch TV.
So much for the chores that you are not good at anyway.
I don't think that's anybody's idea of celebration or festival.
I don't feel you can celebrate alone.
So what's changed now ?
The relations with the extended family. A little much to do rather than just watching tv.
I wouldn't pretend I'm happy. But then I'm GLAD to be occupied , on festivals.
Else my heart would shrink the tiniest on knowing I'm the only one not 'celebrating'.
Lets also say..I've conditioned myself to be indifferent.
I'm so saturated , it hardly matters to me.
I look forward to spend time with cousins. Laugh along..share old stories et al.
But deep deep deep inside my heart , I'm hurting every bit.
Holi was no different. Flower holi like last year :D
Singing bhajans.
And some 15 mins of water splashing.
Thats about it. Something's better than nothing. Thank god for that.
And well , yeah...that's it :)
It would only mean being stuck up in home , and doing just about nothing.
Physically present in a pretense of a happy environment.
And yet mentally fighting with the loneliness.
Festivals are meant to be 'celebrated' together.
Not when one of your parents prefers watching the TV or say is least interested in forming a little social circle.
When another one of your parents is busy doing the household chores.And is upset to be holding onto the routine even on this day.
So what do you do ? Deck up and sit quietly. Or watch TV.
So much for the chores that you are not good at anyway.
I don't think that's anybody's idea of celebration or festival.
I don't feel you can celebrate alone.
So what's changed now ?
The relations with the extended family. A little much to do rather than just watching tv.
I wouldn't pretend I'm happy. But then I'm GLAD to be occupied , on festivals.
Else my heart would shrink the tiniest on knowing I'm the only one not 'celebrating'.
Lets also say..I've conditioned myself to be indifferent.
I'm so saturated , it hardly matters to me.
I look forward to spend time with cousins. Laugh along..share old stories et al.
But deep deep deep inside my heart , I'm hurting every bit.
Holi was no different. Flower holi like last year :D
Singing bhajans.
And some 15 mins of water splashing.
Thats about it. Something's better than nothing. Thank god for that.
And well , yeah...that's it :)
Spending a festival doing nothing, well I know the feeling; It sucks!!! Big time!!!!
ReplyDeleteEven though at times I enjoy being with ppl at festivals, yet there are moments when all i wanna do is just enjoy my own company cuz im tired of faking a smile, just wanna break...
yup exactly :)
DeleteI totally understand this.. sometimes u just cant help it, whn things are not going the way u planned.. Bt then the gud prt might b that even its just for 15mins, u did celebrate with ur family..!
ReplyDeleteYes its a very awkward and pitiful situation.
DeleteYes the good part..something than nothing :)
Treading on the same water :)
ReplyDeleteYes , its all about being together.
You have given a youth's view point. Let me give you a mom's viewpoint. For me, I love celebrating festivals but with my hectic work schedule, it is impossible to. So that makes it a raw deal for my kid who loves celebrating festivals coz I can't always match his high, positive energy level and I am so exhausted when I am back that the festive spirit is something my kiddo carries forward with while I kind of watch on with resignation.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to. I want to join in with all the fun but work schedule is hectic and I have no energy left in me by the end of the day. It's a tough call for working moms too.