Italian Envy !

Tried putting a catchy title.Its related to the post , of course!

My cousin went to Italy.
[ Do you know how badly I want to go to Italy ?! ]
~Envy~

For 7 days..know the places ? Rome , Venice & Florence.
[ Do you know how I'm dying to see the Colosseum ?! ]
~Double envy~

Best part about the trip ?
[ Do you know that I would want to go with the best of my best pals ?! ]
She went with all of her FRIENDS !!
~triple envy~

Why don't such things ever happen with me ? She went on a coll trip.Isn't that like Wow ?! Some coll she is in ! How I wish I'd taken up interior designing..would probably have been in her coll , city & most importantly Italy !! Yeah yeah..I'm happy for her but jealous too.
Just talked to her & she sounded too tired ..so didn't get to know much about the trip.But poor chick , didn't enjoy the food. People actually love Italian food & this girl told me that everything she ate was 'tasteless' ! lol , that's a funny thing I heard.
Never mind..who wants to go there only to eat the much famous Italian Pizza ?! Not me ! I just want to be there because I'm extremely impressed with everything I read 'bout the place & all that I saw on tv.

Anyhow , I wont ever in my wildest dreams ..dream of my coll taking me for such a trip.
But I could at least wish to go there as early as possible !
Whatever xyz thing ..magic & all that..which is suppose to fulfill wishes..just reminding YOU ..this one's on the top of my list ! So make it !!!
An envious desperate wish should never be let down , you know ?

Out of the thoughtful maze

Sometimes everything seems to be falling apart. Since last 2 weeks I have been constantly thinking of two particular things.I mean I have been thinking so much..that I've had sleepless nights. All those thoughts would remain at the back of mind , no matter what I'm doing.Its like someone's firing bullets at me ..I'm right there alone , having no reaction to it at all & then those bullets just fall over all around me , for me to pick them & think of them.Each & every bullet is a thought relating to me .They just keep coming & never want to leave me.I do not know how I'm suppose to destroy them.And I'm tired of it.Not frustrated but exhausted.I then visualize holding a shield to let all those bullets bounce back.Bullets never bounce back , I know that.But these are 'thoughts' & I want to shoo them off.I want to get into the state of thoughtlessness.Having nothing on my mind.But its difficult not to think of anything when you are awake & doing nothing. But I really need some peace.Lots in fact.

I then sit back & it looks like there are several different people inside me , speaking to me.The optimistic,the dark,scared,fearless,confident,skeptical & many more . Each of them has their own theory on my perplexed thoughts. No suggestions from anyone , just the pros & cons. And if you want to make a choice between two things & all kinds of possibilities have been laid down for you , the already perplexed thoughts go from bad-to-worse.I feel like making every inner calling of mine numb & dumb.I just ask them all to 'shut up' , because I want to talk to the real me.What does she have to say ? What does she thinks ? No she doesn't wanna think at all.Because she wants to follow her dreams - day dreams or pipe dreams - whatever the world may label it , she just wants to make it !! Striking the right chord.

I feel I have created a maze for myself.And I don't know the way out of it.I'm in there , running in every direction , in every lane - dark, gloomy or bright..running & running .. just wanting to get out of the massive thinking.And I soon realize that I'm back to the point where I started from.Its a maze .. so that was bound to happen.But I'm not afraid.I'm not hyper either.I just want to get the hell out of it.Every brick in maze is a thought.As I pass by , each brick says me something.And as I said..I just don't want any more thoughts ! I don't want to ponder over any of those thoughts ! I need to get some special chip inserted in my brain which would keep all the trash away from my mind.All that disturbs me.Wish the scientists are working on it ?

And lastly , it looks like a jigsaw puzzle.Some pieces are missing , some are vague , some destroyed , some unavailable. And so I don't have the prefect picture as I could never integrate the puzzle.Looks like I just need to leave it at that.I shouldn't be thinking about my thoughts , the passion & the conscience.Let it all just naturally fall into its right place.I'd push it all on my destiny.Now , I'm not the kind of person who 'd ever say that or want to .I still don't like saying that.I'd never want to keep things saved for my fate.If its my dream - it has to become my property for real , & destiny ain't gonna get any credits for that.If its the conscience - oh well , that comes first anyway. So I take it back . And now I speak - I'll create my own destiny. I'd make things work for me the way I want them to.Its just a matter of time .That's yet another cliched line that every confused thinking person wants to say.But the fact remains , it holds true.You could never tell of times - anything can happen.

So no more thinking & no more thoughts.Thankfully dad gave me lot of work to keep me busy.And I must say I don't know half of what I'm doing.But I do have to use my mind to do the work.Its tedious but I'm loving it anyway .

And of course , I'm out of the million-thought-maze.Had a bird-view of that puzzling maze & I must say I created some state-of-the-art thing, lol. They would actually want to declare it a wonder of the world.....I never mentioned that those bricks were embedded with gems & the lanes were lush push ..not the red-carpet-welcome type but the green lawns.I had environment on my mind lol.
I haven't completely stopped thinking. Its just those particular thoughts , that have been bothering me that are kept at bay. I hope I've got over it.
Yes I have !! I'm content with myself.I'm happy.I'm just gonna move with the flow.

And now I'm thinking of the incomplete work & dinner.Yeah , I'm hungry. ( Somebody might just want to say - all the time ? :P )

The Shopping Laws

I might have pulled out about a 50 outfits including shirts , t-shirts , tunics , tops etc , from just one store. I filtered the selection & chose 10 tops finally. But that was not the end of it.I then wanted to try them all to be sure it just suits me.

# If one had a deep neck line , the other almost suffocated me.
# If one was too long , the other was too short. [ And what I wanted wasn't available ]
# If one was fitting well , I didn't like its color anyway or it didn't suit me , so I thought.
# If one just looked nice otherwise , looked horrible after donning .
# If one had weird sleeves , the other had weird sleeves too which didn't look bad when I first saw them but ....uh
For all the others , I could pull out one or two flaws regarding color , fitting , looks etc.

I bought nothing.
I was frustrated.
I felt like throwing all those clothes out of the shop, I was so mad.
I wanted to yell & ask why don't they have good stuff at all ?

[ The chiller change in font indicates the chilling madness involved ! ]

Checking out other shops , I found nothing yet again.Even if I did find anything good , it wasn't something I really needed. I , for the first time in my life went shopping for formal wear. And all I could see was party-wear. Then I decided that I'll look for casuals & not just stick to formal.But just tricking your jinx by letting it know that you are not looking for what you wanted to buy in the first place , doesn't fool the jinx ! Jinx is too smart for a desperate-shopper.

Talking of shopping & jinx , here are the shopping laws that I read some time back in a form of quote.

If you like it, they don't have it in your size.
If you like it and it fits, you can't afford it.
If you like it, it fits and you can afford it, it falls apart the first time you wear it.

lol.. such a thing never happened with me ( the last one ) but let me just modify the laws as per my experience.

# If you choose a outfit, and try it on - it won't fit you.
# If its a size larger, the smaller size won't be available .If its smaller, the larger size was bought by someone minutes before you entered the shop.
# If it fits you, you do not like its color.
# The other available colors won't be your favorite either.
# If you do like the color, you loath the price tag.
# That very day, there won't be any such outfit that you would find for a price lesser than what you'd seen.
# No discounts during such times.
# If you have some membership card through which you could avail of some benefits , you forgot it at home , forgetful baby.
# If at all you are ready to pay for it , somebody already bought it since you were taking ages to decide !
# You choose next thing, & you see a friend fancying the same outfit.
# Hell-bent on being different, you drop the plan of buying it.
# Later , you realize she never bought it.
# If finally you like something, it fits you , is affordable .....

............ you won't go shopping that day because it would rain heavily & by next time bang ! the outfit is swapped by someone else & you didn't even know if it did exist. Huh ?

There's a lot more to it..the laws that is.
One thing that freaked me out the most was that I'm sick since the day I went shopping & found nothing Good ! Bloody jinx!

Some relief !

• I'm back on wheels ! After being caged at home for 2 months with little allowance to outdoor commuting , I'm finally freed.Feels great ! So what was I up to all this time ? Nothing ..just no-thing ! Surfing , watching TV & movies , listening to songs & everything that comes under wasting time when you are a student of Chartered Accountancy. The big dig - why was I caged ?
  
• Dad anticipated that I'd meet with an accident anytime in the past 2 months.I would have loved if he had given one particular day or week time where I'm supposed to be careful.But then I couldn't pester him much for that ! Since I've had met with few accidents earlier which were nothing so serious as the word 'accident' & I scored few bruises every time I skidded off , he was very worked up this time.
• Though last year when he warned me , I didn't drive or even rode my 2 wheeler at all for few days.But then when things have to happen , they do happen.I was on my friend's 2 wheeler , she was driving pretty fast , she hit the guy on bike in front of her & we fell.She didn't get hurt that badly as much as I did.I mean I couldn't walk properly for 2 days as my right foot was terribly swollen.
  
• But then I didn't really fracture my legs or hands.And dad always maintains that I'd always have some protection even if I meet with an accident.So I was wondering why wouldn't he let me commute at all ? Not even by car ?? Did sound ridiculous to me. He insisted strongly & since I'm not suppose to question or argue over his predictions , I chose to do what he asked me to do.
• And that time has gone by. Its not like I didn't move out of house AT ALL , I did go to watch movies or that friendship's day party , lunch over cousin's place etc , but it was all within a range of 3 kms from home. I had terrible problem explaining friends why I didn't attend classes or why I never turned up for so many events so many times.Even if I told them the actual reason , they would have found it too silly or would have mocked at me behind my back.Some joke box this topic could have turned into. Thats where I preferred lying.I also understand why they would react in such a manner so I'm chilled about it .
  
• So a 100 lies came to my rescue.I think its OK to lie when you have got to have the better off you. But coming up with innovative , logical lies & the ones that fill up the gap of suspicion is a tough job. Nevertheless , I've got over it & its been 2 weeks now that I'm attending class. - relief - ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
• The nearest accident-prone zone from my house has finally got a signal.Its a square of course , but one of the lane emerging out of it is at 45o angle which also has a thin lane by its side at an angle of 30 degree towards its left.Ahh , its complicated & this is the place where most people hit onto each other.But then we finally have a signal & when I first saw that , my reaction was " Oh looook! My my ..we have a signal here ?? " ..jumping out of joy like a Kid in a candy store :P
  
• The fact that I decided to change my cell phone & also the server has brought relief to the people around me & to me too.I mean finally I have made up my mind to buy a new cell phone.All this time , I did look up for some nice piece but was never convinced so thought I should not chuck away this old broken piece which I like anyhow , as it really doesn't matter how many times I drop it or just throw away - its still working , broken but working :D
  
• The dog I have been talking about ran away ! Yes ..it R A N away ! : No wonder why I was feeling like some thing's left out ( was so habitual of listening to its barks ) I came to know that it was unchained which in itself is a rare thing to happen & the rarest of them is that the day he was unchained , the door was left open by dunno whom but lets not get into that.What remains is that the monster fled away & I actually felt like partying or getting myself a cute little puppy pet.But I'm not.

Apart from this . what isn't balancing the relief is the fact that doctors have given words - grandmom ain't gonna regain her eye sight of her right eye.We have plans to sue the doctor for negligence as he never told us about her weak retina & how operating that could be a serious issue.

I'm sick.I'm weak.The food doesn't taste anymore.I'm on liquid diet , soup & juice.Fallen ill second time in a year huh ? too bad !

Wedding Makers..

An uncle came over for lunch a week back.During lunch , he asked me to make something , anything that I could.I thought I should give him options such as tea , coffee because thats all I can really make .But he wouldn't want tea or coffee after lunch .Before I could say anything , he said , " Make me some cold drink.It'll be your test.If you pass , I will start looking for a guy for you !"

I silently asked what ..???? ..although I wanted to scream aloud .He didn't say that ..did he ? Oh yes , I figured out he said exactly what I heard , because he was grinning.That was embarrassing ! The heights is I too was laughing.And I still don't know why ?! huh ! My parents were right there , my mom facing me , dad just next to me & I felt like curling up & hiding somewhere.My parents have never talked about marriage to me.When my mom hints it at times , I look daggers at her & then she doesn't dare to add any more to it. I've mentioned this before that I really really really don't like to talk bout this. And here , look at my uncle ..he's gone all the way up to look for a guy for me !!! Oh c'mon I mean I'm so young + there are a dozen cousins of mine elder to me who are to yet to be married. I'm afraid ( for my uncle ) that half of them are still not at that age , where they could just marry! So wayyyy to go for me!


My family, talking of the larger version of family i.e my mom's side & dad's side & grand mom's side family cannot stop thinking of marriage . And specially my mom's side family.I don't understand why they fancy marriages so much . At every get together , they [ not the uncles , all the aunts ] would talk of who's next & then who's the one after the next one , & again who's the third one in line ..so on , finally discussing bout the little toddlers & just- born as well. Then , they would talk of how old they would be at these lil kiddo's wedding.How would they look then ? By that time , the one who's just gonna get married will be having 2 kids who too would be at the age of getting married !!

Yes , they discuss that ! They actually do ! I wonder why diamond jewellery has taken a back seat in their conversation ?! They laugh bout our weddings ?! Aren't they kind of swapping away the novelty out of our special moment ? Why don't they just watch the video & pics of their wedding ? They could discuss who-wore-the-best-saree or something like who-had-the-most-beautiful-necklace ? I'd suggest them this.
Or may be not. Because then they might end up talking bout their old friends & through some default linking reach this - "Oh they have a son who's working in Mumbai . How does he look like ? Should we see him for CCC ? [ Some cousin , revealing name isn't important - it could be any of them ]

OK, but they do have hearts.They understand our feelings.So they are not just joking about it but also serious.Look how much they care for us ?? They start finding eligible mates much in advance!
For..
Moi at 18 - "Gonna look for a guy for you."
Moi at 17 - "How old is she ? "
Moi at 16 - "Just few more years to go."
Moi at 15 - "Now , after few years , its her turn after XYZ."
Moi at 14 - " In school now ? Then college & then you'll get married."

They didn't spare me even when I was 14 !! And this isn't something that only I'm facing.All my cousins do.But its quite easier for guys.They can get married anytime they want to. They can even go around with someone in the meanwhile & they don't find it embarrassing when talked bout their wedding! But we girls ?? How can you manage to face your dad after your relative have just talked about your marriage ?? Specially when you are 18. I mean I will have to make myself comfortable with this when I'm at the age to get married. At that time , I'd probably be the one , "Oh hey , look I wanna get married to this guy ." They won't find that embarrassing , will they ??
Some of my cousins , the girls , are habitual to all this.So they've kind of been able to handle such situations. They don't find it weird , for one.And secondly , it has become a part of their daily conversation as well.I'm targeted the most - the one who's told all these stories.Oh my , it cheeses me off !


To all my relatives , and relatives' relatives & so on ...stop it! Will you ? Give us a break ! Look for guys when its the right time.Fine , it takes some time to find the best for us , so you go hunting for grooms when we ask you to .There are major issues apart from our weddings for you to discuss !!
Ah , whatever , talk of anything else dude!

Its time my kins stop playing Cupids because there's a helluva time for us to play couples.

PS : They are not ACTUALLY gonna get me married at 18 :| Its just that they love talking about it again & again & again.....yet again! Only Drawback of being in a Marwari family :(

In a Fix..

I'm totally jammed. What's worse is that I've found myself jittering with the decision-making.
Ok , so the situtation is as follows -
Adi [ a school friend ] called me up on Friday inviting me for the Friendship's Day party. I knew I couldn't go because of a story thats highly weird & funny , jittery as well . Will write that later..huh. So this gal asked me to reach an Italian food court on Sunday. I had to quickly think of some lame reason why I cannot turn up for this party.So I told her that I've got to go out of town for a family function. She fumed , first.Then , lectured me.

"Yaar you always do that . Every time we invite you for any party , you have some function!"
I was just trying to recollect how many times have I used this excuse ? Just once I suppose. I wanted to revert back..but a lecture is supposed to be a lecture , how on this earth could that be stopped ??
"You didn't come for lunch last week at Priyanti's B'day ..
[ I couldn't because of that weird story again ..]
you didn't turn up for my party
[ That was in Jan , I had to prepare for CPT dammit! ]
, you didn't come at Rucha's party either !!"
[ Ah well , I didn't feel like , take a broom & hit me now..]

If you don't come THIS time , we won't ever invite you again."

That felt good I tell you.No , not the fact that I wouldn't be invited again but the fact that for the first time in so many years after leaving school , I felt that yes these friends care for me.They want me at the party ! woohoo ! And so much pestering & lecturing & cajoling from Adi , was like a woohoo again . I felt nice . For one , that they really wanted me to come. Secondly , I just loved it man !
I was mad with these school friends because they'd go out for movies & stuff so many times but never ask me to come along.Then , I just started ignoring such things.But I was always invited at b'day parties , of girls only.I don't talk much with the school guys.Hardly in touch with any of them & I don't know why but I always felt awkward talking to them after we got out of school. I was tagged "shy" in school . Introvert too , by these guys. But its not true. I really don't have much to talk about !!

Anyway , back to square one. So Adi carried on .. " Look , you don't have to go for that function.We always wonder why you never show up.So please come ..got it ??? And its been like an year now , that we've met ..we'll have lot of fun reee..you're coming ok ? "
It took me an hour to manage to ask dad if I could go for this party.He allowed me finally!
Next morning , I told Adi , I'll be there.

The twist -
On Saturday , I logged into orkut & found that it was Abhi's b'day. Texted him wishes.He called back & invited me to his party at that same Italian restaurant.
Now , first of all ..its was so difficult for me to get permission for one party.On top of that , here's another one just a day before the permitted party. I was in such a mess.
I desperately wanted to go to Abhi's party . The only reason being that I'll have all my F CA [ future CA ] friends out there! The ones I currently love being with. It had been long since I met all of them . And since I feel out of place at any of my school-friend's party or at any party with school friends, I really wished to enjoy this one.
But I had already given my words to Adi.Also , there was noooo way , absolutely no wayy to ask dad for permission for yet another party.

I really would have gone to Abhi's party , & that wouldn't have made me feel guilty about missing the Sunday party. As if it is , I don't enjoy being with school guys so much because I do not talk to them & its weird to be going to a party when you talk only to the few some girls.
So I thought of backing out of Sunday's party but then I couldn't.I shouldn't.Had I known that it was Abhi's bday on 2nd , I would have given another lame reason to Adi to escape the friendship Day party. But too late for that.
This was some kind of a puzzle or catch-22 situation. No matter what I chose , I was to be in a fix.

Finally , I basked in the party of school friends , feeling helpless about everything. The deal of never being invited again , as Adi said , didn't sound worth either. And on the other hand , I didn't like sitting like a plastic doll in a party , smiling occasionally & having almost nothing to talk about.
Ahhhh , I think I should have backed out.But I'd paid too :

But anyway , the party was fine.Danced & all that.Great food ! Didn't talk to the guys as usual except one or two who had enough modesty to come to me & wish me. The only thing that hitched me was that I had to pay for this one & not a meagre amount.In fact , I had to pay a little too much.Everyone did.It didn't quite pay-off in the end , but its fine.No cribbing , shh!

Everyone loved my outfit .And specially my stilettos :D. But I shouldn't have worn them & danced..having a terrible back pain now!

Blue eyed bloke

My friend invited me for lunch yesterday.Actually she took all the old mates for lunch.B'day treat it was.I didn't turn up yet again! Its so pathetic to be unable to meet up school friends over a lunch in rain.I haven't met this friend since an year now.Just another week & its going to be an year !! Whereas we stay in the same city , around 12 kms away & I usually go for tuitions in the area where she stays.She had been a very good pal of mine since schooldays.But now she & everyone's scattered.I have made several new friends But the old ones are the good damn old ones.


This girl whose luncheon I could not attend is pencil thin.We used to call her Olive.The other girls of my school group are also as thin as thread.No matter what they eat , how much they eat ..they always maintain their weight.And none of them is into rigorous sports.They have great appetite. Not the kind who would starve themselves up.These girls can have a chocolate cake EVERY single day & yet they won't put on! This is so very much envious for a foodie like me.I feel guilty even if I gulp down a molecule of sugar the day I work out & look at these girls ! tsk tsk. So I'd rather ask for such body type than wishing to be slim all my life because I seriously cannot give up eating delicious food just to avoid putting on.And if I have such body type , half the battle is already won , no actually the entire battle is won - I can eat anything & everything , I can stay slim !

From girls to food ..to envy.. to emotion..to guys.. to girls ..to envy...

A friend speaks -
"Did I tell you about that blue-eyed guy , the fair one."
me : "Yup , what's cooking ?"
"I talked to him."
"And ? "
"I fancy him."
"Of course you do , I know."
"No I mean I never had such a serious crush ever in my life."
"Oh I see "
"So you know..talking to him felt like wow."
"Yup , you must have felt like you've won the battle of Panipat."
"Love isn't war"
"Someones talking love ?? Crush is crush , its like ciggy ..will glow for sometime & die into ashes in some more time."
"How do you relate winning battle & all that ? Are you in your senses ?"
"The euphoria I was talking of ."
"Put your your brains into correct gears so that you have better examples of display of euphoria."
"Its in reverse gear right now. So you think he likes you ?"
"He's committed."
"Uh"
"I so desperately want to see his girl."
"I understand."
"What ? What's there to understand ?"
"See there are too possibilities. If you find that girl so-so ..you'll be like 'ah he could have better had me'.If she turns out to be pretty , you'd be like ' B**** where did she come from ? How can she be so gorgeous?"
"Haha !There you go ! Perfect gear ! you do understand."
" Lets eat pizza to celebrate your first talk with the blue-eyed guy...quick."
"You think I'm gonna pay for few more treats like this ? the ones celebrated in the joy of my little talks with him ?"
"Not probable enough."
"Why not ?"
"You remember the 2 possibilities ? A fair handsome guy with blue eyes ...obviously
must be having a gorgeous gal."
"Kill you !"
"Pizza first !!"