$ Richie Rich $

"Don't you sometimes feel like marrying a rich guy & living off on his expenses ?"
"Not that I didn't think of that one..its just now that I've decided to keep that option open."
lol

I cried few days back ..all of a sudden because I realized how super jealous I am of some people in particular . Some rich people :P

I cannot digest the fact that am not having an opportunity to enjoy life the way I want to. And its sooooo envious to watch others making most of their times.I'm certainly happy for them as I'm close to the people in question here...but I'm still jealous.

Confession maybe good for the soul.
However its not helping ease the pain.

I can't wait to be rich. Who doesn't wanna be rich ? Thats not the issue.I want to be!

I've even built up hope on the basis of a family palmist's predictions on my life :P
I know its stupid to plan life that way.And moreover he can be wrong.Just like he said I'd get married at 22.
The latter one should turn out to be untrue but I have no complaints with the former one - being very rich :P

I do not want all the money in the world to brag about it to others.
I want it for myself . I have an exclusive wish list & I wanna make it!

My mum's sis can never stop talking bout the money she has :P Its so funny! I do not idolize her at all :D loll
And then totally opposite to her is my maternal aunt ..who is 10 times richer & yet she doesn't have an ounce of arrogance . She NEVER brags.
I love her for that!
And I love G too , her son. He is sooo unbelievably down to earth!

To the point now

To the $ Riches $

$ I'm joining your league soon $ :P

Deja vu

All of a sudden I'm enjoying getting back to old days even though exams are in pipeline.
Old clothes
Old pics
Old diary
Its barely nostalgic..I mean I don't feel dark when I see/read those things , but it does lighten up my face with a dazzling smileeach & every time.My expressions change from a smug to horribly embarrassed to a hearty self laugh ( unseen..only in mind :D)

Old clothes
my mother has preserved my first b'day dress to all those cute little frocks :P
I wonder why she did it..so much of stuff unpacked here & there makes me pesky but I cannot ask her to throw them! Not that am heartless or I want to hurt her.. I see no point in keeping all that.Like if I were a celeb or something..I would have auctioned those clothes to get some $ but since am not and nor do I see any such possibility , we better chuck it! The heights is ..this maid laughs off seeing all my clothes & ask my mother why she stored them up since so many years.Then mum says 'I'll give her away when she gets married!'
WTH!!
Give me money..give me 2 chefs and 3 maids when I get married..sponsor a world trip for me..gift me a dozen designer clothes but please don't pile up my first b'day dress , little socks etc just for it to be a souvenir when I get married! Maybe she is commencing a family pass-on tradition.I think my mum thinks I'll forget her , lol so as a reminder she wants to give me my old stock. Huh. Sometimes you just don't know how to react.
I'm speechless.I'm very delighted to see my very little dresses.I'm a little angry its been kept for a reason that is utterly stupid.But again , I'm speechless.Most of all, ambivalent.
I love my clothes though.I have certainly worn better dresses in my childhood :P

Old Pics
Again from my 1 month old to first b'day and so on...I cannot believe its me.
I was SO BLOODY FAIR.
NO!
not bloody fair..I was SO MILKY FAIR! I envy myself- my childhood skin color.
Every time I look at the pics , my parents tell me how special I was.Yeah yeah I get it I'm not anymore. Anyway , its just regarding how I looked..I would still like to believe that am very special =)
I also went through the pics taken during the last few days at school.I'd forgotten so many of my class mates.Very refreshing to just think of 'em again.Funny too.Embarrassing as well.lol
What I don't have are the farewell pics.I was so busy properly draping the saree...that I couldn't manage time to take some pics at home.At the function , I was busy living the moment & clicking others.It went just too fast.And it was the worst farewell any batch of outgoing students from our school ever got! But that doesn't bother much. Last glorious time at school after all.I'm making it sound like a battle ( by using the word glorious ) But with anything that has to do with 'being last' , I vision a Colosseum , gladiators , an energetic crowd cheering for the last fight -- Historical event. < in my life>

Old Diary
I started making diary entries in my 9th grade when even though I did make an attempt at creating blogs ..I didn't know of blogger & rediffblog looked too dull.So I stuck to writing in a tiny notepad.Started off with my school trip.I rarely wrote & even if I did , I made sure I write about the times I totally loved spending.Sometimes , I'm amazed I was the one who used to think like that.Cutely immature :P
My cute little immature notepad makes me immeasurably happy.I wish I'd written more that time...would have been all the more fun to read now & later.

I'm enjoying micro-blogging these days.Been extremely confused if I should start that as a new blog.But twitter does seem cool.Although its punchline is 'What are you doing?' , I'm using it for writing whatever I feel or think or DID - not what am doing. ( Airtel charges 3 bucks per tweet so cannot always tell 'what I'm doing' :P ) In 120 words summing up something is nicer.Short & sweet.
Will be away for a while.A week.

Sizzling & sliced

Sizzling - I had a great time!
Sliced - Few dark feelings ..terrible I must say

Went to a cousin's wedding which was at Lonawala.
For starters , half the people couldn't recognize me.I met most of them after a span of almost 2 years.They were like "Ohh you are.....". At first I thought maybe I'm looking better than ever before.Few hours later I realized I'm looking awful than any any anytime before!! >> My granddad couldn't recognize me! And yes , got some mixed responses regarding my weight.
Anki - " You are looking thinner" ( Whom I'd met just few months back )
Bubble - "Omg!!! Your cheeks !!" I know I know I know..my chubby cheeks !
Xyz relative -" I was wondering who you are...whats the secret behind putting on ?" SECRET? Did you just say secret ?!!?
Anki's bro - " Haven't you put on a little?" Everyone started laughing coz by now almost everyone had commented. So he said ," Oh right , maybe I shouldn't have said 'little'." Everyone laughed again.
Grrrrrr. I wanted to go somewhere.No! I wanted to just go running over the treadmill! Or in an easy way , to be just able to pluck the plump out of my face!

Ok now what's with everyone ??! I'm not fat! My cheeks are not just chubby , they often swell which is I suppose a problem related with blood circulation etc etc..& grrrrrrr I was so mad with myself.*
THEN as if this wasn't enough , for spoilers I just realized I'm nowhere close to good at dancing.Or if not that , at least nowhere close to my counterparts*.I mean my cousins are amazing dancers !!
And they all were looking great as well! I was awestruck with the kind of dresses each one of them had donned.Not that I was feeling ill about it , but just just ..just..a little jealous* ..yeah ..Nooo..it was something like ..someone's beating you blue & yet you cannot scream.You cannot hide.You cannot run.The most eligible antidote for it is shopping - super shopping - which at the moment
You
CANNOT
do!
To be a lemon among strawberries is some goddamn task , trust me.
*Three nails by now in the coffin of my passionate-feelings.
[ Looks & body , dance , clothes! ]

Moving over to the sizzling part , the wedding was simple superb! My cousins said they weren't enjoying as much as they did in the 2 weddings prior to this one , which I had missed , but for me this was fun.Probably because I met everyone after a long time & also because it had been years I attended a full blown marwari wedding.And I knew what I fool I was to skip the other 2 weddings.

For the dance , they all kept forcing me to perform , encouraging me & praising me while practicing , but in the end I didn't turn up.I wasn't feeling like dancing solo because my dance wasn't choreographed well.And yes , I'm a sucker for praises & compliments in things I enjoy the most.Not that it matters a lot, but it just matters to me when I'm among my peers.Dancing has always been one of my passions and there was no way I was settling for just a cold smile & few well-arranged-cheers.So I skipped it. Didn't regret at all.
And had a burning desire to reinvent the passion in me.Next time , I told myself.

The food was too good.Specially the lunch on second day which was from the bride's side.There were so many dishes & I thought even if I tasted every single thing , it'll be equivalent to eating the meal. I did not even think twice while taking over the sweet the second time just because it was so mouth-watering.I mean I forgot all the comments about my weight.Cannot compromise on good food ..NEVER.

The first night I was present with them , we took off from the resort at midnight to have hookah :P I know its crazy , but I was wanting to smoke like all my male cousins.But the place was closed down.So we returned & stayed awake till about 4 in morning - chatting , laughing , having fun.
The next day we headed for hookah again during afternoon.I just had 3 or 4 rounds of it.Since we had some time left , we went over for a drive ahead & stationed at a point.Beautiful scenery.
I'm not a good photographer , so no pics this time.

And then on the second & last night we all were together , Rach & I decided that we gonna make everyone stay awake till wee hours in morning & of course to have loads of fun.It was almost 1.30 am by the time all the ceremonies ended.And before we could catch the guys,they had gone to bed.But Rach & I knew how to force people to stay awake :P & so we did! Played cards , joked around , laughed , discussed love-marriages vs. arranged-marriages , careers etc etc.
Finally when there was nothing to talk about - I still wonder how could that be - everyone went to sleep.It was about 5.30 am.And I know how badly I wanted that time never to end.I woke up at 8 since I had to leave early.Again, my heart was pacing with the feeling of going away from everyone after having a wonderful time.
But then , all good things come to an end. Why do they have to anyway ?

What remains are the memories.I'm just too sentimental about these things.I shouldn't be because it hurts when I remember those moments.I did not realize how much am gonna miss them all but once I left them & was alone at home , I couldn't stop myself from crying.That doesn't happen with all of them.Its not a good thing to attach your heart to too many people.And of course , not to the one you are having little feelings for.......

In these two days , I liked someone.Not a crush or falling-in-love but just liked him.And the dark feelings kept crawling nearer to me because I knew I'm not going to get to meet him & to know him more.I had butterflies in my stomach & I hated myself for even imagining of asking him out..lol.How crazy could I be at times ? I told Anki about it.And she was like ' Oh good , nice guy ..should we initiate the talks?' lol ..I said no.I knew she was just kidding but I also knew she wouldn't ever understand what that feeling was & what it meant to me.

The time flew like crazy.I'm back & writing about it now ..checking out the pics twice a day.Feeling very lonely.
Can't wait to be with all of 'em again for the next wedding in April.And boy , how I wish he too comes there :P

Italian Envy !

Tried putting a catchy title.Its related to the post , of course!

My cousin went to Italy.
[ Do you know how badly I want to go to Italy ?! ]
~Envy~

For 7 days..know the places ? Rome , Venice & Florence.
[ Do you know how I'm dying to see the Colosseum ?! ]
~Double envy~

Best part about the trip ?
[ Do you know that I would want to go with the best of my best pals ?! ]
She went with all of her FRIENDS !!
~triple envy~

Why don't such things ever happen with me ? She went on a coll trip.Isn't that like Wow ?! Some coll she is in ! How I wish I'd taken up interior designing..would probably have been in her coll , city & most importantly Italy !! Yeah yeah..I'm happy for her but jealous too.
Just talked to her & she sounded too tired ..so didn't get to know much about the trip.But poor chick , didn't enjoy the food. People actually love Italian food & this girl told me that everything she ate was 'tasteless' ! lol , that's a funny thing I heard.
Never mind..who wants to go there only to eat the much famous Italian Pizza ?! Not me ! I just want to be there because I'm extremely impressed with everything I read 'bout the place & all that I saw on tv.

Anyhow , I wont ever in my wildest dreams ..dream of my coll taking me for such a trip.
But I could at least wish to go there as early as possible !
Whatever xyz thing ..magic & all that..which is suppose to fulfill wishes..just reminding YOU ..this one's on the top of my list ! So make it !!!
An envious desperate wish should never be let down , you know ?

Blue eyed bloke

My friend invited me for lunch yesterday.Actually she took all the old mates for lunch.B'day treat it was.I didn't turn up yet again! Its so pathetic to be unable to meet up school friends over a lunch in rain.I haven't met this friend since an year now.Just another week & its going to be an year !! Whereas we stay in the same city , around 12 kms away & I usually go for tuitions in the area where she stays.She had been a very good pal of mine since schooldays.But now she & everyone's scattered.I have made several new friends But the old ones are the good damn old ones.


This girl whose luncheon I could not attend is pencil thin.We used to call her Olive.The other girls of my school group are also as thin as thread.No matter what they eat , how much they eat ..they always maintain their weight.And none of them is into rigorous sports.They have great appetite. Not the kind who would starve themselves up.These girls can have a chocolate cake EVERY single day & yet they won't put on! This is so very much envious for a foodie like me.I feel guilty even if I gulp down a molecule of sugar the day I work out & look at these girls ! tsk tsk. So I'd rather ask for such body type than wishing to be slim all my life because I seriously cannot give up eating delicious food just to avoid putting on.And if I have such body type , half the battle is already won , no actually the entire battle is won - I can eat anything & everything , I can stay slim !

From girls to food ..to envy.. to emotion..to guys.. to girls ..to envy...

A friend speaks -
"Did I tell you about that blue-eyed guy , the fair one."
me : "Yup , what's cooking ?"
"I talked to him."
"And ? "
"I fancy him."
"Of course you do , I know."
"No I mean I never had such a serious crush ever in my life."
"Oh I see "
"So you know..talking to him felt like wow."
"Yup , you must have felt like you've won the battle of Panipat."
"Love isn't war"
"Someones talking love ?? Crush is crush , its like ciggy ..will glow for sometime & die into ashes in some more time."
"How do you relate winning battle & all that ? Are you in your senses ?"
"The euphoria I was talking of ."
"Put your your brains into correct gears so that you have better examples of display of euphoria."
"Its in reverse gear right now. So you think he likes you ?"
"He's committed."
"Uh"
"I so desperately want to see his girl."
"I understand."
"What ? What's there to understand ?"
"See there are too possibilities. If you find that girl so-so ..you'll be like 'ah he could have better had me'.If she turns out to be pretty , you'd be like ' B**** where did she come from ? How can she be so gorgeous?"
"Haha !There you go ! Perfect gear ! you do understand."
" Lets eat pizza to celebrate your first talk with the blue-eyed guy...quick."
"You think I'm gonna pay for few more treats like this ? the ones celebrated in the joy of my little talks with him ?"
"Not probable enough."
"Why not ?"
"You remember the 2 possibilities ? A fair handsome guy with blue eyes ...obviously
must be having a gorgeous gal."
"Kill you !"
"Pizza first !!"