When I calculate the amount of time I spend on my emotional analysis , on silly things..I feel guilty of the time I lost that could be efficiently utilized ( -- two words you can start off writing any goddamn management paper :P ) to finish off my long due list of movies to be seen.
I'm currently in a very different mode that I'm not disliking. Not thinking much , just going with the flow.
Not that I've never been spontaneous..but you know that thing in every girl's DNA - the entire process of analyzing , over stating , getting hyper or whatever.. it sucks now!
I find myself stressed and upset when I think so much about things that will eventually fizzle out.
I'm not the kind of person who makes many resolutions.
But once I do , I bloody keep my words.
Every time I'm deviated , my system starts buzzing : wrong lane!
When dad asks me what do I want and I say nothing , he asks me again if I'm sure and whether I've made up my mind to never get anything from him.
I don't answer.
Although I'm aware there is still a long long time till I keep piling up the favors and debt. ..but why increase it unnecessarily ?
Once you enter the 20 league..every single penny spent on you by your parents gives a feeling of debt.Only difference , you've made no promise to return back in monetary terms. Obviously the debt is far greater to fill in with money.
But the point is - it starts pinching you.
Its a good thing I'm a miser. Sometimes I'm very proud of that characteristic :P
When I had a free choice to do what I want to do ( with hidden conditions and clauses ) - I got stuck up with my last plan. My backup rather.
There are times when I start wondering what the hell have I done. But then I remember what dad had said " you're grown up. Make your own decisions and take responsibility for them"
I must admit I felt quite insecure that day. Because decisions no matter whether I made or not - responsibility - I always thought someone else was taking care of.
But anyhow , I keep telling myself -
I'm currently in a very different mode that I'm not disliking. Not thinking much , just going with the flow.
Not that I've never been spontaneous..but you know that thing in every girl's DNA - the entire process of analyzing , over stating , getting hyper or whatever.. it sucks now!
I find myself stressed and upset when I think so much about things that will eventually fizzle out.
I'm not the kind of person who makes many resolutions.
But once I do , I bloody keep my words.
Every time I'm deviated , my system starts buzzing : wrong lane!
When dad asks me what do I want and I say nothing , he asks me again if I'm sure and whether I've made up my mind to never get anything from him.
I don't answer.
Although I'm aware there is still a long long time till I keep piling up the favors and debt. ..but why increase it unnecessarily ?
Once you enter the 20 league..every single penny spent on you by your parents gives a feeling of debt.Only difference , you've made no promise to return back in monetary terms. Obviously the debt is far greater to fill in with money.
But the point is - it starts pinching you.
Its a good thing I'm a miser. Sometimes I'm very proud of that characteristic :P
When I had a free choice to do what I want to do ( with hidden conditions and clauses ) - I got stuck up with my last plan. My backup rather.
There are times when I start wondering what the hell have I done. But then I remember what dad had said " you're grown up. Make your own decisions and take responsibility for them"
I must admit I felt quite insecure that day. Because decisions no matter whether I made or not - responsibility - I always thought someone else was taking care of.
But anyhow , I keep telling myself -
made a choice.
Now stick to it!!
What I think is that when the responsibility of making the decision is yours the freedom to make mistakes and learning from them is also yours and I somehow love that freedom and the feeling of being able to avoid all the "What Ifs" in the life..... I hope you will get my twisted logic :)
ReplyDeleteTake Care
Purvi
I never felt that way when my parents were spending money on me for my studies and other needs, may be..because..I knew that my parents trust me and I am not wasting money in any way. I am sure..this is the same case with you. Parents do not expect anything back. Its their love which we should never forget. And when we have to take our own decisions..we are responsible for it. Mistakes are bound to happen...here and there...but they help us grow..right?
ReplyDelete:)
Quiet true that after entering the twenties it feels like a pain every time we turn up to parents for monetary help.... It also feels like being a burden to them even though we know that it is not true... we feel like some how we should do enuf too soon to help them instead, give them happiness and security.. ... nice post !
ReplyDeleteInstead of bridging life on plans and decisions made to achieve targets its more fun in embracing the randomness of life's happening. This gives you a sense of adventure, a feel of observance and we live the time in hand without bothering about the right or wrong. After all the 20 yrs foundation is always strong to stop you from committing spontaneous mistakes...
ReplyDelete