Punjabi wedding!

I'm finding it hard to blog these days. Even if it meant writing about the super duper surprised filled best birthday ever! But later on that. The current sizzling event was my lovely friend's wedding :D
And we all know how much fun weddings are!

I have usually attended only marwadi weddings. So being in a Punjabi wedding was a different experience altogether. And I must mention..I am totally in love with Punjabis. Extremely friendly & jolly people plus very  good looking :P
I have learned to speak a little Punjabi too and its fun!

I am gonna miss my friend a lot! Statically she's the one with I have probably had the most fights with but sometimes you share such an amazing bond with some people.. that despite all the run downs..your friendship remains intact and only grows with time! Moreover when a friend gets married and goes away..you realize their importance to no end. :/ :(

I still can't believe Luvza is married! I mean hello ?! It all happened a bit too fast. And since the time she got engaged ( 4 months back ) we've all been wayyy too excited for her wedding :D

While the bride was mostly busy applying and removing makeup,  we friends enjoyed with the family.
 And ofcourse the eye candies around us :P
 Its so weird the bride and groom are the ones that are tired the most.. I mean the ones getting married should be given a chance to enjoy it :P

I am not a photo person. As in I usually refrain form putting pictures on blog , albums on fb etc.
 But this is a major event of my life. And given to my lack of writing - I will just let the pictures speak a thousand words ;)

Your battle.

A thought can change your heart.  A thought can change everything about your life. And eventually we majorly are amidst a conflict of our own or somebody else's suggested thoughts. How much do we let that influence us ?

I've suffered mentally & emotionally  a lot by giving too much energy ,  time and importance to things and people and emotions that were pointless. It was a traffic congestion   in my thought world. And no amount of denying , fighting or accepting things / situation was helping.         
All I needed was a change of heart.
A change of thought.              
                                     
And when it happened... I was amused how much I'd let my other opinions and beliefs  dominate my energy. Its like I just switched off few brain cells ownin those thoughts.
And am all good. Relaxed. Calm.

Of course there were other factors that aided my heart change :  situation , acceptance , forgiveness. Albeit very time consuming.    
But I'd have never gotten out of this if I hadn't changed my mind. And like a friend says..everyone has to fight their own inner battle.

Ultimately I also feel you probably have to go through that process. Of hurtfulness. Of hatred. Of resentment. Of trying hard to hold onto things . Of not adjusting to the change.     
But being there for too long is dreadful. Somebody has to pull you out. YOU have to pick yourself out of the mess. You have to change your heart !

How bad can get it ?

There's nothing to loose.
When you did not belong in the first place.

I shatter.  And I glue myself.  I break more. And I glue again.
Sometimes I don't even bother.
I let myself remain wounded.
Forbearing ?
Maybe.

Life is no fairytale.

You could ask if I'm disappointed with the promise the words in this title holds? I'd be very honest and conclude yelling that I am freaking scared!!

There's a thin line between being optimistic and day dreaming. And no , I'd never settle for the day dreaming which is why life is so scary. Although ironically people around me are having their fairy-tales. Not normal happiness you know. Literally fairy tales which does make me wonder at the possibilities but WAIT - I would only end up day dreaming. So I cling onto the thought that .. Life is NOT a fairytale.

3 years back so many people in the family were getting married (happily , not to mention perfect match ). Now practically its raining babies. And as of today so many people I know - friends , acquaintances , school mates are getting married , with their - ahem - absolute fairy tale stories.And look very HAPPY. It all seems like movies. So fictional ( and yet contrarily very real ). And since my beliefs are more inclined towards being realistic - I'm dead scared.

 I'm exasperated , puzzled & totally freaked out. The marriage proposals are going haywire. I'm not liking it AT ALL. I'm already not very fond of the marriage concept ; add to it marrying a complete stranger makes me fall of the edge.

I'm asked several times .. what am I looking for in a guy. And I'm clueless :o because I don't want to go about a check list. I'll just know.

But hello!! It only sounds easy. How will I know if I don't know what I want ? I definitely know what I don't want. But isn't that again like keeping a cross list ? :/

There's nobody I can talk to about this. Its so pointless. They are all gonna give me some fairytale sweets to choke up on. And I only wish to tell them..am so.damn.freaking.scared!

Dad is hardly offering any solution. He's barely offering me any solution to my other emotional debatable thoughts. I am unable to confide into him. I cannot tell him what's eating me. And all this while I never worried..because I'd think he'd eventually rescue me out of all my problems or give me proper direction , which is so not happening.

Its funny I'm thinking of all sorts of fasts that I never kept all this while. Handsome husband and all that. I never believed in it. And now am so desperate to get off my fear -  I'd do anything. Superficial. Superstitious. Just tell me. And I'll do it.

Am one year short to my quarter life (crisis). But seems like , IT -  the crisis , has decided to fall upon me too soon.

Ok . I need some air to breathe.

I could only pray for a great amount of wisdom right now...and distantly a not so perfect yet a content fairytale.

Wolf of the Wall Street

I haven't seen a movie as crazy as the Wolf  recently. Its just awesomely nuts. And the fact that its based on  real life story of Jordan Belfort makes it all the more alluring. Or did I just mention crazy ? :P

Leonardo Dicaprio is wonderful - effortless with his ramblings , drugs overdose after effects , Spartan like speeches & of course delivering F words like butter , dialogues and demeanour only he could make you laugh at  .
There's almost a similar parallel role he played in Catch me if you can..only this one gets extremely ridiculously entertaining.

-------

And the funniest of the scenes. ( Several others I refrain to put on the blog :P )

Jordan Belfort: [to the waiter] Oh, I'm good with water for now.

Mark Hanna: It's his first day on Wall Street. Give him time.

Jordan Belfort: I fucked her brains out... for eleven seconds.

Jordan Belfort: Was all this legal? Absolutely not!

Jordan Belfort: I am not gonna die sober!

Jordan Belfort: People say shit... I mean like, you married your cousin or some stupid shit.

Donnie Azoff: Yeah, my wife is my cousin or whatever, but it's not like what you think.

Jordan Belfort: Is she like, a first cousin?

Donnie Azoff: Her father is the brother of my mom. Like, we grew up together, and she grew up hot, you know, she fucking grew up hot. And all my friends are trying to fuck her, you know, and I'm not gonna let one of these assholes fuck my cousin. So I used the cousin thing, as like, an in with her. I'm not like, gonna let someone else fuck my cousin, you know? If anyone's gonna fuck my cousin, it's gonna be me. Out of respect.

----------------

Must must must watch even as the movie yells F words a million times probably making it the most sweari-est movie :D

Karma

I've been spending some time reading and understanding Karma. I knew about it. Its feeded in our sub conscious right from our childhood. But I've never thought so deeply about this cause and effect circle.  And there are so many questions that I want answers for.

What are the 'good' and 'bad' things ?
Apart from ofcourse the basic..not wanting bad for someone , not seeking revenge etc.

Do thoughts count too ? Momentarily passing thoughts of jealousy , hatred or maybe even revenge ? Or is it all about the action one takes ?

If its all about Karma..the ACTIONS one takes - then what about your pre-written destiny ?

 I strongly believe in destiny.

Can the course of my destiny change solely on the basis of my Karma ?

Aren't all these laws intimidating and astonishing ?? I think its crazy!

But then the whole idea behind Karma is probably the fairness with which each person deserves to live.

And there goes the next question - who decides what we deserve ??

Crazy , no ? :D

================================================

* My idea of forgiving is to let go. I mean yes someone says they're sorry. Then you just say 'its ok' wherein completely meaning that its NOT ok - that's not forgiving , is it ?

You just got to LET GO.

* I'm blunt and rude. Really very blunt. Almost like I throw fireballs when I'm on my taunting mode. When I'm hurt. And I like being blunt. Although it doesn't filter any hurting for myself. It causes even more pain. But when you care , when it still bothers..you have to tell. If I stop..that's even more dangerous. It will mean you've lost that place. I've lost that struggle to hold you onto that place.


* Currently , happiness is dancing!

Your believing or not believing in karma has no effect on its existence, nor on its consequences to you. Just as a refusal to believe in the ocean would not prevent you from drowning.

F. PAUL WILSON, The Tomb

Read more at http://www.notable-quotes.com/k/karma_quotes.html#6IOEXy3Jc2A7OoM3.99

Ramleela

This movie is so complicated ..at a point it felt like a stupid TV serial. Overdose of drama and too much of revenge which was going haywire. When something happened , the rivals made sure they did the same and then ? You are left thinking what the hell just happened ? And what the hell is happening now? :/
Nobody cares to clarify things.

If Sanjay Leela Bhansali was trying a Romeo and Juliet , I question him - where was the romance dude  ? A love-lust-bullets story with non happy ending doesn't make it an eternal love story. He hardly gave any scope for the romance to bloom.

Deepika is very impressive. Her playful eyes , her clothings , her dance ..she's the blood of the movie. Ranveer was a natural too but for the first half of it with all the sleazy dialogues and the body language of a mawali , he isn't much likeable.

The dialogues are hardly catching. Infact very stupid at times. The songs in the movie which played every 10 mins - were hard to differentiate. :/

The sets are ofcourse too colorful. After Sawariya where the director stuck to blue and black , Ramleela is full of Red.

Ranveer and Deepika are so hot and so desperate throughout the movie ( I'm 100% they must have made out for real - they were so horny :P ) - wish the director stuck to their romance or lust itself because otherwise the movie was hardly making sense. Also ,  together they simply sizzled on-screen !

Rating : 2.5/5

I failed you.

My music sir passed away a month back. I got to know about it last evening. It is extremely sad and painful to hear about his demise. I hadn't met him for around 2 years. I avoided or procrastinated whenever he asked me to continue learning. I always thought..there's always time. The same thought wrenches my heart with so much regret today.

Whats more hurtful is that I tried to contact him only 2-3 months back. In all the mess and negativity , I had found some peace and happiness with music. It was refreshing to tickle the ivories with my old notes. Almost nostalgic. And thats when I missed my teacher the most. I was just feeling restless and desperate to learn as much as I could and compensate for all these wasted years.

His phone was switched off. There was no other way I could contact him. I don't know why but I seemed to call him persistently for a couple of days. Later on I convinced myself he'll definitely turn up after Diwali.

And he isn't there anymore. I just can't believe he's gone. Like I could have done something had I been able to talk to him or meet him. I feel so helpless , so pathetic and regret not taking more efforts to  contact him just anyhow ..maybe through some old sources and students.

 But most of all..there is this burdening feeling of failing him as a student. He wasn't asking for much..was he? Only encouraging me every time to pursue music. When I made it clear that I wasn't interested in giving exams..which he really wanted me to - he coaxed me into singing. And I was all in for classical music. I wasn't getting trained particularly..but every now and then he would give me gazals and songs to sing while playing the harmonium. I enjoyed it a lot. Even today I sing and play those same tunes for some soulful connection I have found in them. And many more which I could have learned...

I failed him as a human being too. I hate to recall but the truth is at some point I disrespected him. I disrespected his sheer expertise and talent. I took him for granted.

It is difficult to find a teacher like him again. Someone so knowledgeable who would come home and teach. Someone who wouldn't be reluctant to adjust to his student's demands!
 He may have been poor. But he was so rich with his music.

I wish he had come home just once if he needed more money. To let us know he wasn't doing well. Somebody from his family could have told us..just one time! And we'd have done anything to save him.

I'm so apologetic but 'sorry' can far from justify the mistakes I've made. I wish wherever you are.. you forgive my nonchalance.
I wish I could have made you more proud of me.

I'm dreading to open my books and play the music YOU taught for I will sob inconsolably.

Its a huge loss to our family :(
May your soul rest in peace!

Learning music will never be the same for me...without you.